I need help, do I give her up?

[MustBeMusic]

I’ve been seeing this girl exclusively since August/September. In December, she asked me to be her boyfriend. I hesitated. I was nervous and caught off guard, but she was patient. After Christmas, we were drinking at my place and I finally told her, yeah, I’m in—I’d be her boyfriend.

She asked to be my Valentine. I said yes.
We went out for my birthday with some friends and she gave me with a great gift—thoughtful as hell.
I’m at her place at least once a week, and recently stayed with her for a full week while her roommates were out of town. She took care of me—cooked, did my laundry, hung out watching movies, playing games. It was easy being around her, it always is.

It got me thinking—what's she’s really looking for?
When I asked, she said she’s good with how things are going, but the lack of intimacy has been hard. I’ve been dealing with E. D. and she’s been very understanding, but I know it still tough.

I'll say I messed up when I admitted that my response to her asking me out wasn’t fully genuine— we’d been drinking, and maybe I wasn’t 100% clear-headed. That hurt her. She told me it made her feel hurt, stupid, embarrassed. I hate that I made her feel that way.

I recently opened up about a past trauma that, along with excessive drinking, has a lot to do with the E. D. She held my hand, said she understood, and wanted to help me get through it. I’m not even sure if I can get through it and I’m afraid of dragging her down with me if I can’t.

She’s beautiful, stubborn, kind, giving, funny, tough, dorky, and someone I can confide in. She’s been patient with all my shit. I do want her around! But I don’t want to waste her time or keep hurting her.

I care about her and I can see she cares about me—not just in what she says, but how she acts.

So here’s where I’m at:

Are we dating?
Is it fair to keep her around?
How do I proceed without hurting her?
How do I keep from letting her down?

I’m trying to be real here. I need help—any guidance I can get.

[14gurlz2gagonit]

You could quit drinking and do whatever you have to do to naturally to fix your ED. I lift weights and do physical things, and drink like a fish... no ED. So maybe hit the weights if you're not. Do that for a couple of months and you'll be clapping her cheeks so hard her head will be bouncing off the wall.

She seems to care... I just have a bias against women that makes me think they have a motive at all times. She's going to get hurt no matter what... in fact I think she uses being hurt as a way to control you.

If she's not using you for money or whatever a lot of women do instead of love, then I say put in a little gym work everyday and dick her down real good. Women come in handy for more than just getting off when they're into us.

[MustBeMusic]

the ED is more trauma based. The vodka helps me cope. I've only hurt her once, recently she's been around for 7 months. and it isn't money. as far as control she's not doing that either. she asks for nothing but quality time which i give her gladly.

[14gurlz2gagonit]

Trauma based makes sense, also how the vodka is used as a cope. The only time I suffered from ED was somewhere in my early 30's (I'm older than my profile says) and my trauma was getting cheated on. I was forced to stay in the relationship due to circumstances, and the situation had strangers I don't even know pointing and talking shit. Obviously I couldn't get hard for that chick anymore.

Not sure what your trauma is, but anything that is traumatic takes time and a lot of work to fix. There is no quick fix for that. Some might say therapist, but who can afford that and about 80% of them don't help at all.

It sounds like the cause and the fix starts and stops with you my dude. I recently quit drinking and switched to this THC/CBD drink at bed time. Instant change in my health. Strange you're also a Vodka drinker and my health went south the fastest when I was drinking vodka. I would suggest getting away from that first, maybe switch to beer (not piss beer that will give you a headache), and then make a final shift to some alternative. Baby steps. Journal writing helped me, so try that. Weight lifting is what got my ego back to a normal level. Yeah it's overcompensation for where I lacked (like having a wonderful career), but it works still.

Do try new things, and work out what is going on in your head. I found journals as great because I could talk and no human judgement came from it. Remember the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. This could just be your inner self screaming for you to make some changes.

Good to see the chick isn't really part of your real issues... I guess you can see why I have my walls up against chicks. That's one less thing you got to fix which is good. Good luck man with whatever path you choose.

[MustBeMusic]

honestly the type of alcohol doesn't even matter to me. I am 100% and alcoholic and I know it. She does too. Anything to help with forget about what happened.
Not sure im ready to put down the bottle yet. Been in rehab but i relapsed, 2 months clean was as far as i got.
guess writing could help. she journals and thinks it helps. i write a little, music, maybe funnel it that wya?
I've met someone crazy women and this chick is far from it!

[ABC1x1x]

When going though Hell, don't stop and admire the scenery. You have to keep going through Hell until you are out of it. You aren't "going through" Hell you are fucking staying in it. Stop dragging her into Hell with you. Get THROUGH it and stop drinking so your dick works and you can treat her right. You are drowning. She will try to help you. Which what happens when someone try to save a drowning person... they get dragged down and drowning with them.

[MustBeMusic]

I'm not dragging her. or at least trying not to. I'm not worried about my dick. I'm worried about her! She found me and i don't think she'll let go unitl she's saved me.
Like i said the drinking is because of some trauma. Not details i want to get into here.

[ABC1x1x]

Re read what I said until you understand it. Until you are THROUGH Hell or what ever your trauma is, you WILL drag her down and you are a detriment to her. If you love her and can't get through let her go or you will watch her drown in a hell with you

[Nikki1989]

It might be best to let her go. Just a gut feeling from reading this.

[MustBeMusic]

and what if she won't go?

[wynning]

Ok here's a simple flowchart

[wynning]

and it's gone, lovely...

[In_Trance]

Move on. Tldr