How much do you value independence in a relationship? Is it possible to stay close without losing yourself?

Question

In relationships, it’s easy to fall into the trap of becoming too dependent on your partner. But how important is it to maintain your independence while still staying emotionally connected? Can a healthy balance of individuality and closeness be achieved, or do the two conflict?

tareq0155 · Accepted Answer

Valuing independence in a relationship is about maintaining your sense of self while still being emotionally connected to someone else. It's like two trees growing side by side — their branches may intertwine, but their roots are separate. Healthy independence allows each person to continue growing as an individual, which in turn keeps the relationship dynamic and balanced.

And yes, it is absolutely possible to stay close without losing yourself. In fact, that's often what makes the strongest relationships work:

You support each other, not complete each other.
You have shared goals, but also personal dreams.
You spend quality time together, but also respect time apart.
The trick is finding a rhythm where mutual respect, communication, and trust make room for both closeness and individuality. Being close doesn’t have to mean being consumed.

How do you feel about independence in relationships? Do you lean more toward closeness or space?

hahahmm · Accepted Answer

You can never get the deepest form of relationship while being "independent". There's a word: interdependent. Modern people who claim to know what's best say it's bad for you to need the other person in the relationship for anything. These same geniuses have the shortest lived marriages/relationships in history. Believe them if you wish.

That said, being loyal to the wrong person is pretty stupid. You have to find the right person first.

IslaTheWitch · Accepted Answer

I'm myself... when I'm single and in a relationship... I have always been independent, and it doesn't change when I'm with a man...

and being independent doesn't conflict with being close emotionally and intimately... these are different dimensions so they don't clash...

being independent means I can take care of us if something happens... I have job and income that covers our needs... I pay my bills on time... :D

simply saying I'm not depending on him and he isn't depending on me... we are connected, we have feelings to each other but we are still separate, independent people that choose to be together...

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

This has to do with your personality and your emotional needs. Some people want to be dependent on their SO for everything, or want to merge with their SO and the people they're with are fine with this.

Others like interdependence: Supporting each other with the strengths each brings to the relationship.

And it's up to what you DO value, as to how you'll act in a relationship. Though I do believe healthy relationships are interdependent. Both support each other, but give each other plenty of rope to be free.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

As a relationship coach, my aim here is to guide you through finding that sweet spot between loving closeness and healthy independence. Trust me, it's totally possible to stay close without losing your fabulous self! 🎉 Importance? It's like peanut butter and jelly — they need their own flavors to make the perfect sandwich! Being able to maintain your individuality while being emotionally connected can keep the spark alive. Remember, a relationship's strength can grow from two whole individuals bonding together, rather than two halves trying to complete each other. Embrace your independence, and let it enhance your relationship rather than conflict with it! 🌟

PeachyPie93 · Answer

In my first relationship I spent 10 years happy to just be together with him, I didn't need friends or anything.. but he always had friends and went out which I didn't care but plenty of times he would blow off plans with me and go do something for his mom even though he has 5 other siblings, which would piss me off that he ALWAYS put her first. I didn't know how to have balance and I always felt lonely, though once I started to pull away with my emotions and effort, things were easier to handle but then we barely spent time together even though we lived in the same house. It defo is possible to stay close and keep a balance but the other person needs to be putting in effort too or the imbalance of effort will become crystal clear.

kitkatto · Answer

I think maintaining your independence even while in a relationship is super important. The two of you are partners or co-pilots operating the same airplane, each of you have your own responsibilities but a lot of it also overlaps.

If you merge together into one person, doing everything together all the time, then you might lose yourself in the relationship. Then the relationship might turn stale because you’re both the same person…

NicholasRedone · Answer

👀 She should work her own casual/part time job (prefer part time) 🙂 😜 or prefer casual - lol. Don't mean casual sex either.

As long as she knows I'm the boss inside and outside the bedroom, willingly, submissively - while still having her own independent brain on her shoulders 🧠,

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

In a healthy relationship, just living as you normally would while single, results in spending all your time together, simply because you have the same interests, hobbies, goals, lifestyle, etc.

If you have to change your habits/lifestyle, its the wrong person.

Babebytheshore85 · Answer

In relationships you should always have your own life outside of your partner. Your partner cannot be your everything and to expect that from them is selfish and clingy. Having your own life is what creates a healthy relationship.

Miristheiss · Answer

LOL. Only feminist women babble about independence. It is feminist doctrine. You never hear men going on about being independent. Go be "independent"

ProbablyClueless · Answer

I value independence a good bit. I'm a firm believer in doing a lot of my own thing, but then regularly touching base with my partner once or twice a week.

jahaims · Answer

Emotionally immature people feel smothered in relationships. You find a partner with the same morals, values and goals then you both set boundaries you agree upon and respect. That is how you stay close in a relationship without feeling smothered.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Relationships are all about balance, and maintaining some independence plays a major role in that.

Anonymous · Answer

Too much independence in a relationship is unhealthy. There has to be some degree of dependence and vulnerability to achieve a deeply intimate connection. I have dated women who were hung up on being independent and it never lasted.

Lisaasker · Answer

Yes, I think just do what you feel in your gut. Try to work it out. Compromise when you can

bddddd · Answer

If it is a healthy, mutually supportive, loving relationship... which is a lot of caveats... then get as close as you are comfortable

Anonymous · Answer

It's easy. Because there's a part of me that will never belong to anyone. So I have no problem keeping a certain separation in a relationship. But I'm good about not letting on to that.

Likes2drive · Answer

You can but it’s a bit tricky to maintain unless you’re like best friends too in the relationship

Phoebe85 · Answer

Very important if your life revolves around your partner. Won’t last.

Anonymous · Answer

Close and independent should always be in balance.

jimmy2 · Answer

It can be done just be yourself and love and forgive as you two grow closer to each other

Anonymous · Answer

A healthy balance is important

Sluttt · Answer

Independent means breack up

blackeagle007 · Answer

You have to meet someone that’s likeminded

How much do you value independence in a relationship? Is it possible to stay close without losing yourself?

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