How can someone maintain a sense of independence while still being part of a committed relationship?

[Anonymous]

I want to be in a serious and committed relationship. I admire couples who have been committed to each other for many years. But whenever a relationship lasts longer than a few months, I feel like my freedom is being restricted. How do you think I can overcome this situation?

[sheenagwapa]

you can be comitted and still have independence... me and my ex are not on each other faces all the time. in fact he is the one who would get mad at me because i at times forget he is qrpun i'm too busy with my inyerest. he also go out with his friends not one time i truthfully forbif him and when it comes to other women i am not bad. one time my ex is sick in the gospital and usually i'm the one who takes care of him i'm his slave 😂 and there's this beautiful nurse who is flirting with gim the nurse thought i'm his sister. people always thought we are siblings i am just there inside the room laughing hearing their conversations but in the end i get mad because it also took so long it's abuse but yeah it's not unusual of me that i just laugh it off because i feel secure and i have trust in the relationship. i also don't really care if he finds other women attractive i'm a girl and i find other women attractive. my ex would accuse me that i'm making him ugly which is the exact opposite i actually want a lot of women to feel attracted to him. i give him the best advise. onectime he got so mad at me because of his haircut but then he is the one who ask for my help so i instructed the hairdresser after the haircut i feel he just wanna kill me he was furious i am like wtf i just follow what he asks of me. men at times i think are freakin unreasonable. he keep telling me i wanna make him ugly but it's not he actually look so hot on his new hairstyle and i prove to be rigjt because when he visited my family gatherings my aunties kerp tellinh me he is so handsome with his hairstyle and in the mall his female friends praise his new hairstyle. his smile is so wide. the hairstyle is Kpop lookinh because he looks Korean so the best place to find inspi is his lookalikes 😭😭😭😭me and my ex are very close it's like i'm hiw mom 😁

[midnightmoon05]

The question should prob say. How to eliminate drama and be respectful to each other?

I would run.

I am a woman and work with 99% women… but seriously … gives me a headache just reading it.

[Tiptoetamm]

Absolutely! I've always been super independent still am sometimes drives my man crazy but I don't know any other way to be. I have a problem I solve it myself I rarely ask for help even when I desperately need it. It's just a part of me and it's hard to change. Little by little I'm letting him in my head and how I think. Just be upfront about it. Most men I would think would want an independent woman who deals with their own shot and comes to them with after they solved the problem

[CaptainOverthink]

In a way a relationship is about restricting through a promise to commit to certain rules of engagement to others in order to remain exclusive with whoever you are paired up with. So I mean, all in all it's not strange at all.
However each couple have their own rules and expectations about what that is supposed to look like, being commited.
It is up to you as partners to tailor this agreement to your liking, hopefully early on.

I'd say you'd need to give eachother room for trusted freetime. You both need to see your friends, have hobbies and be allowed to be independent. But don't be regularly apart for more than 2-3 days or you'll drift apart. Obviously this takes trust, you know, the foundation of relationships.
You both need to agree on this openly, you need to say it, you can't assume it.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Your freedom is restricted. You can no longer go out and do whatever you want, when you want because now you have someone else to worry about, not just yourself.
But when you love someone, having total freedom isn't as important to you anymore. You want to make them happy too, and you don't want it to be all about you.

So I think that's your problem. You like the idea of a relationship, but you haven't stayed in one long enough to actually love someone. You're still too focused on you.
Which is ok, but don't go chasing a relationship u till you're ready to make that sacrifice and commitment

[Sunssong]

Easy. Create a joint vision for the relationship. A vision is exactly how you want the relationship to be like. It should be definite. Joint meaning agreed upon and created together. Once created you wake up and realize that vision everyday. You can also add to the vision.

How would you like to live? Okay now start living that way. It's that simple. You already know the answer.

[ChillaxingLove]

You shouldn’t feel like your every waking moment must be spent with only your partner. Relationships shouldn't feel like a jail but you shouldn’t be loose like a single person.

If you’re being smothered you are in a toxic relationship. Best to work it out and change that or get out while you can.

[anon1903]

You can.

1. Do solitary activities that doesn't include your partner. 2. Go out with friends every once in a while for brunch or drinking. 3. Take time off for self caring. 4. Tell your partner you need me time. 5. Give your work a hundred percent.

Stuff like that.

[DextroShade]

You can't get something without giving something up, and you should also remember that he is also giving up things for you. Men will give up seeing other women for you, in addition to spending his time and resources on you; in exchange he may require you to cut contact with exes, not post skanky pictures on social media, and not go to bars or clubs or on trips without him. Also, the more valuable the man the more you will have to give.

If you can't handle it, buy a dog and die alone.

[Twalli]

Make sure you engage in activites that your SO is not part of. Make sure you work in different jobs that don't connect a lot. Have a friend group that he's not part of (also have a friend group he's part of, just not only that one). Have a semblance of a life that he's not part of. That's what it is like with my girlfriend and me.

[melanieeeB]

Being and staying your own person and a not controlling and possessive partner is probably the way to still be your own person, while having a partner at your side I guess

[FilmGuy93]

Boundaries. Having alone time. Having a hobby you do on your own.

Just having aspects of your lives that are different from your partner's.

[hbg84]

You're better off getting some cats. You don't have the mentality it takes to stay in a committed relationship. That requires sacrificing something. It seems clear you aren't willing to sacrifice anything

[Molly1997]

Your freedom shouldn’t feel restricted, I’ve been in a relationship for 8 years and have never felt restricted. Maybe it’s because we are so alike.

[boggboss]

Freedoms do get restricted to some degree but that dont mean they vanish u still should do your own thing and not be with eachother 24/7

[Jamie05rhs]

How do you feel like your freedom is being restricted? Is it a general feeling, or are there specific things that are restricted?
(I'm just asking out of curiosity!)

[Anonymous]

what in the world do you mean? do you not request time to yourself? in my 7 year relationship i have never felt like i didn't have independence... ?

[SoJust]

The lines of relationships can be disrupted, my friend, such situations, and you should be prepared for any kind of events

[EpicSnail]

Maybe it depends on who you date. Think people vary in how clingy they are.

[Anonymous]

By having clear boundaries. You set those early on in a relationship. If you do this and there's an understanding this shouldn't be a problem.

[Mallic00]

I feel this is a large part of why a lot of relationships fall apart, that feeling of restraint.