How not to self-sabotage when things are going too well?

Question

I feel like things are going in the right direction. We have made things official and I really like and love him and vice versa but I can't shake the uncertainty in my mind.

Like is this moving too fast?
Are we really that compatible?
Are there things I'm missing?
Why do I feel like there is something missing like in my last relationship?
Why am I finding little things to nitpick over in my mind?

Like what is wrong with me?

I have found a great guy and yet, I feel uncertain. But I know that has got to be the anxious attachment style rearing it's ugly head at me. Or is it avoidant?

So how can I stop from self-sabotaging in the relationship?

I've gone to therapy to become more secure and yet here I am being insecure again.

pianogirlmeow · Accepted Answer

It’s avoidment attachment and i’m going through it right now. I don't know how to deal with it but i saw a video of a woman saying avoidment attachments always want to find the perfect person and will find someone who has 99 traits they want but will always be thinking about the 1 that’s missing, which is impossible to find in life. need to remember to stop thinking about all the things he doesn’t have and appreciate all the positives he brings to your life

Booboolove69 · Accepted Answer

OMG … I do this very same thing  Everything can be going perfectly and it never fails I gotta inflict some kinda pain to be happy with it  Unreal 🤔

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

Our sub Conscious is where our ideas come from. That's where they stayed until we bring them out. You already know we all already know things before they happen. But we don't pay attention to themaybe in a way you are paying attengine and you're just kind of. One answer is now.

First thing you need to do is stop clear. Everything out of your head yesterday was yesterday. Activate, nothing has happened and start the day fresh.
Quit thinking so deep

MannMitAntworten · Accepted Answer

It is in most human’s wiring to sabotage a good thing and pursue the bad idea. Break the cycle and see where it takes you.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Oh, the tangled webs we weave with our hearts and minds! 💕 You're dancing with the shadows of anxious and avoidant attachment styles, but it's perfectly normal! Recognize that uncertainty is a natural part of finding love. The key? Embrace the present and remind yourself of the wonderful connection you share. Communication with your partner can help reinforce your bond. Trust that good things can last. You're not doomed to repeat old patterns—you've got the tools. Try focusing on gratitude for your partner and the relationship's positive aspects to calm those jitters. Keep the anxious gremlins at bay and enjoy the love fest! 🚀

Shiprex · Answer

Stop over thinking it. Don't worry you're wise enough to deal with things as they come up and smart enough to avoid over reacting

Work 9n making the environment for him comfortable as well as making you happy. Be honest and positive as that's not likely to cause drama or consternation. Accept errors and mistakes will occur and be forgiving. Enter with compassion for yourself and trust in him. Seek to find ways for you each to be looking forward to the next time you are together.

There's no magic wand to wave that gets it right and perfection is the enemy of happiness.

Good luck 👍 you're gonna thrive.

Twalli · Answer

If you feel it is moving too fast, tell him you want to take things slower
What parts of your relationship lead you to believe you aren't that compatible?
There probably aren't. Unless he's a lying sleaze bag (which should be obvious pretty early on), he's probably pretty open with you.
Talk with him about what you think is missing. If you don't know, maybe he can at least help you find out what it is or feel like nothing is actually missing.
You're finding little things to nitpick over, because you're scared. No relationship is perfect, and I'm in one that most people would consider perfect. It isn't, although our problems are probably so minor that others wouldn't consider them problems. The little things can't be gotten rid of, but you cna deal with them if you don't focus on them.

Anonymous · Answer

Does the self sabotaging happen when you are away from him? Because if so, don't listen to it...

How things really are is when you are together, remember that, don't listen to yourself when you are alone, as long as you know you are self sabotaging use that consciousness to switch it around, if you know he's a good guy and you know everything is going well tell yourself that millions of times and throw that other bullcrap out the window and remember how and why you got with him in the first place. As an overthinker/self sabotager myself I know it's complicated because if it's anything like me you will start to fill your whole brain with doubt overwhelming yourself to the point you actually change your beautiful personality throw all that negativity away, you have something good, you know it.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

Feeling anxious because you don't want to mess things up is natural.. Especially after past experiences.. I would assume that even if you went to therapy the feeling would still pop up.. I think that at the end of the day, the best thing is to realize that so far... Your anxious feelings don't dictate the reality of what's really going on..

nawtee_me · Answer

I think if at any point you were hurt in a relationship that it is normal not to want to get hurt again. Therefore you look expecting to see things and when you don’t it is not normal.
When I was addicted to drugs the whole drug life was normal to me so that when I quit everything that I felt was abnormal to me even though it was normal to everyone else. If that makes sense? What you are used to feels the norm and when those things aren’t there it feels abnormal even though it really is normal for a good relationship. You need to remember that new things bring new feelings and new norms…. That is why bonding is so important

Anonymous · Answer

OMG, you're being such a woman!

Just kidding. But yes, you are overthinking. I don't know what to tell you other than it's good that you recognize it in yourself and are trying to contain it.

I hope you get through it and everything works out as great as it seems to be now. Best of luck.

insatiable_curiosity · Answer

Some of this may represent normal jitters. If you turn the question around, why do you think you might be having the thoughts and doubts that you are?

SixFootSexy · Answer

Try turning your brain off a little. Don't over think it, be in the moment and take each day as it comes.

fish5505_87 · Answer

Maybe you just a worry wart? No trying to be disrespectful, some people are wired that way, maybe accept it, understand your anxieties and then work them out. I like to walk to do that?

WhitneySnow · Answer

Keep going to therapy and talk to him about your feelings

exitseven · Answer

This is definitely moving too fast. Take the time to enjoy getting to know him.

Pterodon · Answer

You take it one day at a time. Is the relationship ok today? If so then don’t worry about tomorrow

PeterLegg91 · Answer

Act and do the same things you did and say when you've first met him

Crankor · Answer

Maybe start by stop having expectations and just play it out. If it's nothing that's harmful to you then it could just be you not always being in your comfort zone which is not always a bad thing.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Stop the overthinking and let things happen or don't happen naturally.

dudeinohio · Answer

It's easy to feel insecure if you've been burned before. Things get better in time when trust is built.

Yohenis · Answer

Do not over think Live the moment Take things easy/slow if you're not confident  And MEDITATE OFTEN/YOGA

Mulcair · Answer

Let everything remain as it is

spartan55 · Answer

You keep thinking about his tiny weiner...😂 😂

Lilly1979 · Answer

Take it slowly.

How not to self-sabotage when things are going too well?

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