Is it wrong or controlling to have a zero tolerance policy toward cheating in a marriage or relationship?

Question

Recently I was having a conversation on here of all places about loyalty and fidelity in a marriage. Said person told me i was sexist, controlling, abusive, and misogynistic for telling my wife that if she ever cheated on me, it would be instant divorce.. Additionally it would be instant divorce if she asked for any form of hall pass or open marriage/relationship.

Cormac995 · Accepted Answer

Cheating is the 4th evilest thing you can do to a person. Anyone who tries to convince you cheating is fine is a cheater trying to dodge the consequences of being a bitch/bastard. The order of evil goes

1. Rape.

2. Lying about rape.

3. Murder.

4. Cheating and/or Abuse

Those are the four evilest things you can do to someone. 5 is

A 0, tolerance policy for cheating isn't controlling it's, common fucking sense and basic human decency. These rules you made are supposed to be implied and unspoken rules of marriage anyways. The fact people think this is fine while married says a lot about how bad dating has become in our society.

If you're rule is cheating/asking for a hall pass = instant divorce you're not controlling it's common sense. The whole fucking point of getting married is you agree to be together exclusively. I'd never pay for a ring for someone who was going to be fucking other guys.

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

No. That person was wrong. This is fine. I have the same policy. I couldn't even take someone seriously if they accused me of being controlling or misogynistic because of that. Don't let idiots get to you. If someone's views are that absurd... don't let them matter enough to bother you.

If someone thinks this, they obviously are a fucking idiot. Just disregard views that clearly messed-up out of hand.

The person is obviously unfamiliar with the concept of monogamy, or what a marriage entails. That's fine. But to try and tell you that you're wrong? They're an idiot.

ShellyB · Accepted Answer

No, I think everybody should have the assumption that if someone cheats, the relationship is over. Can you get it back, maybe. But it is over unless or until you get it back.

However it can be weird if it’s something you bring up a lot, like if every few weeks you tell your partner “remember that if you cheat, it’s over” that would seem kind of paranoid or distrustful. JMO!

Vesuvius87 · Accepted Answer

There is nothing wrong with it. Loyalty and fidelity isn't something so extraordinary. It should be the bare minimum in any relationship or marriage. Ideally, we wouldn't even need to remind them that cheating will result in an immediate break-up or divorce. They are adults and should already know that.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

I'm here to help spice up your relationship game! Having a zero-tolerance policy towards cheating isn't inherently controlling or sexist. It reflects your personal boundary and commitment to monogamy, and that's totally valid. In relationships, communication and mutual understanding are key. As long as you and your partner are on the same page and your expectations are clear, you're golden! 🚀 Just make sure you're both comfortable discussing boundaries, as it can make sparks fly in the best way possible! 😊💥

OlderAndWiser · Answer

That person was engaging in a bit of projection, accusing you of all the things she herself is doing. Her telling you that you must tolerate cheating, and calling you names if you don't, is her attempt at controlling you. The best response is to tell her to go suck a goat's titty.

Finchie40 · Answer

Not at all , the person that told you that was a complete moron

princeofromance · Answer

No, it is not wrong. No one should tolerate those things in any relationship.

bolverk · Answer

No its not wrong to have solid boundary towards cheating in a relationship/marriage, I have been cheated on twice, those relationships ended within 6 hours of my finding out about them.

I would hazard a guess the the one that told you were "sexist, controlling, abusive, and misogynistic for telling my wife that if she ever cheated on me, it would be instant divorce" was a woman, If you Flip it around and it was a man cheating on her she would LOOSE HER SHIT, and would not want to 'TALK IT THROUGH', but would instead smear your name across every Social Media she was on.

Funny how they have this Double Standard isn't it!

The same boundary applies to "if she asked for any form of hall pass or open marriage/relationship" which strangely enough women bring up in roughly a 90/10 ratio to men.

Fireguy17 · Answer

I don't know if it is wrong or right, but for me it's 1 and done.
I have an ex-wife and an ex-girlfriend that earned that ex prefix because they were cheating.
I caught my ex-wife with the landlord in bed.
She asked me what I was doing there, and I replied I used to live here turned around and left.

DrPepper12 · Answer

If marital monogamy is your red line then that's fine! I think it's anachronistic, unnatural & weird but that's the beauty of diverse opinions!

Marriages are living things. The rules at the beginning can evolve & change. I don't think discussing possibilities is instant divorce. That's juvenile & disrespectful.

lyrem04 · Answer

No, if they cheat on you… they’re the one who divorced you. They broke their vows and so that’s a perfect ground for divorce in my book.

ManOnFire · Answer

Sounds like that person is into open marriages/swinging and the sort. Fuck that. I'm with you on your zero tolerance. You shouldn't stand for that at all and it doesn't make you controlling in the least bit.

EmmaMary · Answer

Just for once I actually tend to agree with you... However you must remember that this can also apply with your wife telling you precisely the same thing.

Miristheiss · Answer

She is a warped person obviously. She is probably a cheater, hence, why she is against holding cheaters responsible for their actions.

Cutekity · Answer

You laid the ground rules… that doesn’t sound controlling at all.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Nope, cheaters get the boot, no forgiveness, no second chances, no getting anything from the victim in a divorce.

Angelo75 · Answer

Well as long as it goes both ways, well, it's the decision of you guys.

KittygosMeoWW · Answer

no, it’s weird if you would accept it and keep going back… I mean, I’ve done it but the hope was to not be cheating on

Anonymous · Answer

I’d dump a dude’s ass on site , cheating shouldn’t be tolerated period.

WonderingManII · Answer

I think it sounds pretty fair, but I think there should be room for forgiveness, if someone made a bad choice by giving into temptation. Then they ask you to forgive them.

Anonymous · Answer

I have a zero tolerance policy too but you shouldn’t divorce her just for asking

Zoi2000 · Answer

No, why take them back? They’ll do it again. My Aunt kept cheating cause she suffered no consequences. Saw this in school too.

RingOfFire · Answer

Ummmmmm... No? Just guessing here. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

LiamJHayden · Answer

Nope. Cheating is a violation of trust. No trust = no relationship.

dudeinohio · Answer

You are correct. Zero tolerance is normal. Disregard what that liberal squid said.

BDRick · Answer

If it’s wrong, then paint me, Red and Call Me Sally

Panthero80 · Answer

How is expecting your partner to be faithful being "controlling?"

ChooChooHaha · Answer

UH, NO. Monogamy. Wow. A difficult concept.

Account · Answer

No, I agree with you. I would do the same.

beenherebefore · Answer

You are 100% right in my opinion.

Phoenix98 · Answer

That's perfectly reasonable.

imfreeze95 · Answer

No it’s not. It should really go without saying.

WhiteThought · Answer

No. That's fine.

Sammygirl9287 · Answer

No it's not

shortster · Answer

Not at all

Is it wrong or controlling to have a zero tolerance policy toward cheating in a marriage or relationship?

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