Was I too harsh to tell this broken man that if he really wants me, he can't rely on me 100% to get his act together?

[Anonymous]

This man and I have very good chemistry. We have known eachother for a while.. I am aware of the stresses thats happening in his life right now, his past, and his dreams. We are both single parents, we share the same humor, and we have great deep conversations. One thing we both struggle with, is anxiety and depression. I would say I cope with it a lot healthier than he does. I talk to friends, exercise, pray, or just meditate when I get alone time. He gets drunk, which aggravates me.

We both have so much love for each other. There was a time where I was in love with him, and he said he was in love with me (he said it first by the way) but then backpedaled because of his traumatic divorce that he has 2 years ago. He was scared that he was getting strong feelings again for a new woman.

Time went by and we started talking again. He is fully into it now, and wants to be with me. I am super guarded from him hurting me by running away when he felt like he was getting tok close as I mentioned. I was transparent and told him that I liked him too, but I dont trust him. I told him that if he really wants to be with me, that he is going to have to work hard to earn my trust back.

We had an interesting conversation.. he said how he drinks more than he wants, and that his alcoholic friends dont help the situation either. I told him that, as a father who is in his early 30s, he has to fix that problem since it's doing him no good. He says, "Well that's why I need you! To tell me what to do! I need you to tell me no." I spoke calmly as my blood was boiling. I was straight up with him. I told him, "You are a grown man. I am happy to be there for you, but you need to help yourself too. I am not your babysitter or your mother. You're not in high school, so dont use your friends as an excuse. I need a man who leads, not a grown man to take care of when it comes to irresponsible habits." He was quiet and told me I was right. He then told me that he can't give me what I deserve.

[Summeroflove]

You’re going to have to be honest and communicate your feelings. Emotional support goes both ways if you feel like you’re being drained while getting little to none in return this can be a issue.

I’m not saying that he’s a bad person because I don’t know him and it sounds like he’s going through a lot. But if he ran away once should you be worried? Yeah… Other red flags like being drunk and possibly using you as a crutch.

You aren’t his boss you can’t make him do anything. You can help him and advise him but he’s a adult and you’re a adult. But in a relationship I understand needing to calm down but you need to be honest about how you feel with him respectfully and if he can’t have that conversation without trying to get defensive, turn it around on you, make it a argument then maybe just take it for what it is. Maybe it’s not meant to be.

Sometimes some people can seem really great in the beginning using empathetic people who want to help them and love them and turn it against someone. He chooses to have those friends. He chooses to drink the way he does. He needs to get professional help as well.

Look I’m the same way I don’t want a woman to be my my mother and I don’t want to be a father to a woman either. But some people just choose to not mature and keep making the same decisions they’re making. But if you’re saying you want a man who leads you may be putting the same responsibility on him as he’s wanting you to take on depending on your definition of the word.

It’s possible dark personalities do this where they run away from someone because they found someone else or think they can find better. When those plans fall through they come crawling back. Acting all good again… Until they’re not.

You need to decide if you really see a future with him or not. Maybe you both need someone else. Maybe he’s not even bad but maybe you’re both just needing and wanting different things form a partner. But it’s also possible he’s a more nefarious figure then he had led you on to believe.

[Finchie40]

You are best just to move on from him and realize you deserve someone better than that shit , the fact that he is an alcoholic you are best to stay away from that shit all together. It be one thing if he was only drinking on occasion , but if he is drinking all the time , he has some serious issues that he needs to get help with on his own. Being in a relationship with someone that is an alcoholic is not a happy relationship whatsoever, they will choose the booze over choosing you.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the tangled web of love and self-growth! You've got chemistry and those deep convos that make the heart flutter, but let's face it: love isn't always a rainbow parade, right? Setting boundaries and sticking to them isn't harsh; it's about knowing your worth and ensuring you're not his life coach in disguise. No one wants to mother a man-child (unless you're role-playing, but hey, that’s another story 😏). As sweet as it is to feel needed, it's way healthier for the relationship if he stands on his own feet. You deserve a partner, not a project! 🌟

[Truthatanycost]

No, not too harsh. But I would question why you keep on entertaining him in your life when you know how he is...

[Asker]

You're not wrong. Its a bad habit to pick up the phone.

[RavVid]

No you weren't harsh. You needed to call it as it is. Some people want to be fixed by someone else and it doesn't work like that. It is an easy cope out.

[Danny_dan92]

If he doesn’t have his act together and gets told to fix himself and he gets mad about being told to do so. He needs to grow up