Is it a problem if your partner does not consider you their best friend?

Question

Should "best friend" and "lover" be two separate things? Does your partner need to be your best friend or is it okay that you put them in one category and your friends with whom you have no love relationship with, in another.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

Well… yes and no.

A guy will always have his “inner circle” who know everything about them. That inner circle is small, but it’s not really healthy for it to be just one person. The girl he ends up with should not expect that. (And the guys should not expect that of the girl either.)

Having said that, it’s important for a couple to be able to share openly and in that sense be best friends. He should know her family and friends well enough to know who he can ask or reach out to in case of an urgent matter, private matter, etc. Same for the girl.

Do they ALL need to be bffs? No, but think of it as being similar to running a neighborhood shop with your partner and having to know annd remember details about all the preferred vendors and the regular customers… You know each other and are on friendly terms so you can run the shop properly.

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

It's nice if your partner can be your best friend and lover, but not absolutely essential. I certainly was close to my husband, but I hadn't known him as long as people I considered my best friends, so he didn't make it to that category.

I think spouses should be very good friends. That means when times are tough and you're not having fireworks in the bedroom, you can offer a helping emotional hand to lead each other through those tough times.

I think each couple has to figure out how and in what category their SO fits. Sometimes they'll do double duty, in other cases not so much so. But being a friend is essential.

If you don't like your SO, what the heck are you doing with them?

Purpleronnie · Accepted Answer

I don’t think a partner necessarily has to be your “best friend” in fact there may be more than one argument for them NOT to be. I’d say that having them as a friend first is always a good plan though many relationship don’t start this way which could be one reason why so many cracks appear off the bat. The way I see it my partner is my friend and also my lover , and much more besides. Sure I tend to compartmentalize but that helps me distinguish rules and expectations, perceptions etc.. I’m sure most of us do that even if we are not immediately conscious of it.

I don’t think it needs be divisive either way however , as definition of best friend vs friend is subjective. Don’t get hung up on it … he should consider you a friend at the very least 😜

Zack-Bann · Accepted Answer

For the long run it will be yes

I don’t expect to take that position on day one

But I do expect to become her number one and she mine eventually.

The bigger problem would be her having a guy best friend.
I’m fairly relaxed and open minded about most things but this is one I learned through experience I can’t put up with

If we’re dating there can’t be another guy she’s closer to.
I can’t walk around egg shells all the time because she’s gonna go vent to him and give him the play by play

And he will of course say “he doesn’t deserve you”
Because yes 12 out of 10 times he wants her

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

As your friendly neighborhood relationship coach, let me sprinkle a little bit of relationship wisdom here! 💫 It's absolutely okay to keep your "best friend" and "lover" separate. Having different people fulfill different roles can bring balance and enrich your life. Your partner doesn't need the "best friend" label to be a loving, supportive partner. Sometimes, maintaining a variety of close relationships can nurture you in unique and beautiful ways. Just focus on what makes you and your partner happy! 😄💕

Finchie40 · Answer

If you and your partner aren’t each others’ best friend , then that relationship probably won’t last. Your partner should always be your top priority over everyone else and the same goes for your partner making you their top priority as well , if your partner isn’t doing that for you , then you are best to really reconsider that relationship.

AviatorTom · Answer

It shouldn't be...

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

She's not my friend  because I'm separating friendship (philia based) from love (eros based). Different sentiments, different connection, different expectations, different fulfillment felt. Friendship is platonic affection for me, while romantic love has little to do with Plato and more to do with Eros.  Eros here heavily modifies the landscape  of my connection with her.  That's  just vocabulary though , I'm exploiting the lack of definition of your question. If you defined what a best friend is, there's a thin chance we would agree lol

Anonymous · Answer

When I was in a relationship, I would say “best girlfriend in the world”.

When talking to my best friend, would go “you’re my best friend in the world”.

Hypothetically, this answers the question as instructed.
They are separate, therefore I treat them as such. Though that is personal preference.
If your partner says someone else is their best friend, don’t be jealous or think it is mean of them not to consider you because in their mind best friend is someone outside your relationship who you are bestest of buddies with, not a direct attack on you as their romantic partner of interest.

Anonymous · Answer

Men don't all think the same way. Some want a best friend in a partner, others do not. They might already have that roll filled by a buddy who has known them their entire life.

One great thing about the majority of men is they are up front and clear about what they want.

Woman often incorrectly think men are telling you one thing, but mean another, or will change.

They aren't and don't usually. They adapt, but rarely change. This is broadly of course.

Woman are the ones playing those wishy washy mind games, and really should stop. It is not helpful in relationships especially in the age of social media.

Hal2002 · Answer

Far from it, show me any couple that consider themselves best friends and you are looking at couple that is in a passionless sexless marriage.

Anyone that is in a romantic relationship, if they will be honest. Will tell you, when they became friends with their romantic interest, the passion and romance left the relationship.

Shiprex · Answer

Can be or not. If you are close and have similar interests the boyfriend is not out of the question BUT that's not essential as you end up being super reliant for validation from each other and that can be tiresome. Having a boyfriend who's someone outside the relationship can be more fulfilling and give each other space to grow without the other but alongside

Katebfun · Answer

I don't think it would be a major problem if y’all are not serious about a long-term commitment.

Yes, it could be an issue long term. In the end, Love will not keep the relationship going. A strong foundation of Friendship will, along with Respect, combability, trust, communication and wanting to be around them in general.

hannamontana · Answer

No, they don’t have to be the same. Your partner doesn’t need to be your best friend—as long as there’s love, trust, and support, it’s okay to keep some emotional roles for your friends or other loved ones.

WhitneySnow · Answer

You should always be one of your partner’s best friends, but they can have other best friends too.

EmmaMary · Answer

Thankfully my husband is also my very best and dearest friend (what else could he possibly ever be)... And likewise I'm his.

BadApple69 · Answer

I had a girl tell me once that she didn’t care if we broke up as long as we could still be best friends. So to her they were two separate things. For me to be one you will be the other.

strateguy632 · Answer

It is preferred, because best friends usually don't become lovers, they stay best friends. A partner lacks the time together, that the best friends were together.

midnightmoon05 · Answer

It’s a problem if he has a best female friend.  is that what you mean?  He should have a best guy friend.

molonski2 · Answer

Two absolutely separate things in my view , it's like saying a child is a " best friend " the relationship should be different than that.

soe11 · Answer

Yes it's a huge problem.  No points being a partner without being a best friend. Me and my girlfriend are best of the best friends.

ShannynSteen · Answer

Personally I find myself more attracted to them and fall harder for them if I am able to connect with them on a best friend level as well as a lover.

anon1903 · Answer

Nope. I don't want to play multiple roles. I'm not a fucking movie actress. I'm quite content being their significant other

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

The best friend stage comes before the relationship stage, so that situation would never happen as far as I'm concerned.

exitseven · Answer

When I got married a already had a best friend and my wife understood that. He died a year ago and my wonderful wife has been very understanding

Prin97 · Answer

Yes, if you are partners then you are not supposed to be enemies……. are you?

Babygirl_S · Answer

It’s okay! He’s used to being used. Not my business

Vegasrunner · Answer

You never want your chick as your best friend.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Initially, no. If you've been married for a decade, something is off.

Anonymous · Answer

Why would you want to be with someone that wasn't your best friend? I'd say the problem is accepting it.

FenixG45 · Answer

In my opinion, the two should be one and the same, but I understand many are not!

IWILLPLEASEYOU · Answer

It appears that you are not going to be in the shower now

Anonymous · Answer

I'm single, always have been, so I don't have to worry about that.

RageBabe · Answer

It isn't while I am single.

Jennz6 · Answer

We’re working on it

12karen · Answer

Yes, If I'm the partner, I'm also the best friend

LiaRaven · Answer

Sometimes

Deserter3 · Answer

Only if their best friend is the same sex as you

qwerty2469 · Answer

Is she did id think she was gay and divorce her.

rebelkid · Answer

Nope. I am numb to it at this point

jimmy2 · Answer

Must be or no solid relationship

Billybob46 · Answer

Nope, not a problem.

Sal_Monella · Answer

Nope.

Is it a problem if your partner does not consider you their best friend?

Most Helpful Opinions

AI Opinion

What Girls & Guys Said