Relationships

What’s a red flag in a past relationship that your gut picked up—and you’re now grateful you trusted that instinct and walked away?

In my 20s i met someone online who had been deported from the US for overstaying a visa. We started a long distance situationship with the end goal, if we liked each other enough, i would sponsor him for a fiancé visa. We talked and texted every day and he wanted to go forward with the next step.

The application process had a few requirements: bank statements, passport photos, notarization, all these things. He filled out his forms real quick. I had a few different tasks to complete on my end.

At this point, yes, i met someone. It was unmistakable that we liked each other and doubts crept up about marrying someone who needed me for sponsorship as opposed to get to know someone who liked me without needing something. I stalled on sending the application while my lovesick brain cooled down from the high of an infatuation. i didn’t call that night, i was supposed to send in the paperwork.

The next day, there was an ambush of voice messages about how rude i was and how dare i not go through with it. I had only hesitated a day and just needed a minute of space

However, the abusive shouting messages, as you can imagine, did nothing to assuage my anxiety. When we talked he had checked his attitude now said, don’t worry about it i don’t need your sponsorship. I took the out he offered and ran with it, even though i knew full well he was just saying that so i’d say “no, i want to. I’m sorry i’ll go to the post office today”
It took a while to get over the guilt of not keeping my word, but i got over it. I’m allowed to hesitate a minute, postpone a post office visit one day, without having to be yelled at

I’m over the guilt now. I maybe led him on for a second, okay.
But I have no regrets about changing my mind

Was thinking of that experience on my way home from work today and was surprised to feel nothing in the way of regret or guilt. I wonder if any of you has an experience to share about following your gut and being at peace with the decision
What’s a red flag in a past relationship that your gut picked up—and you’re now grateful you trusted that instinct and walked away?
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