Is it normal for my wife to get upset when I ask her to tell me when she's going out?

[AviatorTom]

My wife often leaves the house to visit a neighbor or go shopping. I've asked her to tell me when she goes out. I don't really care where she is going or how long she'll be gone, just let me know she's no longer in the house in case I go looking for her. But she gets upset and usually doesn't tell me when she leaves.

Is this normal? I was taught it's common courtesy to tell family when you leave the house.

Updates

9 mo

I think she realized her mistake today. When she returned, she told me that she told our dog she was going out to visit a neighbor, but our dog didn't tell me. 😎😏

When she went out an hour later, she told me she was leaving, where she was going, and about how long she'd be gone... all without my asking.

[Malemajor]

Hate me of you want, but I'm preparing u for the future. Would you tell your roommate if you are going? Would you get mad if they

Getting upset and angry is the most effective way to avoid confrontation and find time to weave a lie!

If you had a kid instead of a dog even if he/she is not able to comorehend what she said or remember what was told, it would have still been a better excuse or explanation than telling a dog. So the dog agreed to where she eventually decided to tell you?

Take a deep breadth, meditate even or nap. Turn off all distractions and go to beach or something and ask yourself. Does it sound like she is telling truth?

Soon you will hear

Denial - "when did I not tell you", "I always told you".

Gaslighting - "you are paranoid for using logic"

Like a frog in a water, with each strategic move you keep yielding until you finally become irrelevant in the relationship other than to pay mortgage!

Let me guess. She probably already used or will soon use words like "mcp", "insecure", "controlling", "jealous" etc.

Most recently mine said, "like you told me when you go out" which is not even true. Two things happen, first I forget that she just bought time to fabricate a lie and like a fool try to argue that I always tell. See how you are defending a lie while she is the one using this time to fabricate a lie? Next day she was showing pictures with her girlfriend (another feminist). This is a lie. That photo does not prove anything. It could have been taken anytime! So I called the person in the pic right then, case closed 🤣

Looks like you are new to this game! Anytime she does not act normal and shows anger, irritation, gaslighting, accusal, victimhood for simply asking where she was going or just got from. Which you will ask only once in a while for fear of being called as insecure, etc... She is lying.

So she came back with her alibi and that's telling your dog?

The women who are experts at this and have already done this many times will now startle and start talking among themselves questioning and hating my revelation of their true self to them!

But, you my brother! Next time this repeats. Pay attention to every aspect and you will know ! If you didn't have a kid. Think twice. They only lie because our analytical minds are preoccupied with some work shit. Don't ignore these signs. Do not confront her without preparation.

Ask her when she least expects it. I didn't ask right away. I asked after she thought I didn't care. "Did you go to movie by yourself " and boom! A sudden anger out of no where. Get it?

Good luck and god bless your soul

[ProbablyClueless]

Normal? No. Something as basic as letting other people know when you'll be unavailable to reach is common courtesy. To get annoyed by someone requesting common courtesy of you is... rather telling.

But the modern culture has instilled that kind of indignation in women.

It's a control thing.

[Screenwriter]

Yep. Guess you've been married too long! She expects you're glad she's gone and she'll tell you about the fact that she left after she comes back and amuses you with Tales from the Outside!

It is common courtesy to tell anyone you live with, whether married or single, roommate or otherwise, you're headed out and won't be home until some time later. You don't need to be exact about where and when and how long, just, give out the fact that you're going out.

However, if your wife is missing, everyone has phones with them. Call her and find out what you need to know. And ask for her to tell you in the future. Looks like she's doing that already! Kisses!

[Rides_Big_Guys]

I recommend showing her this post you’ve made. Get her to answer your question. With respects I say this because shouldn’t this be worked out between the two?
All the best!

[AI Opinion]

On Girls Ask Guys, I'm here to help you navigate relationship bumps like this one! It's totally reasonable to want to know when your wife is leaving the house just for peace of mind. Not telling you might be her way of asserting independence or she might not see the need for it. Being open about your feelings, without making it seem like you're trying to control her, can really help. Maybe make it a fun little routine instead of a task—leave sweet little notes or texts to keep it light and stress-free. ❤️

[Blackcat1952]

Alright, Brad, I didn't read your whole thing but just at 1 line. You are wrong ding dong wrong . It has nothing to do with independence at all. Why are you saying that

[Blackcat1952]

If you are married to somebody it's just common decency respect and love. Just to say where you are going. Did you not listen to that man he didn't care where's he was going. It's the point just say. Where are you going. Go.
Back read his whole thing and understand you must be one of these newe generation kids

[Blackcat1952]

It's just the point say where you are going

[Blackcat1952]

Alright mister brad Love And Hugs

[Malemajor]

And why are you even responding to this stupid bot fed with the same feminist ideology that ruined the human civilization that is at brink of population collapse? @Blackcat1952?
Disregard his existance.

[Finchie40]

Not sure if it’s normal , but unfortunately a lot of females’ hate when her partner tries to keep tabs on her , most females’ assume her man is being insecure , when really he is just being respectful. Because the respectful thing for her to do is to tell you she is leaving , instead of just disappearing like she is doing. Because if you disappeared on her without telling her that you are leaving , she will be concerned as well. I know this for a fact , because I have done it to a handful of my ex girlfriends’ that pulled the same shit your wife is pulling on you. So unfortunately it becomes a double standard , which most females’ tend to do , Basically it’s ok for her to do things but not ok for You to do the same. So my advice to you is do the same thing to her and see what her reaction is , If she doesn’t call you when you are gone to see where you are , then there might be something going on that she isn’t telling you , but if she calls you and asks where you are , then just straight out tell her , so it’s ok for you to leave without telling me where you are Going , but not ok for me to leave without telling you where I am going? So how does that make sense? And then say I’m at the store or wherever you went lol. Give her a taste of her own medicine , if she loves you , she will more than likely stop doing it. Or the both of you have a sit down conversation and agree to no longer keep tabs on each other period. When I stopped giving a fuck about where my partner was going , it actually made her more turned on that it didn’t bother me , because all I did was the same thing she was doing to me and turned the table around to make her to jealous insecure person instead , That’s how you know a girl is really into you when she gets jealous and insecure over you

[Malemajor]

Oh, really?
Last week (Friday) she said she is going to movies with a female common friend. She came after 6 hrs with a chicken nugget box and some soda. She and her feminist friend never eat such food after movies, so I asked "whom did you go to dinner with". Since she already gave her alibi she did not expect that variation if the question focused not on movie, but the dinner part. Her response? "Like you would tell me"
1) she simply would have said "what do you think" or "who else " in her non chalant way. But since she needed time to fabricate the lie she had to use irrelevant reversal.
2) it's irrelevant because I always tell my kid exactly where I was going and for what and with whom if it's anything like dinner or movie.

Today I got back from dog park at 7:15 and she's gone. When I asked my kid ge said dinner. I asked him with whom, he said she didn't tell.

Now it's 11:17 and still not home. I won't evem ask, because 1) she comes prepared with a false alibi that is always so weak and makes my suspicion more obvious. Like how she came back the next day with abrupt loving lap hug and showed the picture with her friend at movie theater in her red polka dress. Only problem, it's the only time she showed a picture out of no where.

It's an insult to our intelligence. Who knows when that photo was taken?

Guys, don't ask, find it your selves. If you think like them it's not that hard. Nothing is accidental when it comes to women. Every thing is strategically planned.

If anyone needs help in navigating this deciet and drama, message me. I can listen and give suggestions that give you closure. I mean look at how this guys woman made him think, telling a dog is a valid alibi to trust her.

Give me a break!

[Malemajor]

It's an epitome of *gaslighting*. And the resentful feminists here who call these painful stories as bollocks are the same ones who convince these disloyal women that there is nothing wrong in their behavior!
After they mastered the skill perhaps! Why else would they act so hostile when they face any truth revealing their true nature and tag team to post disrespectful and dehumanizing opinions and mock any genuine effort communication by talking im third person about us right under the post.

Such a SHAME!

[Finchie40]

Yea she definitely sounds like she is up to no good , Me personally wouldn’t tolerate that shit whatsoever , her shit would be out on the front lawn

[Chazmatazz269]

I don’t know what’s normal for you and your wife. It does seem strange to me that, at your age, you should have to ask and that she would be upset by your asking.
For younger women, i expect it’s common. Feminist propaganda has invaded every aspect of our culture. Women think a man who wants to know where his wife is must be abusively controlling. Interestingly enough, the reverse is not held to the same standard. If you’re not checking in with her every seventeen minutes with a full download of where you are, who you’re with and what you’re doing, then you have commitment issues. Men don’t own women, but women definitely own men.
If i were in your situation, i’d be perplexed and offended.
Again, you know your wife and i don’t. Is she just absent minded? Her failure to check in isn’t necessarily nefarious. I’ve done the thing where i have a conversation with someone in my head, and go about my life as though i actually had the conversation. Then we’re both confused when they don’t know something i thought i told them because i only thought i told them. Ell oh ell!
If it happens occasionally, whatever. If it happens frequently, maybe there’s a bigger issue afoot.
I’m glad you were able to square this situation up and i hope it’s not a bigger issue that you’ll have to contend with again.

[OlderAndWiser]

I think it is quite normal to ask, but some women will turn this on you and claim that you are controlling.

I don't leave my office at the same time every day, so I call my wife every day to tell her when I am leaving and when I expect to be home. I tell her if I have any stops to make before coming home. If I have an activity that will take me away from home, I tell her in advance and I tell her when I expect to be back home. I have been the victim of cheating twice in previous relationships and she has been a victim once, so I don't mind reporting because it gives her some comfort. And I love knowing that she cares.

[Malemajor]

Better not to even fall into the marriage scam! Fool me once

[OlderAndWiser]

@Malemajor It's not marriage that failed you; it was the woman to whom you were married.

[jennifer_bloom]

A lot of dating coaches tell women that if they hide their plans from the men in their lives the men will appreciate them more, I do not know if your wife would bother listening to a coach like that since she is already married but maybe she heard something from a friend who listens to them. One person I know put a direct quote from a dating book onto her Facebook account so I know she gets advice from that book.

[Anonymous]

I’ve always grown up in a family where my mom or dad said where they were going. I’m not trying to sound like a misogynist or something like that, like I’m controlling, but I’d appreciate it yes if my loved ones told me. I wouldn’t be as upset or mad about it if my dad didn’t say where he was going simply because he’s a man. I worry more so about the women in my family. Yes I still have the courtesy of telling my wife or daughters where I’m going. But I hope that makes sense. Not to mention, you’re 58 so I’m assuming she’s about as old as you, maybe older. So that would give me even more of a reason to want to know where she’s at. Especially if she has medical conditions, she’s unstable, maybe a fall risk or she has some other health issue. I’m the same w my wife, she’s 7 years older than me but she has a few things going on medically. It’s good to know as well in case they don’t show up where they said they were going or don’t come home when they said they’d be home. At least you have a reference point as to where to start looking in case something did happen.

[OneViewpoint]

Yeah that's weird behavior. And her reaction to "where ya goin", seems defensive like she's trying to hide something and feels "caught" when you ask.

I never just get up and walk out without a word. Whether it was my kids or my wife when I was married. It's just sort of normal casual conversation. Hey I'm going to Home Depot, want anything down that way while I'm out? Or, I'm gonna go help Dave take down a couple of trees, be back in a couple of hours.

Just standing up and walking out without a word is fucking weird.

[BonzoInBitburg]

My ex-wife was like that. She used to always tell me when she left and asked if I needed anything. Turned out there was a reason she didn't tell me when she left and where she was going. It is common curtesy to say something and it takes no extra effort to say you're going out.

[aaron13547]

No that's not normal your suppose to matter enough that she wants to tell you bye. That she wants to be around you more then the neighbors or the grocery store. The not normal thing here is she is upset you want to be loved by the person you married. The problem here is she is upset for herself here not she hurt you by just leaving seemingly without it mattering to you. Ask her if it's matter to her if the person she loved most just randomly disappeared for the "neighbors" instead of her...

[sage2021]

So... what... we no longer say "See ya later" to the people in the house when we are leaving? No kiss good-bye either?
I don't think 🤔 that's right to just leave and not tell the people we live with that we are going out.
It seems she might be on social media and they probably say ignorant things like "You're don't have to report to him your comings and goings". They make up new rules everyday and then it spreads like wildfire. Crazy!!

[Iron_Man]

No thats not right you’re a married couple have her tailed. It doesn’t hurt to try and see what she’s up to. How would she like it if you left at 3 o’clock in the morning and just told her well I felt like going for a drive on a Saturday night and I didn’t wanna wake you up. How would she like it.

[Purpleronnie]

I would say that’s perfectly normal. My advice would be to ask her why she thinks it upsets her that you want to know?
But play it by her , maybe ask yourself if you really need to know as it need not be an issue.


Good luck 👍🍀

[Anonymous]

because she sees that as controlling (i'm not saying that it is controlling, this is just what i think). i think it would be more controlling of you to ask her where she goes, with who, when she's going, when she's back and what she is doing. but you're not. has she always had trouble with independence and communication?

[Cormac995]

You're in the right she's in the wrong it's that simple. It's not hard to say goodbye before you walk out the door in fact it should be the bare minimum.

[Caroline91]

It is common courtesy. It also makes sense from a safety standpoint. Kind of sounds like a little power struggle.

[msc545]

Let it Go. Women often get angry these days when they are held to account for even the smallest things. Women think they can do anything they want and that they owe nothing to anyone. I suggest you start doing the same thing that she's doing. Just walk out of the house whenever you feel like it. Don't say goodbye to her and if she complains about it later tell her what's good for her is good for you.

[msc545]

She is probably going out and not telling you where because she knows you would object to it. This is called "having her cake and eating it too".

Women feel entitled to this, but it is forbidden to men.

If you were ever to find out she had been cheating, she would explain that she was entitled to it as you did not provide her everything she wanted.

[molonski2]

Out of respect of course she should inform you as to where she will be going..
Frankly it's quite offensive if she questions that.

[Ask105]

Probably should have found these things out in the dating stage just ask why do you get mad when i ask you

[XXTruthfulOgrexx]

No, its called respect for her spouse. Usually this means she is doing something at some point she doesn't want you to know about.

[ArrowheadSW]

It is reasonable for you to want to know when she leaves the house. I wonder what upsets her about you asking.

[slatyb]

It is common courtesy to tell your partner where you are going and when they expect to return. So no, this is not normal. Other than that, how are things between you?

[DeeDeeDeVour]

That's not normal.

Why should she get upset?

[purplepoppy]

Confused, doesn't everyone sat something when they leave the house?

[Greek_goddess_Iris]

That behavior sounds dodgy. Being that defensive about where you go is not normal. How does she dress when she goes out?

[Blackcat1952]

You are absolutely one hundred 💯 times right just out of respect. She should be telling you . All my life I was raised that way. When I was little.
Even my mother always said she's just going right next door it's just a point of letting somebody know . The few girlfriends that had not many years ago I would say if you're Going Out. Just tell me didn't care where

[Nikki1989]

It really depends on how you ask her.

[exitseven]

Maybe put s cow bell around her neck and that way you can hear her walking around the house.

[queenofcardio]

Maybe its how you asked. Communication can be so helpful.

[dustybiker2]

It was normal before cell phones. Now you can just text her, no?

[LiamS95]

It' very normsl to let family know you're going out and away from the house.

[austinbooth]

I believe it is. You asking her that might make her feel controlled.

[tzdc21]

That's got red flag written all over it.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she is preparing some sort of surprise for you?

[Twalli]

Can you reach her by phone easily when she is out?

[AviatorTom]

@Twalli Sometimes. She sometimes leaves her phone behind if she's just visiting a neighbor. If she's going shopping, she takes her phone but she doesn't always answer it.

[Twalli]

That's a problem. Id you can't reach her, for all you know she could be dead in a ditch. Tell her it just is for your piece of mind to know where she is.

[Chazmatazz269]

It’s funny how commonly people refer to someone being “dead in a ditch” as a bad case scenario when they can’t be reached. I don’t even think that many people die in ditches outside of war zone foxholes. Ell oh ell!

[Twalli]

@Chazmatazz269 Most streets in my area have ditches on the side. So, if you crashed and spun off the road you'd end in a ditch. Likewise, if you were mortally wounded near one of them, gravity would take you down. I'm not saying that someone is killed and dumped in a ditch. Just that you'd be hurt and due to the law of gravity, you'd end up there.

[Sultanaa]

The situation has some complexity.

[Panthero80]

It doesn't seem that unreasonable.

[Ariesman81]

Sounds like someone did some training