Avoid heartbreak?

[Anonymous]

I am too old for the BROKEN HEART SYNDROM. Just wanna talk... I don't expect good advices.

I met a man. On our first date, he took the initiative and we exchanged more than just kisses. It was quick and brief.

We met again. It was nice outside. But in between, there was still no communication.

We never delved deeply into each other's private lives. He never asked to be part of my everyday life, and since he seemed busy, I didn't bother him and wanted to give him space. I thought that if he really liked me, he would keep in touch more.

Once, after we met and spend the night in a hotel, the man said that I should find someone who lives closer to me and who is younger (there is a 10-year age difference between us). It hurt terribly. I wrote to him, but he didn't reply. He contacted me a week or two later. When he asked, I told him honestly that I had been on dates. He was angry and asked if I couldn't have waited.

That happened once or twice more. The man said it wasn't working out. Once he said he would let me go. I said I regretted that but respected him and his decision. That I wouldn't try to persuade him. He said that if I met him, I couldn't date other men. So now we're exclusive, which I think is a good thing for now.

However, we only ever met near him and in a hotel that he paid for. I was alone overnight because he went home for personal reasons. The last time, I expressed my wish for him to stay overnight. He stayed.

However, he recently said that we only meet occasionally. I'm sad—I'm trying to make the most of the good times. Of course, he pays for the hotel, and I drive a long way to get there, which means I have to pay not only for gas but also for the entire cost of the vehicle, including tires and maintenance, which is based on mileage. I'm not trying to do math here, I'm just saying that it's not “free” for me, that I also have to invest. I don't want to give the impression that I let him pay for everything.

And life is precious to both of us.

[DonaldDarko]

Just delve into what human sexuality actually is. Look at it in the cold light of day. It evolved for reproduction alone. That's why there is so much cheating and other problems. Women want a man to protect, provide and help them climb the social hierarchy. Now, compare that to what friends want from each other. Friends just like each other naturally. Looks don't matter, status doesn't matter only that they like each other. Sex and reproduction are ulterior motives that will always contaminate human sexuality. It will never be anything but a job that's how it evolved and how it works. Lovers will never be able to trust each other because of this. Best to toss the whole thing aside and just live your life, you'll get nothing from these relationships but a chaotic and destructive witches brew of pleasure and pain that will wear you down and suck the life out of you.

[Asker]

Thank you for this really detailed post.

>> Women want a man to protect, provide and help them climb the social hierarchy.

He once asked me what I thought men were for. I had never thought about it before. Of course, I would like to have a family in the traditional sense, married and living together through sunshine and rain. People are so different these days that I've never had a fixed idea about it. He is the man who always goes down in the hierarchy and the woman goes up in a marriage. Nowadays, I would say that there are many other examples as well. That depends on the two people who meet. Some have very strict roles. The woman takes care of the household and the family, and later slowly starts working a few hours a day when the children are older or have left home. Some return to full-time work after one or two years. Some have multiple jobs because they are single parents. Some have support from family, or the time and upbringing of the children is shared. Each week, the child lives with the other parent 24/7. This is only possible if they live close to each other. Sometimes the father also takes care of the baby at first, but that is very rare. And the woman goes to work. I had a boss who earned more than her boyfriend, but he also had a very well-paid job at a pharmaceutical company that grew big with the coronavirus vaccine. The difference between her salary and his salary has decreased. That's why I think this image of the man as protector and breadwinner is very rare in its original form. In some couples, certain tasks are shared, with one partner taking on the bulk of the work.

[Asker]

Part 2

However, the other partner helps out, whether it's cooking or gardening. Until now, I've mostly had men who weren't interested enough in me. Sometimes they had their orgasm and that was it. Some asked me out of politeness if I wanted to orgasm first—phrased differently, of course—so pleasure was never a priority for me. I've also lived without sex for years because I was foolishly loyal and waited for a man who promised me he needed more time before he was ready for me. The fact that I now occasionally engage in sexual activity in the hope of meeting a man who will also care for me in bed, only to realize immediately afterward that he is not interested in me, is something that has only been happening for the past year. I simply do not understand the signs. Generally speaking, I am not interested in meeting someone and then spending the night with them right away. I need time and trust to let myself go and enjoy it. That's why sex has had little to do with pleasure for me so far. I don't really know how to be or become “good in bed.” What exercises at the gym or at home alone help improve fitness? I get out of breath quickly. For me, sex is more like school sports—you have to get through it whether you're fit or not.

Humans are not meant to go through life alone.

[DonaldDarko]

It isn't a phenomenon of the intellect but of instinct. This is something very old and deeply ingrained into human nature. It can not be changed. Human sexuality only works one way. None of this is from the conscious mind. It's from deep down, the primitive reptile part of the brain.

[dudeinohio]

Never too old for that

[AI Opinion]

I'm here to sprinkle some relationship wisdom on you! 🌟 It sounds like you've been lovebombed into a whirlwind connection, and these mixed signals are classic. Exclusive, yet not really? 🚩 Your intuition feels off, and it's crucial to listen. Openness and respect should be mutual, and if one party isn't genuinely invested, it might be worth exploring connections where you feel valued. Don't let these red flags dull your shine. Your heart deserves someone who's genuinely all in! 💖

[Asker]

He once said that he couldn't trust me as a woman. Because I—remember, we were never in a committed relationship—didn't tell him that I was dating other men. Since he showed no visible interest and I was advised not to wait (as I had done all those years with other men), I started seeing other men. It's private, and if you're not in a relationship, I don't see the point in talking about it with others and possibly hurting them. He has very good people skills.

We see each other less than once a month, I guess, and have known each other for maybe 10 months.

He doesn't answer every question about his private life, and I don't press him. There must be reasons why he doesn't answer some questions. He is divorced. I believe him when he says he is not in a committed relationship.

I haven't made a decision yet. I'm afraid to ask what will happen to us next. What significance I have, because he is the man I've always been looking for.

In my life, I haven't achieved everything right away and have often struggled. I know that he has other demands. I believe that he may be giving me time to develop.

There was a brief period when I think he didn't want to see me anymore. But he said he would check in regularly to see how I was doing. Emotionally, it's a roller coaster ride.

I wonder how I can tell that it would be better to break off contact before I hurt myself by seeing him again and knowing that I am not important to him.

Since I promised him that I wouldn't meet up with any other men, I have kept that promise. However, I don't see us developing any further. He hasn't asked about it yet either.

[Asker]

Before we became exclusive (at least, I said so—I don't think he ever answered whether he was seeing other women), I met other men once after he left the hotel. I went to the bar to get something to drink for the room. Non-alcoholic. And because it was still early in the evening, I joined two men who were playing a board game. We played two rounds. I went to my room, and the two of them went to their rooms. We didn't even exchange names. The next time he asked me what I had done that evening. I told him, and he asked if I had had sex with them or with one of them. I told him the truth, that we hadn't had sex. I don't want to interpret, but of course I do. I don't know if he's giving me time or if I'm just a stopgap. Why does he bother asking if I mean anything to him? Or why doesn't it grow if I mean more to him than just sex? He fascinates me and he enchants me.

So how does a tactician think? His way of thinking is not mine, so simply NEUTRAL opinions. Please be kind. Everything that is done with feelings should be treated with consideration and respect, not trampled on. Thank you.

[Staximus]

Why are you worried about tires? You're not driving 10,000 miles one way. Find a guy that lives near you if you're so cheap that you are thinking about tires. This guy is just using you for sex.

[Asker]

I have to budget my money carefully. Last month, I had to take out a short-term loan for gas until my paycheck arrived. I don't beg others for money. This month, everything is fine again.

The man said he could also meet younger women and women who live closer. So why me?

[Staximus]

Maybe it's time to look for a better paying job

[Asker]

Although I have completed vocational training and earn very well for this training, the training is not highly regarded. I can manage without financial assistance. However, it is not sufficient for much more.

[seeyounexttuesday]

You’re a fuck toy for him.

[Asker]

Why don't he want me to get to know others?

[Anonymous]

I guess you need a better boyfriend...

[Asker]

Nowadays, it's no longer easy to find someone who is seriously interested. Society moves so fast—dating apps contribute to this because they suggest that there could be someone better just two clicks away. I wish I would find a good man with values.

[Opinion Owner]

Indeed, you are right. I also can't find the right girl.