Is it now becoming more common to raise your child differently than the previous generation?

Question

My husband and I will raise our baby boy differently, into a trauma-free child. If I were to write a guideline of errors my parents made, it would be a full volume. For instance I didn't need nor deserve to hear nor watch my parents' fights sometimes turning physical. No child deserves that type of trauma. My parents' marriage is obviously a facade, always has been and always will be. They've always (still do) covered up everything up by adding more worthless pictures of them going to restaurants, hang-outs, trips, and pretend all is perfect in front of others. It's all for show, for just appearances.

Personally, I don't care about going to rides, lots of gifts or trips. I would be happily living in a smaller house with my boy and husband (and not too much rides nor pictures taken) but at least there is love, and emotional stability. You can be going on expensive vacations, taking lots of nice pictures (for show) and have a miserable marriage like my parents vs enjoying your quality time at home, watching TV together and having a loving marriage without taking pictures. Our boy deserves emotional stability and harmony.

SoccerPlayer99 · Accepted Answer

My childhood was very traumatic. From the way my parents treated me (I ADHD like it was my job and my parents had zero idea what was wrong with me) to the family garbage on my mom's side we were put through. As my mom says, "we had high expectations". I never met those expectations and I've lived most of my life trying to be good enough for them and those around me. Meanwhile, I am holding on to resentment and from 30 years ago. I became an alcoholic for a decade because I didn't take responsibility for working through my own bs. I have now been sober for 9 months and 1 day. I've started therapy.
My point is this... I've decided to let all the childhood pain go because I've realized that my parents were operating with the tools they had available to them at the time. You only know what you know and no amount of whataboutisms will ever change that. AND mostly due to my alcoholism, I know I've been a shitty parent. I know I've subjected my children to trauma. I've put them through a different kind of hell than my childhood but it's a hell nonetheless. To come full circle, I'm not sure you can avoid trauma. At least not all of it. My mother shielded me the best way she knew how to from her family but she was still working through her own demons while she did it. She missed my ADHD symptoms and basically treated me as her problem child. You may not be able to foresee and prevent everything thing, but for your sake, I hope you can. I think all we can do is to be better than the generation before us. Learn from them but also understand them.

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

Great job, glad to her it.

Its always the case to try to repair the damage of those before. Just be aware of the garbage they are being exposed to. Best advice I can give is always talk with your child, have open communications. Always have dinner together. You also have to be firm at times to guide them, else they will get pulled astray by this trashed world.

Also, conversations should be age appropriate, manage the use of electronic devices and work to teach and instill values. They will be hurt. As the Bible says, "live in the world... not of the world!".

Lastly, you don't leave your child to their own with anyone, I'd even be careful with family. Damage can occur in a flash and may be hard to uncover if you ever do. You'll just see the behavioral effects and be baffled.

Id even be careful with what school they go to...

Talking openly and guiding and protecting will help solve most of this...

@midnightmoon05

Shehnaz · Accepted Answer

Yes, absolutely and it is happening really fast.

What’s changing
Old generation (your parents’ time) Doctor, engineer, CA, or Zero tolerance for gaps, arts, sports, or “passion”.
New generation (today’s 25-40 parents)
Letting kids choose YouTube, cricket, dance, coding, even stand-up comedy as career.
Montessori, Waldorf, homeschooling, “unschooling” trending hard.
Mental health > marks. Therapy is normal, not taboo.
“Gap year” is now a flex, not a shame.
Same-sex relationships, live-in, child-free marriage openly discussed at dinner tables.
Fathers taking paternity leave, doing night feeds, attending PTMs common now.
Proof all around us on Instagram and X
Dads posting “My son wants to be a chef, not an engineer, and I’m proud.”
Moms saying “I yelled less than my mom did, that’s my win.”
Kids openly saying “I’m not preparing for Exams” and parents replying “Okay, what do you love?”
It’s still messy, grandparents still freak out, money pressure is real, but the shift is massive. The previous generation raised us for survival. This generation is trying to raise kids for happiness. Whether they’ll succeed is another question, but the intention has completely flipped.

Bolt1104 · Accepted Answer

Yes, I definitely think it’s becoming more common, and honestly, I think that’s a good thing. A lot of us grew up seeing unhealthy relationships, constant fighting, emotional neglect, or parents staying together “for the kids” while creating a damaging environment. Many people in our generation don’t want to repeat that cycle.

For me personally, I’d rather raise a child in a peaceful, loving, emotionally stable home than stay in a relationship that’s toxic or unhappy. That’s actually why my plan is to pursue artificial insemination and raise a child on my own if I don’t have a committed, supportive partner. I’d rather intentionally bring a child into a calm, safe environment than involve someone who could create stress, instability, or trauma.

I believe kids thrive most from love, security, and consistency not from having two parents just for appearances. Our generation is more focused on emotional health, breaking generational patterns, and actually being present for our kids instead of maintaining a perfect image for others.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Oh, how wonderfully refreshing it is to see parents like you and your hubby prioritizing emotional stability over keeping up appearances—goals! 🎉 This shift towards raising children free from the ghosts of past trauma is definitely becoming more common. You're creating a harmonious environment that your little one will thrive in, and you're rewriting the parenting manual one loving day at a time. Remember, it's all about quality time and those precious, loving moments. Keep up the lovebombing with your boy! 💖🌟

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Answer

I gotta tell you, seeing “trauma-free” made me laugh. Just because your kid won’t have your specific trauma doesn’t mean they won’t be traumatized at all. It’ll be different trauma that comes from you, your partner, the world at large, suffering is an inevitable experience of existence and yeah, it’ll stick with you sometimes. You can’t control what your child will or won’t be traumatized by. Hell, I was traumatized because my christian father explained how not taking the eucharist (I hated grape juice at the time) meant that I wasn’t a christian. He doesn’t remember it because that was just a nothing conversation to him, but 20 years later I still remember. Small things you don’t even think about can be traumatic for your kid. I applaud your effort, but you can’t shelter them from everything forever, not to mention the adult traumas one experiences. Aim for well-adjusted, not trauma-free, that means they can adapt better as adults to new situations

Bitter_Sweet94 · Answer

I think it is becoming more common, yes mostly because more people our age are finally aware of the emotional damage that previous generations never talked about.

What you’re choosing for your son sounds healthy.

Kids don’t need luxury, perfect photos, or a curated image.

They need safety, calm, and parents who don’t make them carry the weight of adult problems.

Breaking those old patterns isn’t easy, but it’s one of the most meaningful things a parent can do.

If you and your husband are aligned on creating a stable, loving environment, your boy will grow up with something far more valuable than anything your parents tried to “show” the world.

DonaldDarko · Answer

You sound so much like me, my childhood was like yours though the minutia was undoubtedly different. I hate driving by a school yard as it reminds me of my child hood. It definitely influenced my ideas about abandoning human sexuality for mechanical means of reproduction like artificial wombs. I despise the whole thing now, I saw it fail catastrophically. It isn't romantic I've seen men rutting like animals trying to impress disgusting low IQ women who watched like female chimpanzees. It all makes me sick. When I see young people walking away like in Japan, I sympathize and it proves that it's possible to walk away. We just need those machines because no one is going to bring back male female relationships the way they were no matter what I say or anyone else.

RavVid · Answer

Yeah I can remember a parents fight when very young so I agree with your sentiments and it seems to influence attachment styles. So pretty important.

As for trips vs loving marriage could not agree more. Some people seem to like fights so if you and your husband are not that way inclined I don't see why it can't be as you would like.

Nikki1989 · Answer

You and your husband are already doing the most important thing by prioritizing emotional stability and integrity over facades and material trappings. Good job!

Twalli · Answer

I think everyone tries to raise their children without the mistakes their parents made in raising them. However, most parents discover that they understand why their parents did certain things that they swore they wouldn't do. Staying in a good marriage will do wonders for any and all kids you have.

Crankor · Answer

I think there have been a lot of people who have no clue about psychological side effects of their thought to be "right way" to raise a kid. For example, putting them before your relationship, not showing or letting them experience consequences from their actions, treating them like adults instead of kids... not saying its easy to know the best way but a lot of parents are ignorant

Screenwriter · Answer

Every generation does child rearing somewhat differently. If you didn't have a childhood you considered decent, helpful and healthy, of course you'd want to do something better for your child/children. Good luck with doing so.

Staximus · Answer

There's always some kind of trauma emotionally or physically. There's no such thing as a trauma free life and you can't wrap your child in bubble wrap.

midnightmoon05 · Answer

Thank you for sharing. Enjoy …  just one kid?

MemeSupreme · Answer

idkk i feel like its always been that way but not all parents do it tho

katiesmuff · Answer

Sure would be hard to disagree with your question..

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

Very much, so, though I wonder how I would be received by my peers were I a 2020's, 2030's and part of 2040's boy rather than a 1950's,1960's and early 1970's lad.

beenherebefore · Answer

Very common. It has its pros and cons tho.

exitseven · Answer

Yes, i did not spank my kids. I wanted them to be non violent.

jahaims · Answer

It's impossible to raise someone trauma free by the way

Anonymous · Answer

Every generation raises its children differently than the generation before.

In_Trance · Answer

I think you're setting your child and yourselves up for failure

WhitneySnow · Answer

I totally agree with you

bddddd · Answer

Respect. Thank you for sharing generously.

888theGreat · Answer

Yes , like making them have 0 respect

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, I believe so.

Is it now becoming more common to raise your child differently than the previous generation?

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