When your partner vents about a problem, do you instinctively try to solve it, or just listen and empathize? And what do you prefer for yourself?

[HawkPerception]

[MicahRaine]

Instinctively I listen and just talk through the problem. Not necessarily trying to solve the problem, but just trying to understand what the problem itself is and how it is affecting my partner.

Personally I prefer it when my partner listens and empathizes. I'm decently intelligent and function well under stress generally, so I usually prefer to just solve the problem myself. That said, having someone I love just believe in me and cheer me on is the greatest gift I could ask for when I'm looking for solutions.

[HawkPerception]

I missed your answers man. Always good detail and well thought out

[MicahRaine]

Thanks man

[Purpleronnie]

Well , it depends…
When I listen , sometimes there is a lot of the use of “feelings” , I feel this , and he / she made me feel this.. and while I can emphasize I’m also intelligent enough to understand that feelings are not always based on what happened , but ones “perception” and how one “deals” with a situation. Those ones tend to get my support understanding , and general coaching / cheerleading. While based on situations I have actual experience of I will offer my take or lend my experience

[DishLady]

Depends on the problem. Some things i know i can’t solve even if I love the person dearly. And sometimes the person isn’t asking so they can get help, they’re just venting. I know the same applies to folks I speak with. Sometimes they can help and sometimes they can’t. It’s just a matter of who they are and what the problem is.

[VioletHaze]

It really depends on the situation. I prefer someone who solves problems, so I am prone to give solutions. But I am always careful to observe what the person needs. Sometimes a person is not receptive to solutions and needs you to simply acknowledge how bad the situation is.

[HawkPerception]

Funny thing is, I don't like advice from partners. I prefer they listen in almost every scenario. And I'm definitely more on the problem solving side. My first instinct is always to get advice. I've been trying to hold back on that in the past because my partners sometimes have not liked me giving the advice.

[VioletHaze]

I think solutions are not welcomed when one is under emotional duress (need to vent or regulate rather than add mental load by offering solutions) or if the person knows the solution themselves, but finds the solution annoying or hard to execute.

[HawkPerception]

Accurate. This video is a good depiction of it.

https://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg?si=j-6NduSxmn84KZd9

[PeachyPie93]

I try to listen and empathize and I prefer the person to empathize with me. Not try to solve the problem because when they do it just seems like they are parenting me or blaming me for the situation and not understanding where I'm coming from in most cases.

[Crimsyjo]

I'm a bit of a problem solver so I try be useful with solutions!

Sometimes a solution is direct (do x to fix) but sometimes solution is about changing or fixing the person's mood. For instance if they had a shit day at work, there might not be a fix to things that went wrong. So the solution is making the person feel less stressed or worried or upset.

[RavVid]

I'm a guy so I try to solve it and then tell her what to do.

The likelihood of her conforming to instructions is correlated to the seriousness of the situation. So it is actually a good test of how serious it is too her.

[HawkPerception]

Same here man lol

[queenofcardio]

I actively listen. Sometimes people just want to vent and have someone validate their feelings. I'd want my partner to just listen and not try to fix it unless I ask for help..

[beenherebefore]

It depends on the case, sometimes I just listen.

[HawkPerception]

And what do you prefer your partner does?

[beenherebefore]

I prefer when he gives me his input.

[HawkPerception]

You sound very feminine based on your answers.

[beenherebefore]

Is that a compliment or a complaint? LOL