Do you speak for yourself when discussing likes/interests or do you often base your opinion around what your partner wants?

Question

I notice in a lot of the opinions on my posts, a lot of guys dont really speak for themselves. It always starts or ends with “whatever the girl likes...”  I mean yea, make it about us, sure. We like that kinda thing but what about what you like?  You have to be happy too. To all the men and women, please dont say seeing your partner happy is enough to make you happy. I mean yea, maybe temporarily.  But a lot of people cheat because they lack self control and can't actually live with the thought of settling for someone who does not make them entirely happy as well. Love can only go so far.  And I think one of the biggest mistakes is when the guy or girl thinks they can later change/ease someone into liking what they like.  Even i had that horrible mindset many years ago. You’re setting yourself up for failure. You should state your likes early on and just leave the person behind if your must-have is a turn off for them. I’m pretty set in my ways and others may be as well . So yea, long story short, you can let the person you’re attracted to have their way if you want, but at least speak your piece too so that they know where you stand. Don’t just feed into some bullshit that you’re not into. This goes for sexual desires/compatibility and nonsexual interests as well. #FeelFreeToList #TheYesMan

ChrisMaster69 · Accepted Answer

There is a good bit of give and take, also on here it’s a bit one dimensional.

I have specific interests and likes that I do not expect any partner to like, if they do then it’s a bonus, if not then it’s just something you accept and work around.

An example of give and take is if going out for a meal, I will eat pretty much anything and will leave it to whatever girl I am with to choose a restaurant, I will only comment if it’s not that good or if I know a better Italian say.

On sexual side of things, the communication is critical, especially when you have kinks, are in to BDSM. Here you actively discuss likes, dislikes, limits, boundaries, fantasies, specific kinks.

Here is the critical point as a Dom, you find out what she likes, what she gets off on, what puts her in to sub space, it’s not about the Dom it is 99% about the sub. A lot of people outside the scene do not understand that.

For me sex in a BDSM context is very much about what she wants, actually it’s needs and desires.

The emotional side of communication is really important and often means no words are required.

She may not be in to shooting, be a petrolhead, like PC games, I won’t be concerned, however she needs to accept that I am.

The rest is very much a give and take, it’s a relationship, a partnership where both have an equal voice - Communication is the most important part for me…

TheSpaceGnome · Accepted Answer

I speak for myself, but it's best to get a girl who wants the same things. This is why people who are mentally different shouldn't date/marry eachother.

Lliam · Answer

Yeah, I agree with you. I mean I'm flexible and I'm considerate, but I'm good as saying what I want.

Sometimes my wife frustrates me by not saying what she wants. I always thought it was more of a girl thing to defer to the man. For example. She says "Do you feel like going out to eat?" I say, "Sure. What did you have in mind?" She asks "What do you feel like?" I sigh and say, "I don't care," and repeat "what did you have in mind." She repeats sweetly "What do you feel like." Then when I start naming places, she rejects them until I name one she wants. It's frustrating because she could have just said that in the beginning. LOL

When driving, she would say "Are you hungry?" A clueless guy might take her question literally and answer "No." But what she really meant was that she was hungry and wanted to stop. I call that "girl talk". Guys are pretty literal. But girls ask questions in order to get guys to find the right answers. I think it makes girls feel cared for.

Also, there is the cliche where a guy says "Jim asked if I wanted to go play a round of golf. Is that alright?" She gives a disgusted look and says "Fine" or "Do what you want" instead of saying that she had hoped to do something together that day. She could have said that, but instead, he has to read her body language and ask more questions. That's how guys have the feeling that they are supposed to read women's minds.
Women should realize that guys are too dumb to read their minds. LOL

The moral of the story is, just say what you mean. Be honest about what you want. But also, you don't always have to go along with someone's wishes. Don't be a door mat. Communication allows you to negotiate and hopefully find a win/win.

VarddaanKaushikk · Answer

I speak for myself always. If you ask me what my interests are , I'm not going to take notes from what my partner's interests are. Yes , we are dating but we're not giving up our individual personality. I like a certain music and I'm still going to like it even if my partner doesn't enjoy it. I like Navels , but I'm not going to stop liking them , yeah will maybe stop acting on it if my girl isn't enjoying it , but I can still like navels. Everything I like is always going to stay the same , nothing changes unless I get bored or I just don't find it that interesting anymore. It has nothing to do with what my partner likes or dislikes..

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I do speak up for myself. I don't like horror movies. At all. And I am opinionated when it comes to music. And I won't allow wasteful spending. Other than that, nothing is really that important!

If you're talking about sex, this is a common misconception that people have. They think that everyone is particular about sex. But it's just not true! Some of us aren't!! As long as I get to see some titties and get my dick played with, I'm good! Everything else is just icing on the cake. Seriously. I can be happy no matter what we do. (As long as it doesn't involve butt stuff. Butt stuff is gross. Haha)

NathanDavis · Answer

I want to hang out with you for more than just two hours...

MTC29 · Answer

I don't lie to anyone: I hate dancing. Even before I broke my ankle in a motorcycle accident, I hated dancing. I don't like small dogs. Cats are fine, but no more than one. Kids? Unless they are adult children, forget about it. I do not like small children.

Despite these limitations, finding women in the fifties is amazingly easy. Guys, if you can't score in your thirties, just hold out for ten more years and the whole world will change!

Anpu23 · Answer

I pick my battles. Some things are just not worth the effort. She handles day to day finances and the house is pretty much hers to do what she wants with. My office/study is mine and I handle long term investments. It's all about whete you compromise.

kellytheman · Answer

Yeah I kinda was that way when I was younger not speaking for myself or being a yes man trying to make her happy and act like I am interested in what she likes and I don't. I kinda of changed though now I mostly have speak my mind and tell the girl what I want and like and dislikes and if we can't compromise or she doesn't want it that way I might just say hey it don't work out.

Guy13 · Answer

It’s way easier to participate in what she likes with a smile and “I love you” “getting laid tonight” EYES. For every action there is an equal but opposite reaction.
Happy my 🚼 … Why else do you think we do that 💩.

Anonymous · Answer

It depends, sometimes, I don't really have strong feelings for something one way or the other. Sometimes I care, but I know someone I like about cares about it more than I do.

But if it's something I really give a shit about. Y'all can go to hell I'm doing me.

RobT312 · Answer

You have to speak for yourself.
sure sometimes they’re are compromises or disagreements but being truthful to likes/dislikes is key... ya want to be with someone that you are compatible with at least most of the time

HighlyVolatile · Answer

Always for myself! Also if I'm on a date with a girl and I get bored, I'll tell her: "I'm bored of this place, let's bounce!" I'm actually a bit selfish like that. But I figure if the girl doesn't like what I want, then we're not compatible.

Harleigh90 · Answer

Equally discussing, turn ons, kinks, fantasies, boundaries/limits etc. Increase the desire with connection. Communication is the most important part for me.

skyeee_ · Answer

(i dont date but just saying in general)
im not afraid to be clear with what i like or dont like. if they dont accept me for that, ill just accept and move on. there will be peeps who will have the same interests as me.

RedStiletto88 · Answer

I speak for myself but I also include his interests and preferences. I wouldn’t be a good partner if it was just always about me.

Valso · Answer

It depends on how the question was asked. If I'm asked what I like, I'll speak for myself only. But if it's more like "Let's discuss this and that about us", then I'll do my best to include her/his wishes into account.

Godsvengeance · Answer

For me, it's both. I want nothing more than the girl to have multiple orgasms and have made a girl blackout from pleasure (no drugs or alcohol involved), but I've never done anything I was against doing in order to achieve that

AndrésC64 · Answer

I haven't really thought about it. I think my answers are based on what I want. But I also do think that taking into account the other person's wants is important. But in general, I think I speak for myself.

PAcc92 · Answer

Pandering to someone is a perfect way to ensure they never care about you because they never get to know you. Also it makes you seem pathetic and weak.

AdithyaR · Answer

I speak for myself. I can't pretend to like something for others. I will make an effort to try it if the person is dear to me but I can't fake it if I don't like it.

exitseven · Answer

I have been married for 26 years. What do you think?

Do you speak for yourself when discussing likes/interests or do you often base your opinion around what your partner wants?

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