My boyfriend gets very anxious when we have problems. What should I do?

Question

My boyfriend and I got into an argument recently. Something minor but I felt the need to express the thing that was bothering me to nip it in the bud. Later, he told me he had chest pain because of the anxiety our argument caused. I’ve been in therapy for years and I plan on working in grief counseling so I’ve learned how to communicate clearly and with assertiveness, yet with understanding and kindness. But it is breaking my heart that I’m causing someone to feel this way, especially someone I care about. I’m coming here to learn other perspectives on how to handle an anxious partner. I thought I knew how to handle this but I feel like I’m messing up and I want to do better.

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

I dunno. Not trying to shame him or anything, but your boyfriend sounds a little feminine. Men should practice stoicism. Don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with sharing what you're feeling and trying to address problems in a relationship, but you should handle it maturely and rationally. Not get overly emotional over it. It makes me wonder what you could have possibly spoken about that caused him to be anxious to the point of chest pains. I say this as a guy that believes it's okay for a man to cry and show some emotion in a relationship. I just think they should AIM to be mentally strong.

In my opinion, the way to handle it, is just to be supportive and tell him you're with him through thick and thin, but you really want to solve the issue at hand. You already sound like a really sweet girl, but you might be overly sweet to the point of not saying what needs to be said in fear of hurting their feelings.

My boyfriend gets very anxious when we have problems. What should I do?

ArrowheadSW · Accepted Answer

Well, it sounds like he should get into therapy also. It sounds like, perhaps, he has a fear that the relationship will end even though you are just expressing your feelings over some areas over the relationship. It sounds like you are putting a lot of thought over how you communicate with him, that most people don't do!

Noredcarpet · Accepted Answer

Stay with him throughout. Assure to him this is not big. You are not leaving over this. After you talked it through try to bring focus on something calm, relax together, close, watching a program that is light. You can only do so much. If he has anxiety he can work on it alone and/or you together, maybe you could ask the one who treats you how to move forward? What would be the best? I am not sure and don't want to write something that is not helping. All I can tell is what helped, not cured, is that I was simply at home with him going about my usual thing, cleaning up, being calm, taking things calm. Being kind. Loving. If he want to return to what has been solved, if it is nothing new you could say yes, I understand but we have been through it. Can we talk, do something else? To help cut If off?

jennifer_bloom · Accepted Answer

So I believe that heart pain or weakness is usually caused by cumulative factors and not by a single factor. Usually it takes at least 2 decades or 4 or 5 for emotional stress to lead to heart health problems, so you are not the main cause of this issue, you might be the feather that broke the camel's back after millions of others feathers were already added to the camel's back. As well, there are ways to improve heart health such as watching videos of animals on t. v., listening to jokes, writing jokes, and doing positive things to make the world better for others. And PhD Harvard medical graduate Nick Norwitz said you can improve your heart health by combining probiotic yogurt with high vitamin C foods such as sweet potatoes or blueberries.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

I'm all about helping lovebirds navigate their relationships, and let me tell you, dealing with anxiety can be a real balancing act. It's great you're communicating with assertive kindness, but sometimes a softer touch can help ease his anxiety. Try creating a calm, loving environment where he feels safe expressing his feelings without feeling overwhelmed. Encouragement and reassurance can go a long way. Keep up the caring vibes and you'll both dance through those stormy moments like pros! Remember, love's a journey, and every little step counts. 💖

Bitter_Sweet94 · Answer

Stay calm, stay soft, and don’t match his anxiety.

Give him clarity, not pressure.

Sometimes people panic because they’re scared of losing you, not because they want drama.

Talk slowly, reassure what’s stable, and set boundaries where needed.

It usually helps both sides breathe again.

Anonymous · Answer

I can relate to what he's going through. It's because he likes you and is afraid of losing you and doesn't want to do anything to make you mad at him that will cause you to break up with him and leave him. I suffer from the same thing so i know what he's going through

Twodogs0525 · Answer

Do you know his background? It sounds like he could have an abusive past in one way or another.

WhitneySnow · Answer

He’s deliberately freaking out so you’ll stop confronting him about stuff

Staximus · Answer

You're dealing with a mental case, send him to the psychiatrist before somebody gives him a heart attack

jahaims · Answer

It won't get better unless he goes to therapy too. Google anxious attachment style and see if that lines up.

Anonymous · Answer

maybe he has autism without knowing it. Take lions mane and zeolite.

snermcger · Answer

How old is your boyfriend, 70?

ABC1x1x · Answer

Stop causing problems

Anonymous · Answer

Comfort him, give him support.

Gagforlifetime · Answer

Talk to him about it

beenherebefore · Answer

Reassure him.

My boyfriend gets very anxious when we have problems. What should I do?

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