How can you tell the difference between being truly in love with someone or being in love with the idea of them?

Question

sawno · Accepted Answer

You may have to specify it more precisely for me to follow. So ill do that part and hope I get it right.
Truly in love with someone is the obvious one, but the in love of the idea with them isn't. Do you mean that you imagine them a certain way and then are in love with the illusion?

Because the way I do it is just simply not imagine things that person hasn't done yet. And most importantly, I don't give them credit anymore where they don't deserve it. I had a girl I was dating many years ago who I found a really sweet girl and I loved sweet girls. The reality was that she wasn't an overly sweet girl, she was just normal and helped a friend once. That's the kind of delusion that makes you love blind where you seek excuses to love them, for example because she's pretty. I stopped doing that, and it then took me years to fall for someone again until I eventually met my ex, as a result with her it was extremely real.

So how do I tell the difference? I avoid the issue to begin with by only paying attention to them and not how they make me feel or what reasons I can come up with. And then if who they are truly lines up with what I love, that's when I know and can let the feelings run wild safely. Feelings always come and go for me even for those I deeply love, and during the phases where the feeling is mute I then can still truly love her for who she is, and when that is there the feeling always comes back very quickly.

Still-alive · Accepted Answer

When you're actually listening to the things they are saying and not talking past them about what you want them to be. you accept them faults and all and don't pressure him into changing who he is just for you.

sage2021 · Accepted Answer

Well, what I did after being around Patrick for a few months, I wrote down a list of what I love about him. These were my observations and things that he showed me about himself already.

The list had 65 things on it. None of them were about the future or what I thought he could be - they were things he had already shown me about himself.

When I read that list again recently (because it's in my memory box of him), I still agree 👍🏼 💯 that everything on the list was why I loved him so much already.

Some people think 🤔 that they love someone, when in fact they are in love of the ideal of what he could be like in the future with you. That isn't real love, it's fantasy love, but not realistic. You dream about what kind of husband, father, etc., how he would love you, but none of it is in the here and now.

I'm so glad that I made that list and while I was making it, I didn't even have to stop and think about what else should I put on the list. Everything just came pouring out of my heart and onto the paper.📜

I think that this may be one way of finding out the difference.

MemeSupreme · Accepted Answer

i feel like its when the rose tinted glasses phase is over, yet you still can't see yourself walking away

like you wanna breakup at times, but the idea of letting them go makes you not do it. like its totally acceptance of each other even if shit annoys you about them

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Helping people untangle their love lives is my jam 💖! Being truly in love feels like home – comfort, growth, and acceptance despite flaws. The idea of someone often sounds like love-bombing perfection, more about fantasy than reality. If you're only captivated by their potential or an idealized version, it might be the idea you're in love with. Real love is messy yet beautiful, and honestly, recognizing that difference is your personal relationship glow-up 😎!

OlderAndWiser · Answer

When you think about your love, do you first think about what they do for you, or what you do for them?

aaron13547 · Answer

For me true love is unconditional. We think love is when someone does what we want and makes us happy. We trust to keep doing it and when they dont the love doesn't feel good anymore... it doesn't feel like love all of a sudden, thats a problem... But we are still attached to them and addicted to the happy they gave us...

Real love is unconditional is how your parents tell you no to candy and make you eat healthy so you can understand right from wrong and why its important. Real love doesn't always feel good but it doesn't just go away or change... its unconditional there is no attachment. Having it always makes you into more not less. thats how I tell the different.

exitseven · Answer

It is sometimes confusing. You can get caught up in alll the physical sensations that can easily get you all turned around.  I think if your feelings border on an obsession it really is not love.

Noredcarpet · Answer

When u been with that someone long enough you know them or know them more and so then you know you love them. You can not keep an image of someone 4 ever, the first in love period won't last, no brain can keep this up. With time you know.

Nikki1989 · Answer

It is how you respond to their flaws, how you handle reality, and how you feel when the fantasy fades.  Plus, if you have ever been truly in love, you just know when it is real. The feeling is overwhelming.

Berethor · Answer

Well who care for love anyway? I believe that for me there is better path to power. :)

Alex_Bright · Answer

You are truly in love when you can see their shortcomings and be ok with it.  Also, it's a calm feeling. If there's anxiety or a rollercoaster of emotions, it's not true love.

KostasKouvalis · Answer

"being in love with the idea of them"? I don't know what that means

Anonymous · Answer

When you're alone who do you think about? When you're struggling whether physically or emotionally or mentally who do you think about? When the person you love turns 80 and can't wipe her ass anymore would you be willing to wipe and wash her ass? Can you see her having gray hair when she's 80? Do you picture yourself sitting next to her in a rocking chair when you're old? If you can that's how you know it's true love

WhitneySnow · Answer

If you love them despite all their flaws, you really love them

msc545 · Answer

I'm a guy who's been through this a few times. I just recognize those feelings of love as being a neurochemical event that feels really good and is very, very temporary. It also usually ends a big let down.

queenofcardio · Answer

When I start having unrealistic expectations about how things should be

dudeinohio · Answer

You love them when you get depressed when you are apart. You are attentive to them. The idea of love is wanting to feel part of a couple, not necessarily with them... just the basic concept.

Shiprex · Answer

If you keep the butterflies when you're actually with them

Anonymous · Answer

Not yet. Hopefully, I'll have an answer soon.

AngryCarl2 · Answer

If you've lived with them and you're still in love with them, that's true love.

qwerty2469 · Answer

If you sacrifice the idea for the reality. That's how you can tell

TwoDecisions · Answer

If you had ever been truly in love you'd know.

DryGermanGuy · Answer

I’m a guy, I don’t overthink. 😆

BCRanger10 · Answer

Whether you act on it or not.

Anonymous · Answer

Being in love involves emotions.

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe just the idea

Zionne · Answer

when your gut tells

How can you tell the difference between being truly in love with someone or being in love with the idea of them?

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