Do you know why you're drawn to your type? Have your type/taste ever changed, if so why?

[Noredcarpet]

As I'm way in deep with therapy, psycological, myself, I'll figure I ask you all, as it would be interesting to know.

As for me I have been drawn to guys who've been through some bad stuff which in one way has matured them and they came to have qualities to admire, but in another the ones I got serious with anyhows have had vulnerabilities, fights I couldn't fight for them if they were to reach the other side themselves. Strain on the relationships, leaving. Me not perfect either.

To me, before, they were not apparently the same type, they looked totally different for one thing. I was not aware before why I was the way I was and why in particular them.

As I'm hoping I'm on the last chapter by now I can state that my partner used to have "chaos girls" in his past. He said he made a delibertly choice when choosing me as he figured I was no "chaos girl" and he wanted to close that door behind him. But what do you know, the "chaos girls" would still reappear only now masked as friends til it couldn't be masked no more, and I believed in his innocence, and they got out of the picture. Only revently a new "chaos girl" has appeared and it's the same dance all over again.

He has one "chaos parent" and one "non chaos", but codependent. It's as if I to him represent the later (but by now I'm thinking I could be closing in, become "chaos girl" myself with all this nonsense).

I've told him I think there might be something about us that he find is too boring for him, as much as he says he don't want chaos, and if our connection is maybe better off or more as friends, if that is his trouble? If he miss chaos? If he made his choice before with his brain, not his heart when he chose me? (He says no, I love you, etc).

It takes a strain. I am the boring one having to give critique as he is struggling mentally. No fun.

We've pretty much discovered our type, taste been with the parent who was or got dysfunctional (for me my dad), instead of the parent that was way less so.

[Master_Debator]

Hell yeah it changed. This goes for people in general, but I'll stick to my choices in girls. Things I would've overlooked in my teens to early 20's is now simply so reprehensible that I identify it early and reject it before anything gets started.

For instance, one of my first long term girlfriends might of been so hawt that every dude was jealous of me, but I learned she was a shit show. Always threatening to kill herself, manipulative, and not very smart/intelligent. That fucker used to wake at night and watch me sleep like some sort of psycho. Eventually I became jaded to her ways and it didn't matter how hawt she was, I wasn't going to be around for long. That one ended with her talking me into slapping her during sex and then she tried to use that, (as me abusing her) against me as a threat to make me do what she wants. Lessons were learned and I moved on.

After her was the business/status chick... I would've been an overworking slave of a man if I stayed with her. She cared way too much about financial stuff and I guess she saught me out because I'm not exactly poor... but that's not my fucking life. After that the attention whore that tries to justify being an E-girl that doesn't even get paid for it... that one ran until she was even trying to convince me that talking dirty with other dudes is normal... lessons learned and I moved on. Each modified my future choices.

I would never accept any of that shit at this point... not even long enough to have sex. Even my casual side chicks need to have some sort of dignity in comparison. Anyways...

Humans avoid pain and seek pleasure. What's insanely pleasing to the eye is not always fun to spend a day with. So when one of my bros is like "You stopped talking to that chick, she was so fucking hawt, why?" I simply understand that he doesn't understand... he would if he got the chance to spend a day with her. Shit shows.

I also want to mention the chicks that will take you down a dark road. Substance abusing chicks, sex addicted ones, I sort of mentioned the attention whore ones... They'll lead you down their path. Like for a while I didn't really want a relationship so I stuck to whores and cheating taken women... Eventually they'll turn you into something like them so don't stick around long. That's my advice. You are the company you keep, get rid of them if you don't even really like them.

[MrChinaski]

What a nice and splendidly difficult question. I can't possibly do it justice.

I'm not going to discuss a hypothetical type but maybe draw together common characteristics of people I have loved.

- Independent minded, don't let others tell them what to do

- Open to others ideas, but always keen to mock me for a joke and point out when I'm being an ass

- Caring. People that genuinely want to improve the wellbeing of others, Ideally demonstrated by things they actually do... volunteer work, commitment to family in times of needs, choice of career path

- Strong work ethic, broadly defined. Not necessarily hours spent at the office. But a commitment to pursue goals they hold in their lives.

- Honesty among everything, with themselves and with me. I don't play games and greatly disrespect those that do.

- Have broad interests in the world and can sustain conversations and challenge my ideas across a range of areas.

- A degree of humility. Open to the idea that they may hold wrong beliefs or make wrong arguments and at least open to testing them and discarding them where worthwhile.

- Not hideously unattractive physically.

A lot else is up for grabs: religiosity, political beliefs, particular neurotic features (oh come on, we all show them sometimes), the particularities of their life goals, etc.

Sorry, OP, that's all a level of insight lower than your own insight about your situation. It's not really an issue of invested much work in understanding better before.

[DishLady]

Yeah, I know. I have a physiological type that makes me feel safe, but I need that "type" to include mindfulness/empathy, not just the provider/protector thing I like.

No, my type hasn't changed. I've had the same type since college.

[Nikki1989]

Stimulating conversations about the things we love.

[serious]

Well, yes I have my type. I have standards both in terms or physical beauty and personality aspects. Both are important and I won't ignore one for the other.

No, my standards and my type has not changed. It will never change irrespective of the consequences and outcome.

[queenofcardio]

I'm attracted to my type because it's familiar and comfortable to me. It can be easier to date someone with similar interests

[Anonymous]

I don't really have a type.