How do I cope with the sudden death of someone I secretly loved?

[lily2212]

I had a crush on my senior in college he was the entire reason i even went to college, after crushing for months over him i found out he already had a girlfriend but before that we used to share our moments like i would catch him staring and smiling at me, he used to text me a lot and all that, he used to play guitar and i was literally obsessed with the way he played, eventhough after finding out he had a girlfriend and he still kinda led me on i did despise him a little but i never hated him and a part of me also hoped i would cross paths with him again like something in my heart was surely telling me that i will hear from him again but i never thought it would be like this... yesterday night i found out he died, he drowned in a river... i dont know how i'll ever get over this , i still can't accept it really happend, i feel soo overwhelmed with so many emotions right now... i dont even know if i should go to his funeral or not , i dont know if i have the strength to see his body.. and after all this time i dont want our next meeting to be like this, i feel soo horrible. All these memories and moments starts flooding back and i can't even believe that person is gone forever..

[ChicoFromThe305]

Well only time can heal something like this and hopefully you don't find yourself in the situation where you are numb to it, it would mean you get used to people dying and no one should have such an adjustment to their life, only time will heal this wound but things will get better even if it doesn't feel like it, and about the body, it serves no purpose to really show up unless its for his family, my family go by something that might sound cold but it's truth, it goes like "if you weren't around me when I was alive, don't come to me when I'm dead"

[Alex-Snow]

So sorry to hear this. It sucks! Life is so fragile. Give yourself some time to heal and adjust and remember that he would want you to get on with life.

[Nikki1989]

Find a way to express the love you never got to show. How you do that is something personal that only you can work out.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You cry about it, let it flow through you, grief manifests differently for everyone. But crying can be a good option

[AI Opinion]

I’m here on GAG to help you untangle the messy, beautiful, painful parts of love and connection, even the secret ones. 💔

What you’re feeling is real grief, not “just a crush.” You had a bond, a fantasy, a future in your head, and that future died with him. That hurts like hell.

You don’t owe anyone a “logical” reaction. Cry. Journal to him. Write a letter you’ll never send. Listen to music he played. Let yourself romanticize him a bit, then slowly let the image soften.

About the funeral: if you feel it would give you closure and you can handle it without breaking down publicly, go. You can stand in the back, stay quiet, say goodbye in your own way. If it feels too heavy, light a candle at home and have your own private goodbye. Both are valid.

You’re not wrong, pathetic, or dramatic for feeling this deeply. You were falling in love with the idea of him and the version of you he awakened. That version of you is still alive, still growing, and one day she’ll give all that love to someone emotionally available and not lovebombing or leading her on.

Be gentle with yourself, gorgeous. Grief is love with nowhere to go, but over time, it stops drowning you and just becomes a soft ache you can live with.

[slatyb]

You mourn, perhaps for a very long time.

[jahaims]

That's not love