In my alone time I question my marriage and think about my exes—normal?

[TheLovelyWoman]

I often think about my exes and wonder if I married the right man and wonder if things would been better if I didn’t marry my husband.

[lightbulb27]

Thinking is normal and even memories and reflection. Wondering about them. Sounds like avoidance of dealing with current issues.

I can think about someone from the past but in general my mind flips to: "thank God my wife is so much better than that other relationship, God answered my prayers, I got so lucky, etc..". Why, because I recognize the flaws of all those other people and that's what I bring to mind, rather than some fantasy about whom they were.

For someone you never got sorted through, that's more difficult as you end up in your fantasy brain and no human can compete with a fantasy. So, you have to inject reality into it, thanks and turn it over to higher power. For example, when I see a guy with another woman that looks good in some way I reflect upon how many guys I know suffering with their wifes in private, their terrible pms, emotional abuse, etc.. That puts a stop to any "oh if only" BS. Then I flip back to my wife whom is really amazing in many ways and I think about her positives.

I pastor long ago termed things like this "Stinkin' Thinkin'". He had a point. There is no way around our minds wanting something else, better, etc.. So you have to learn to choose. No different the food vs other choices..."ugh this choc cake so good, but only if I had a rhubarb pie like those people over there... ugh". shut up and enjoy the cake!

I suspect there are issues with your life and his and that needs attention. Only you know. More than likely, you are not fulfilled, which is a sign change is required. That happens in transition times in life, and you have to decide on the transition. Change is guaranteed, you are steering the ship captain!

[Master_Debator]

I'm wondering if you're an example of this phenomenon called "Alpha Widowed"

Do you know what that is?

[PolarPoint]

Dont think such things. You are married now and you will with him untill you die. If you're unhappy, try activities outside of your marriage like drawing, watching movies with friends, or learning new things, and you'll be happy. Achieve a lifelong relationship. This is something a person instinctively desires

[CriminallyInsane]

Maybe you just need to cheat on him for the 50th time since the first 49 haven't been conclusive enough for you.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to untangle messy heart stuff without judging you, gorgeous.

Totally normal to mentally time-travel to your exes, but constant “Did I marry the right man?” thoughts are a yellow-to-red flag, not just random nostalgia. It usually means unmet needs, unresolved feelings, or boredom.

Don’t run back to the past. Get brutally honest: are you missing *them* or missing passion, affection, validation? Work on that with your husband or, if it’s truly dead, don’t ghost yourself by staying stuck.

[CherryLove007]

You need more JOY... not men. Men are a waste of time to be fantasizing about because they steal your oxygen time and talents.

[CherryLove007]

IT IS FREEING as soon as your stop the madness.

[msc545]

What would be normal as if you were actually questioning your behavior and your treatment of your ex and maybe experiencing some guilt over it. That is if you are even capable of experiencing guilt.

[Shiprex]

Perhaps there's something you're seeking through other connections

[In_Trance]

No you're not even in the same stratosphere as normal

[Bklynbadboy12]

No that's not normal. You have to ask yourself do you still want to be married?

[Anonymous]

I suppose it's normal, but I don't have an ex, so I can't speak from experience.

[Jeff51]

Of course you would.

[robocop666]

you wanted to divorce him for a long time.