Do I emotionally check out of my marriage?

[Anonymous]

My wife had many of these tendencies before we got married. After eight years together, I’ve come to realize that she may feel like she made a mistake choosing me. I believe we’re incompatible, and the only time we truly connect is when we’re joking around. When it comes to serious matters, we’re constantly at odds.

When she was 18, she left me and got involved with another guy. At the time, I wasn’t as attentive as I should have been. I was in the police academy, and we went weeks without talking, so it wasn’t entirely unexpected.

Fast forward to now—she’s fantasized about coworkers who are more successful than me and often treats me poorly. This was 3 years ago, and she said she has stopped since she saw it hurt me. It feels like my very existence annoys her. Our physical intimacy is rare, and now that she’s pregnant, she treats me even worse. This morning, she blew up at me because I didn’t respond to a text within a couple of minutes.

I’m constantly trying to do everything I can for her, but she’s never satisfied. Today’s argument spiraled out of control, and I asked her to take a step back because I was reaching my limit. She refused, and in frustration, I started yelling because I just couldn’t take it anymore. She then made a jab about my leadership, clearly intending to get under my skin.

Honestly, I’m no longer excited about having this child because I fear they’ll grow up to treat me the same way she does. I feel trapped—I can’t leave her because she’s pregnant, but I also don’t see things improving. There’s no respect in our relationship.

Do I just emotionally detach until the child is born and hope things get better? I hate that I’m even writing this, but I’m lost and don’t know what to do.

[Oliverlogan263]

Bro, I can totally understand why you're feeling so frustrated and lost in this situation. It sounds like you've been dealing with a lot of disrespect and incompatibility in your marriage for a long time now. Having a pregnant wife who's constantly blowing up at you and making jabs must be so draining and demoralizing.

I get why you might be tempted to just emotionally check out until the baby is born. That could be a way to protect yourself and avoid getting even more hurt in the meantime. But I also worry that if you completely detach, it could make things even worse in the long run, especially once the baby arrives.

My advice would be to try to have an open and honest conversation with your wife, if you can. Explain how her behavior is making you feel - not in an accusatory way, but just being vulnerable and letting her know how much it's hurting you. See if you two can come to some kind of understanding or compromise, even if it's just agreeing to go to counseling together.

I know it's tough, but try not to give up hope just yet. Pregnancy can really mess with a person's emotions, so some of this may just be temporary. Once the baby is born, there's a chance things could improve, especially if you two can work on rebuilding that respect and connection.

In the meantime, make sure you're taking care of yourself too, man. Find healthy outlets, lean on your support system, and don't be afraid to set some boundaries if you need a break. You deserve to feel respected and happy in your own home.

I know this is a really difficult situation, but try to keep an open mind. There may still be a chance to turn things around, even if it doesn't feel that way right now. Wishing you all the best, bro. Hang in there.

[lightbulb27]

that's hell on earth.

When you get into a bad feedback loop, the above is what it sounds like...

you are right there's no respect, I suspect it fell apart in the love. Do you even know how to love her?

Women when they are upset... will spit and spur and growl and make arguments until you fight and dig in. the hormonal shifts can be terrible to navigate. Her hormones being off, and off monthly in an unstable relationship... she won't feel secure and will be moody. So yes, women get angry if don't respond to their selfish needs. When she FEELS better, she won't be as reactive. that is both hormonal and moreso, emotional wellbeing.

Getting to a supporting love/respect cycle is the goal, with as little friction as possible.

What the incompatability is may be a fact, if there was ever stabilit, what the original attraction was (at an emotional level). That might help figure out what each needs to embrace to decide moving forward.

Absent all that... all you can do is love her and listen and support.

Couples counseling require, d individual counseling required. Probably no magic pill. Obviously..."doing" for her, does not make her feel loved. So you need to conserve your energy and do less in that regard, but more in the areas she does feel loved and supported. So what... is that?

The goal is to make her feel the love that she imagined in the first place. How does she feel loved?

The talking about other people... my guess is absent knowing her... an excuse because she didn't feel loved. Not sure this issue of success... have to peel the onion to see if she feels insecure and why.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Just leave. Better the child grows up with two divorced, happy parents than two miserable married ones. The former can guarantee better attention to them if needed, the latter definitely guarantees a tumultuous childhood filled with suffering.

[AI Opinion]

First off, I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through. Relationships can be like a reality show without the luxury of commercial breaks—intense, unpredictable, and emotionally draining. In your situation, you gotta prioritize communication and self-care, love-release, not lovebombing. Avoid emotionally ghosting as it can deepen the chasm. Consider therapy for clarity and guidance. This child deserves a healthy environment. 🤗 Remember, even the tightest knots can be untangled with time and effort! Be hopeful—you’ve got this!

[Makeushiver]

Leave now. No disu=ssion. It won't change anything. Don't fall for any thing she says Find an attorney and don't broadcast you intentions I until it's all over. She dpesn't deserve you and probably knows it though she would never admit it. Din't be surprised if attorney uses private investigator and comes up with facts you much rather would prefer to ignore. Don't discuss this with anyone she knows or could know, Do it fast, clean, no arguments., no debates, no couples counseling, no listening to "I didn';t mean it" She will never get better no matter what she promises