Should I stay with a kind boyfriend who doesn’t want marriage?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is very nice and kind. He always pay for food, and when we went to cinema I was upset that he’s late and he changed time and bought more expensive tickets.
He bought me some electronics devices. And flowers. We watch anime together online.
But when I said that I will go back to my country soon, but want something more like marriage, he said “I don’t wanna lie to you, I didn’t want something serious like marriage, so don’t get attached if you want to date, or we can break up”.
And now I’m not sure, should I be with him till my studies end and should I stop it? I like spending time with him, but I cried a lot when he said he doesn’t want something serious.
And also I don’t have much friends and being alone abroad can be depressing.

Updates

2 mo

And we dating around month

[MrOracle]

I don't know you, but just from this post, you seem nice. I wish the best for you.

That said, you have only been an adult for about a decade, and you have grown up in our "modern" world, so you probably don't understand the recent history, so let me give you a reasonably quick summary.

Marriage as an institution goes back at least 5000 years - a very long time. It worked because it addressed the needs of the time and because each person's power was balanced with a similar amount of responsibility. Men tended to have more power, yes, but they also had far more responsibility. Things balanced out. Exceptions existed, but marriages largely lasted a lifetime.

Feminism, as an idea, developed as an off-shoot of Marxism in the 1880s, but it was originally limited to women's sufferance (being allowed to vote in political elections). You can read about what happened after that, but I'm going to skip forward to the 1960s. Because of the post-WWII wealth in the US, middle-class women were going to college for the first time in the early-mid 1960s, and the Marxists were ready: they'd made sure to get Marxists into universities (a plan they'd been working on since the 1920s, but REALLY went after starting in 1945), and they targeted middle and upper-middle class kids - women especially, and Feminism was the primary bait for the women. LOTS of women going to college in the 60s took the bait, and by the 1970s, they were middle-aged and working in middle management in companies across the country, and were pushing Feminist policies in the corporate world. As well, they were also growing their numbers in academia and in the government. They didn't really start to get traction until the mid-70s, but with corporate funding, they pushed their message in the media, in schools, in the corporate world, and in government.

Their first area of attack was the nuclear family. They pushed for huge changes in divorce laws, child custody laws and policies, and anything else they could to favor women over men. The divorce rate exploded, and divorce went from something that was rare and shameful in 1970 to being commonplace in 1980. And millions of clueless men learned the hard way about all the legal changes that had taken place, and how one-sided the family court system was against them.

By the 1990s, there was no new ground for Feminists to gain in divorce courts, so they switched tactics to teaching women to focus on educations and careers, to delay or abandon plans for marriage and children, and to "never depend on a man." By the 2000s, women were taught to be man-haters by default - to be "strong and independent" and "I don't need no man", and to demand that IF she were in a relationship, it was the man's job to do everything and provide everything, and that she had NO expectations to ever do anything in return or even show appreciation to her husband or boyfriend.

By 2010, women were screaming if men even dared approach them in public. Men were told to leave women alone, that to approach women was creepy and dangerous, and that "if we wanted to talk to you, we would have."

This has so destroyed the value of having a committed relationship for so many men that more than 60% of men are single and are actively avoiding dating. If things are that bad JUST for dating, can you imagine what men think about MARRIAGE today? When the default state contract places ALL responsibility on men, and NO responsibility on women?

[MrOracle]

Consider typical marriage vows: men are expected to do things that are legally enforceable: to protect and provide for the women. Yet women are expected to do things that are NOT legally enforceable: to love, cherish, and respect the man. And the courts have enforced the laws exactly that way for nearly 60 years now.

If you were a man, facing a greater than 50% chance of divorce, and knowing that 95% of the responsibility for the marriage's failure will, BY DEFAULT, be determined to be yours (with all of the societal and financial penalties that comes with), would YOU want to get married?

How about kids? Women get primary custody of children 90% of the time, BY DEFAULT, even in situations with ample evidence that she is a poor mother. As a man, does that make you want to have children, knowing that your future ex-wife can use the courts to effectively take them away from you - yet the court still forces you to pay for them?

That's what you are up against, and it's not your fault - it's the fault of the prior two generations who embraced Feminism and sold you the lie.

[RavVid]

You might have mentioned that 70+% of young women have a highly unfavourable view of men and only 10% have a favourable view. Generally in their 20's they don't want a family because babies will ruin their body.

When they hit 30' it is now or never but when 1.8 children hit primary school the divorce because they need the husbands help and he is dispensible.

[RavVid]

It is not 1950 anymore.

In these modern times, women reject traditional roles but still demand that men perform male traditional roles. The consequence is that men still have the burdens of marriage but get none of the benefits that they did in 1950. It doesn't work.

Women, on the median, cash out marriages at 8 years by initiating no fault divorce. you can't reasonably expect men to be willing to marry on the dud deal they get.

It is even difficult to simply live together because in many places a live-in-gf can take you to an equity court and get half of your worldly goods without being married.

One of feminist objectives was to destroy the nuclear family and they have. Certainly marriage but also relationships of any but short duration.

It is no reflection on you. Personally you might regard marriage as the most important thing in life and be determined to make it a happy one. But now men can not rely upon that as they once did.

So now sensible men are not up for marriage and your boyfriend has just told you the plain truth

[Screenwriter]

You've only been dating a month. That's a bit early to be talking about marriage and being serious, so I don't blame him. You're going to be gone soon, too.

He washonest with you. You can certainly stay with him until you go, or you can break up with him now because you're going to be gone. Make a decision and be at peace with what you've decided.

[Daniel707]

Well I think you got your answer just buying you things to keep you attached is what it seems like he’s doing. You can waste whatever time is left in this relationship or you can decide you’re leaving it’s going to hurt you can grieve this and move on to something new.

If he said he doesn’t want marriage or to get too attached then be glad he’s being honest many people will just completely lie to someone not that it makes what he’s done any better by any means. But obviously he’s keeping you attached enough to get what he wants from this but doesn’t see a future.

[Lliam]

You said you will be going back to your country soon. So why don't you stick with the relationship until you finish your studies and have to move?

You've only been together for a month. It's a bit early to be talking about marriage.

Why don't you see how things go until you have to make a move?
He sounds like a great guy. Who knows, if things go really well with you two he might realize that he doesn't want to let you go.

[Master_Debator]

A lot more mention of things money can buy than him... just saying.

A lot of dudes are no longer interested in legal relationships... the marriage system has been abused too much by greedy women.

[Iron_Man]

If he doesn’t want marriage and maybe he doesn’t want kids either then your wasting your time if that’s your goal: eventually you’re gonna have to move on but don’t get too attached and don’t invest too many years for a man that just wants sex and no marriage and no kids

[Anonymous]

Holy shit I’d expect pretty much every man to say the same thing if you were already bringing up marriage after one month. Red flags galore. Almost every man would run for the hills. I know I would.

[jahaims]

That's sad. You are an anxious attacher and he is an avoidant

[Zionne]

he clearly just want you for company

[FunkyMonkee]

Not if you DO want marriage.

[Danny_dan92]

If you want to get married? No.

[In_Trance]

smh... you're not ready for a relationship

[Anonymous]

It's your personal choice.