Boyfriend says he doesn’t want marriage and critiques my weight—how do I respond?

Question

I have been dating my boyfriend from Ukraine while I’m studying in the US until December.

Overall, he is kind in many practical ways: he pays when we go out, sometimes sends me money when I ask, buys me things, and we spend time together watching anime online and in person.

Today I brought up marriage again. He has previously said he doesn’t want anything serious and just wants to date. During the conversation he said:
“Maybe if you had a job here and lost some weight, we could get married. You remember I said I like skinny girls.”

This comment really upset me, and I left the café. He didn’t follow me afterward.

I’m trying to understand how to interpret this kind of statement in a relationship. How would you approach a partner after something like this, and is there a healthy way to address comments about body expectations and future commitment differences?

Wodens_Apprentice · Accepted Answer

How about this for a take, listen up women

If you expect your man to be a Prince Charming

Then you should act like a Princess. Not a brat, but a noble lady who takes care of her appearance but doesn't disguise it with the fakeries & masks.

When you judge what you like in men, you fit us into more judgmental categories & boxes then we do towards you. For us, it's based on if you can make the magic wand lift up or not and it shouldn't be too hard as men are very honest with what they like.

Have you ever been honest with what you like in men? Or are you afraid it makes you look like a slut?

I know you women hate it when men do things for you instead of just "naturally" doing them which you find more attractive, but men aren't as fickle as you on this. For us men it's based on your sexual vitality & cuteness alone.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

He was honest with you, and perhaps it felt unkind, but he gave you what most girls say they want. So, the question is. . . do you want to lose weight to be more appealing to him, or do you want to tell him to go fuck himself?

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

There is only one way to interpret it. He does not accept you as you are and is putting roadblocks to prevent a permanent relationship.

Listen to what he's saying: He does NOT want a serious relationship. He has been completely honest. And when someone says they don't accept you physically and situationally (lose weight, get job), they're simply making excuses.

I bet you aren't too fat to have sex with, are you? Dump this guy. He's incredibly insulting and isn't what you want: marriage and someone who takes you as you are.

IF you lost weight and had a job, he's find something else wrong with you to prevent marrying you. He's a dud.

HollyK21 · Accepted Answer

If I were you I’d respond by being done with the relationship. For one, there’s no future in it unless you are willing to accept that he doesn’t wanna get married, and sacrifice an important milestone. Two, I’m not sure why you’d want to be with someone who’s some comfortable openly degrading you. Respectfully the only way you should stay in something like this would be out of sheer desperation and low self worth.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

I’m here on GAG to help you stop wasting time on the wrong people and invest in the right love. 😉

Huge red flag, babe. He doesn’t want marriage, then dangles it like a prize if you lose weight and get a job there. That’s conditional “love” and low-key body shaming, not commitment.

You don’t “approach” him, you upgrade. Respect your body, your future, and your standards. This guy is a situationship, not a husband.

beenherebefore · Answer

I mean if he says he doesn't to get married you should believe him instead of hanging around waiting for him to change his mind because he might never change his mind about marriage so I'd take that as a hint that you should break up with him and move on.

Theunfadeable · Answer

I don’t know what kind of interpretation you’re looking for. This man is being extraordinarily direct about his intentions in his expectations. he made it clear he doesn’t want to get married and if he did, you wouldn’t qualify.
if this is the kind of relationship you want then you should probably better hit the gym. if you’re looking for a serious committed relationship, then this probably ain’t the man.

NoDecision · Answer

If he is going to criticize your weight, then you criticize his size. A tit for a tat so to speak.

Alexandrubaschet08 · Answer

Don't.
This kinde of guys are all over East Europe even in my country.
So if he is not happy with how you are now, there is no point to keep going.
With the job unfortunatly i agree, if he is not willing to have a house wife.
But with the way you look, then is a brakeing deal for me.

bowenw · Answer

He used up his three strikes in that one moment. First by saying you should have a job, second by saying you need to lose weight, and third by not following you. I suggest not responding and blocking.

Taurus_Woman · Answer

From the very beginning, he was honest with you. If you chose to continue with him, that was your decision. You cannot blame him.

MrChinaski · Answer

If you're a healthy weight, dump the guy. If you aren't, dump the guy and lose some weight.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Dump the loser, obviously. Don't waste your time on asshole men.

Anonymous · Answer

Its true eastern European women are in shape and work. he's done you a favour by not sugar coating it, your overweight and now you can deal with it.

lightbulb27 · Answer

I want marraige I'm working on it, shut up.

Vegasrunner · Answer

Think its obvious how you should respond. He gave you honesty which is what women claim they want. You should respond by changing for him if you want to keep him.

Anonymous · Answer

Dump him and leave? Like, you want one thing and he wants another. Nothing aligns, so…. Leave.

Anonymous · Answer

Critique the size of his penis and tell him -20lbs get him + half an inch

Staximus · Answer

If you’re asking a guy for money that you don’t live with then you’re a problem he doesn’t need, and he figured that out

LiamJHayden · Answer

If you want marriage and he doesn't, you respond by moving on.

Pohjolan · Answer

Well what's your BMI? Is his critique valid or just banal?

PinkSchmetterling · Answer

Ugh. East europian men are the worst

queenofcardio · Answer

I'd reconsider the relationship

Lauren-green · Answer

you respond by dumping him

SandandWaves · Answer

Does that sound like a friend?

WhitneySnow · Answer

You need to dump this guy. He’s terrible.

AgentG111 · Answer

Kick him to the curb.

Anonymous · Answer

That depends. How hawt is he?

Daniel707 · Answer

Leave

Bricealan · Answer

New boyfriend

Anonymous · Answer

Lose some weight sounds nice

Alex-Snow · Answer

Dump him

Boyfriend says he doesn’t want marriage and critiques my weight—how do I respond?

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