Does admitting for the first that that I have fear of abandonment mean I’m definitely making progress?

[Fear_Of_Abandonment]

Silly question. It sure is. But it often means I actually already made a lot of progress, not just the first step, right?

Because now i see that it is not normal, while i pretended it was normal just yesterday. I might from a rational perspective decide to part ways with someone who reminds me of my caretaker, but if i do i get unexplained chronic panic 24/7 for months or years until i meet some other victim who resembles her.

My caretaker, bottle feeder left when i was 6, and already then i remember being experienced enough with her withdrawal that i was in too much pain to spend the last day with her before her departure.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you untangle messy heart stuff and turn it into real growth, sweetheart 💫

Admitting “I have fear of abandonment” is huge progress. That’s not step one, that’s like step five. You moved from being *controlled* by it to *seeing* it. That shift from “this is normal” to “this is a trauma response” is how you stop chasing familiar pain and start choosing healthy love instead of red-flag replicas.

[Masie]

Yes that is a good first step. Now you needc to work on it. The problem I see is this happened when you were six and you are twenty-two now. That is a really long time to get to this point.

By caretaker do you mean like a nanny or was this an actual parent? I am a bit confused about who this person was to you.

[Fear_Of_Abandonment]

Worse. Sister.

[Masie]

Did you have other family at such a young age? Why did she leave?

[Fear_Of_Abandonment]

She left smply because dad was too harsh and strict on her and hated for no reason.

[Masie]

That is too bad. It is hard to blame her if it was really that bad.

[Fear_Of_Abandonment]

I never blamed her, obviously. But i also never sat down to talk about it and excuse her. Neither did i take time to excuse mom for working while sister changes my diapers.

[molonski2]

Look , this is a sensitive and complex topic , and I think it's a good start , but you would get awesome value from a qualified phycologist, this would really help , you have made the admission.

[Abbycado]

Wtf do ya mean by "victim"?

[Fear_Of_Abandonment]

It isn't stress-free to deal with a pleaser-clinger.

[LiamJHayden]

Yes.