Will a single mother choose her love partner or her kids if she can't have both?

[TonyMetal___1986]

For example: if a single mother found a very nice guy who truly loves her, takes good care of her and makes her happy, he was planning to marry her but her kid or kids didn't want him for no specific reason, the mother has to choose one, who will she choose and why?

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

Oh 100% for me it's gonna be my kids if I can choose only one per your question. I've seen your comments on other responses asking if it's fair to the guy, and no, it isn't but when you become a mother, the kids come above all else including ourselves.

Doesn't mean I can't have a talk with them and see why they don't like someone I would bring home, but if forced to pick between them, then the person I brought home would have to go.

[TonyMetal___1986]

Thanks miss Bri for your wonderful answer and yes i surely can understand what you mean and i appreciate that you have noticed the guy, because the majority were programmed directly to choose the kids and forgetting the main subject which is the guy, at least you have admitted that it's not fair for him...

For example i understand if the guy is bad or forced you to choose between him and your kids, but here it's a rare scenario were the guy is very nice, he loved her, took care of her and always stood there for her when she needed help and he tried to treat the kids as if they were his kids but they have refused him and when they knew that she's going to marry him, they told their mother that they don't want him...

It's just a scenario, but i'm curious to know how will a single mother act and think in this very rare scenario and after choosing her kids, will this man remain in her thoughts and feel sad about him and would still love him and care about him or it's over, a new day where he doesn't exists at all 🤷🏻‍♂️

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

Unfortunately part of being a parent is sacrificing a lot of yourself for your kids. It fundamentally changes you (well unless someone is one of those self absorbed parents).

Nobody wants to give up on a potentially great partner if they dont have to and hey, sometimes it ends up working out after a while. Kids in that situation often feel like the new person is there to replace a parent and it angers/scares them. Usually talking and therapy can help with that, but not always. Ideally you'd like to have both but if forced to choose, good parents will side with their kids and what's best for them

[TonyMetal___1986]

😊👍🏻

[choco-latte]

I think most women would choose their children, it would be very odd to find a woman who didn’t. And I just don’t think any man should trust one who would, because if she doesn’t care for her kids how would she care for or be loyal to him? She is not choosing a man, she is just choosing herself.

[TonyMetal___1986]

Well said miss choco i agree, but if you can see, everyone are focusing on who the mother will choose, but no one focused on the guy...

Like is it fair for the guy to be just dumped like that, only because her kids had refused him 🤷🏻‍♂️

[choco-latte]

Oh I had missed the part where it said that the kids didn’t like him, I thought it just said that he didn’t want to have the kids around. Well no, I don’t think it’s fair. And the woman should be firm with the kids and tell them to respect him like they respect anyone else and try to get them to know each other if she loved him. If she doesn’t do something like this, then I think he should move on because if she really cared she would try to find a balance between both.

[TonyMetal___1986]

Mho secured miss choco, very wise from you 😁👍🏻

[choco-latte]

Oh thanks in advance then 😇

[TonyMetal___1986]

You're welcome 😌

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to decode messy relationship dynamics… and this one is juicy.

A good mom will always choose her kids. Period. A partner is replaceable, her kids aren’t. If she sacrifices her kids’ emotional safety for romance, that’s a red flag on her, not them.

But… a healthy guy will be patient, build trust, and slowly win the kids over instead of making her “choose.”

[TonyMetal___1986]

🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️

[NathanDavis]

different people value different things... it's not like all of them will make the same choice

both situations (and many other too) can happen... it really depends on the person

why? because people, life and situations are never so simple...

[TonyMetal___1986]

Well said, if the right choice is choosing her kids, but what about the guy? Is it fair that she just dump him because her kids refused him 🤷🏻‍♂️

[NathanDavis]

I don't think it is about "fair or unfair"

we are not entitled to people... if things just don't work for either side, then that's just what it is...

it would be unfortunate, yes... but, just the same... if things in relationship and the current situation change to something that does not work for him... he could "dump her too"

[TonyMetal___1986]

👍🏻👍🏻

[Anonymous]

If she’s normal and a good mother she’ll choose her children. Most women would chose her children. There however are some women, usually they’re sociopaths, pscyhopaths, narcissists or are self-hating doormat people pleasers with zero self esteem and confidence, who would choose the man. The same goes for men. Any normal and good father would chose his children. Always.

[TonyMetal___1986]

I understand and i agree, but do you think that it's fair for the guy to be dumped like that, just because her kids didn't agree about him for no specific reason 🤷🏻‍♂️

[msc545]

I don't think there's an easy answer to this question. I'm tempted to provide you with the most cynical answer I can come up with, but somehow it seems inappropriate, so I won't. I'm being grateful for that because you probably realize how cynical I can be.

[TonyMetal___1986]

No problem, thanks for making time to explain why 🙂

[SunnyCaliGirl]

Unfortunately I know a single mother who chooses her dates over her children. And brings her dates home around her child when she barely knows her dates. It’s sad but never seen a mother like her till I met her.

[TonyMetal___1986]

She's a bad person and shouldn't be called a mother...

[exitseven]

Most would choose their kids but I sm sure that there are exceptions.

[TonyMetal___1986]

Thanks for sharing and i agree!

[sawno]

Kids always. You don't get between that loyalty and bond. You either accept that isn't your place to get between or you will not last as her partner.

[TonyMetal___1986]

Me? Hell i'm not talking about myself 🤦🏻‍♂️
I'm speaking in general...

Anyways, he won't last as her partner because she chose her kids 😂

[LazerBean]

It seems like if the single mother is into abusive men, then they tend to choose their abuser. But otherwise they tend to pick their children.

[TonyMetal___1986]

But where did you see that he's abusive?
He's going to lose in both scenarios, in case a woman chooses her abuser, he ain't abusing her so she will pick her kids and if she's normal than she's going to pick her kids, imagine that even an abuser has more luck then this good guy 😂😂

[LazerBean]

I answered your question, covering both men who fit your example and the many men who do not fit your example. Also notice I did not use absolute terms, because those are not always the case. So no the man does not always lose. Just as the woman does not always lose in the reverse scenario.

[TonyMetal___1986]

But did you hear what others have said? If a woman chooses the man over her kids than she's the worst selfish person who shouldn't even be a mother, plus the man have to worry that if she can dump her own kids then she can dump him easily 🤷🏻‍♂️

[LazerBean]

No I have not looked at what others have said. And I don't think that's always the case. Sometimes children have unjustified resentment towards what they see as their other parent's replacement. I've seen plenty of adult children who butted it into their parents new relationships simply because they were not wanting to share their parents attention and resources, and really should have been put in their place. On the other hand, I think many parents do neglect their children for their boyfriends and girlfriends. So I don't really like categorizing everyone the same.

[TonyMetal___1986]

Thanks for sharing 👍🏻

[_Jenny_]

The children are more important @TonyMetal___1986

[TonyMetal___1986]

But is it fair for the guy to be dumped just like that, only because the kids had refused him?

[_Jenny_]

@TonyMetal___1986 Absolutely 💯 agree with you it’s not fair for the man but that’s why divorce is so terrible.

[TonyMetal___1986]

I agree!
That's why i also don't believe in divorce, because i believe that everything can be fixed except for cheating!

[_Jenny_]

@TonyMetal___1986 lol and that’s why I don’t want to be married

[TonyMetal___1986]

Why so? You think that you're going to be cheated on or something else? 🙂

[TonyMetal___1986]

Why so, you think that you're going to be cheated on or something else? 🙂

[_Jenny_]

@TonyMetal___1986 not really, I just don’t think it’s the right time for me

[TonyMetal___1986]

It's now or never...😂

[Iron_Man]

They’re supposed to choose the kids

[TonyMetal___1986]

True, but is it fair for the guy to be just dumped like this for nothing, just because her kids refused him? 🤷🏻‍♂️

[Iron_Man]

No, of course not

[TonyMetal___1986]

👍🏻👍🏻

[Iron_Man]

👍..

[Iron_Man]

Maybe you can find a woman that doesn’t have any kids. I know it must be very tough in your country and at your age, but maybe it’s possible and you can start your own family as long as she’s not too old.

[TonyMetal___1986]

My friend the question isn't about me, it's a general question based on a question posted earlier here 😄

[Iron_Man]

Ok. I didn’t know. Sorry.

[TonyMetal___1986]

No worries 🙂

[Iron_Man]

Thank you

[TonyMetal___1986]

You're welcome

[RedInnocent69]

Mothers always choose their kids.

[TonyMetal___1986]

Right, but is it fair for the guy to be just dumped like that, because her kids refused him 🤔

[RedInnocent69]

You can change out the guy, but not the kids…

[TonyMetal___1986]

Still isn't fair for the guy...
Just because he can be replaced, he can be dumped...

[Anonymous]

Mother always chooses her kids.

[TonyMetal___1986]

Why in your opinion?

[Opinion Owner]

Because it's a natural instinct.

[TonyMetal___1986]

Returning to the basic animalistic behavior 😂

[Opinion Owner]

Exactly :-D

[RavVid]

The kids.

[TonyMetal___1986]

I forgot if it's you who posted a similar question and had influenced me to ask it again in my own version 😄

[RavVid]

Nah, it wasn't me

[TonyMetal___1986]

Oh ok 🤭

[WhitneySnow]

How old are the kids?

[TonyMetal___1986]

I don't know 😄
Let's say they are teenagers or adults 🤷🏻‍♂️
Does it matter how old they are?

[WhitneySnow]

Yes. I would cross examine my kids as to why they don’t like him. If they gave a reasonable articulable explanation that I agreed with, I would break things off with him. Otherwise I would tell them that mommy has to live her own life and go ahead with my plans.

[TonyMetal___1986]

Nice, you're being a logical person, you don't wanna hurt anyone, or treat someone unfair while he treated you fairly, plus since you care about your kids, you wanna have a chat with them to see why they have refused, maybe you'll be able to succeed and have both 🙂

I like this kind of thinking, where a woman says nooo i don't wanna hurt or leave this man who is like oxygen in my life, plus i cannot leave my children because i am a mom and they are a part of me and since my man and my kids are my family, i wanna have them all at all costs!

[DirtyOldMan777]

she should choose her kids.

[TonyMetal___1986]

Why? 🤷🏻‍♂️

[DirtyOldMan777]

what is to do? just kick the kids to the curb? and go with him?

[TonyMetal___1986]

Nope, i can understand if she choose her kids over him, but is it fair to hurt the guy and dump him for nothing just because her kids refused him 🤔