My husband might go to prison soon—should I wait or move on with my life?

Question

My husband is potentially headed to prison for a while and I’m not sure to wait on him or move on with my life. We been married more than 10 years with no kids together. I have given 110 percent in this marriage. I really wanted kids and it’s this time that we suppose to be trying.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

If your husband loved you , he wouldn’t ask you to wait for him , so you are best to move on and live your life the best way that you can , especially if you want to have kids’ , just because you love your husband , it doesn’t mean you have to stay with him , whatever he did to end up in jail is on himself , he clearly wasn’t thinking of you when he did the crime. Unfortunately he got busted and is now suffering the consequences of his actions , so the best thing for you to do is tell your husband the truth that you aren’t going to wait for him and tell him when he gets out of jail to not Come looking for you because you might be with someone else by that time , tell him if you are still single when he gets out , then you might come to him , but do not count on it considering a lot of things can happen while he is locked up , You are also best to file for divorce immediately before you meet someone else. Your husband will be sad , but it’s for the better. I once dated a girl that her boyfriend got put in jail for 20 years , because he was stealing cars and selling them , and he apparently had other charges on him as well. He told his girlfriend to wait for him and she said she isn’t going to wait for him , because , he is going to be in jail for a long time so she ended the relationship with him for good. when I met her , she told me he still has another 10 years and he has been sending her letters that she just throws away , she said wasn’t going to disrespect her relationship with me , which I thought was very sweet of her to do , so her and I ended up dating for a bit until she decided she wanted to move away and wanted me to come with her , but I declined her offer because I had my glob and family and friends’ that I didn’t want to leave. Her and I are still friends’ and she now lives in Miami Florida , her ex finally got out of jail and she said she isn’t contacting him whatsoever because she is now with someone she fell in love with. So you should do the same

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I would say it depends on what he did. For instance if a man shot another man defending his daughter then I’d think yes you wait. In this case you don’t have kids. I think most men would love their wives enough to say O don’t expect you to wait for me. Especially if he’s doing a long bid. Also how long is this prison sentence? If it’s a year, maybe 2-3 good chance you could wait. But like I said depends on how long it is, what he’s going to prison for. And if I’m being honest your chances of meeting someone else are very slim unless you’re absolutely beautiful or you pick a man who isn’t top of the line quality. If you’re 35, dating is going to be another 1-3 years, then marriage and kids. You’d be pushing it by than. Even at 30 you’d maybe be married by the time you’re 32-35. Same scenario, marriage then kids unless you don’t want to deal w the marriage part. It most men who are looking to have kids are usually looking for younger women. So just be aware of that as far as the chances of moving on from your husband.

4ngelic · Accepted Answer

It really depends on what he did & how long he's in prison. If he's in prison 0-3 years and he didn't do something that is so terrible that you should leave him, you can stick around. Longer than that, you should probably leave. Not only will you have to wait years to be with him normally and to have his children (especially since you're in your 30s, maybe even mid 30s) , he will change and you might realize you wasted your precious time, and obviously if he gets a long sentence he's probably human trash and did something quite bad.

choco-latte · Accepted Answer

How long will he go to prison for and why is he serving time? The only thing I know is you should be careful of the sacrifices you make… at least make sure it’s worth it. Was he thinking of you and how it would affect you when he committed the crime?

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

On GAG my aim is to help you see the red flags clearly and protect your heart, even when it hurts.

You’ve given 110% for 10+ years, no kids, and now he might be gone for years during the exact window you wanted a family. That’s brutal.

You’re not “abandoning” him by choosing yourself. You’re allowed to want kids, stability, a present partner. Waiting years in emotional limbo can turn into self-betrayal, not loyalty.

Support him as a human if you wish, but don’t put your future on pause. You deserve a real life, not a love story written around prison visiting hours.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

When a married man engages in a life of crime and accepts the possibility of going to prison, he is tacitly saying that remaining with his wife is not as important as his criminal activities. That doesn't sound like devotion.

AviatorTom · Answer

A random group of strangers here cannot answer that question for you. Think seriously about your relationship and what you want from life. Then decide what you are going to do. Best wishes.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

“For better or for worse, ‘til death do you part”

Lesbologist · Answer

Anon... and for some reason I just think you're a lovely woman. Just like any deployment, as with a prison stint, you're going to cheat and obviously thinking already about it. I mean seriously, you're thinking about it so don't try to act koy as if you're just thinking about it... You're mind is running on turbo on how to do it and the real question is to split or get pregnant now and make him think it's his... right? You're gonna do what your gonna do. I'm not really going to judge it. You're not his girl for life, it was just his turn. So, if you move on... at least try, at the very least, try, to find somone that's not prison bound. You know... someone who would make the kid's lunch. You've had your fun right? Ready to get serious now right? ... that prison convict is probably, your best choice. Other men will disrupt the process you've already started.

Anonymous · Answer

Well you said might go to prison soon, so I don’t know of which the extent of the crime or problem or punishment is… And I don’t want to know.

If it is a anywhere from couple months to less than 7 year period, since you’ve given 110% you should wait on him.
It seems you are not quite sure to “jump ship” so, it seems you still want to commit to the man you love as he would for you.

Maybe there is a way for his sperm to produce a child while he is in prison too or awaiting prison time so, you can raise the child as you wait and seek work.
There’s a lot of options here so, keep them open.

McLlovin · Answer

If you were a girlfriend that would be a different story, but you’re a wife. You said for better or worse. I don’t know the details of why he went to jail. I’ll leave the issue of whether what he did is worthy of you staying with him.

Screenwriter · Answer

Sounds like this prison sentence is the last straw for you. Ten years appears to be a long enough time to figure out who this person is. I'd suggest you get counseling so you feel this is the best thing for you and work through any doubts you may have about moving on. Good luck.

molonski2 · Answer

Well , he has broken the law , and made money from it I assume , so you are at least partly complisent in his activities , and let's be honest he probably has not been caught for 1/2 of what he has done.

You took vows , of course you should wait.

texasgirl012 · Answer

If he is guilty and you can see that rather than fooling yourself, then you have to move on. Well, you can decide to stay in it, but chances are high you will be ruining your life. Some vows can't or shouldn't be kept, and you should give yourself release. He should have done the same already. The fact he didn't ought to tell you everything you need to know.

LiamS95 · Answer

I suppose that depends on how much you trust him & love him & if you have a good life with him. Possibly also why he's going to prison.

OneViewpoint · Answer

The guy is a loser and will be for life with a felony conviction and jail time. You are approaching the end of your prime child bearing years. How's a convict and then ex con gonna support a family? Bail on this loser.

Mark_Est · Answer

The vows are very clear.  You are a shitty wife for event thinking it. You think he should ask if he should risk his life defending you before he does it?

Drumlin2001 · Answer

He's obviously going to deny it. Surely his lawyer can get copies of what's been accessed and can confirm to you if it's true or not.
Tough thing to recover from, and any kids you had would be watched by authorities like a hawk

FreyaRed · Answer

First time you visit him in jail bring your new fuck boy with. Finally you husband will be butt raped at least five times a day under shower. It's just fair. XD

NoDecision · Answer

Just how long of a prison term are we talking here? That makes a big difference in waiting time. Also, what was the crime because that also matters. Like burglary or murder?

RavVid · Answer

Why might he be going to prison? There are not many criminal offences I would accept my partner having done. How long is he likely to be in for? I think move on with your life.

loveyouoak · Answer

Let's consider the opposite scenario. If you were the one going to prison, would your husband wait for you or would he move on with his life? Make your decision based on that. Because it's not worth ruining your life for a man.

Anonymous · Answer

To be honest, it depends on what he’s going to prison for and whether you think he did it (if that matters to you). And how long he’s going for.

aceleon · Answer

move on. you will likely cheat after all so at least don't give the guy false hopes of you waiting for him.

Nikki1989 · Answer

I would be moving on unless your husband is really worth waiting for, which most men are not.

Iron_Man · Answer

You show your loyalty to your husband and you wait and you don’t date any other men and you don’t talk to other men and you don’t have sexual contact with other men you visit your husband every chance you get and wait for him to be released

Jackblue · Answer

If there were kids involved and they missed him, I might say stay with him for their sake if the sentence is short. Since it is just the two of you, get a divorce. No need to feel guilty; he made his decision to be a criminal.

DonaldDarko · Answer

Good you don't have any children with some killer or bank robber. No sense spreading those kind of genes.

Alex-Snow · Answer

What are his feelings about it? How long is he going to prison for? It is not something you have to decide on right away. Talk to family or friends for advice also

foxsquirrell · Answer

Well for how long is he going to be incarcerated? You should have included that if you want people to form an opinion on this. Because it really depends on how long he will be away.

What did he do by the way?

elizamichale1 · Answer

10 years of marriage... there must be some love between you guys n for that u should wait unless there is more to it

Anonymous · Answer

Only wait if you are the reason he went to jail, but what are the chances of that. You are lucky you don't have kids with this guy, or they wouldn't have a father.

Mariogirl09 · Answer

I would move on  Youve got your whole life ahead of you.

Anonymous · Answer

crazy how your husband is accused of child porn and you still want to have a child with him. get ready for him to be molesting your kid one day

bowenw · Answer

I would say it depends how long he will be incarcerated.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

It depends on how much you love him, what he did and how long he's gonna be in stir.

Staximus · Answer

Is he going to keep doing stupid shit after he gets out? How many times has this guy been arrested since you first met him?

canamlusciouslad73 · Answer

Get an HOBC ("Heartthrobby Older Black Cowboy") as a beau !!!

LiamJHayden · Answer

How long? What are the charges? Did he do it?

darkcloud1945 · Answer

You did not indicate how long he might be sent to prison for what he did.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Well that depends on how long he's going for. How he treated you. Was it a good marriage and if its worth saving and if he's worth waiting for?

BCRanger10 · Answer

For what and for how long?

dudeinohio · Answer

How long might he be away?

msc545 · Answer

How long is he going to be in prison?

Stormzy001 · Answer

the crime determines the time

kinks1951 · Answer

If you want kids, move on

ashish804 · Answer

I guess move on

Eleni200879 · Answer

It depends on what he did.

MasterKS · Answer

depend upon why he is going?

Agape93 · Answer

How long?

FrodoSkywalker007 · Answer

That's up to you

My husband might go to prison soon—should I wait or move on with my life?

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