Is it healthy to stay friends with an ex while in a new relationship?

Question

Lesbologist · Accepted Answer

I think it's a clear sign of someone keeping their options open. Like, I'm not exactly going to be surprised that some bro with a chick still talking to her ex still cheats on him with the ex every damn time they scwabble. I mean, isn't that why she kept him around to begin with?

Yeah yeah... she has answers to that question like they're just good friends, but the fact that they'll just magically start fucking again at every opportunity says otherwise to me.

I would just leave her, because I know what she's planning. All it take is some fight she probably starts on purpose because she's been texting with her "friend" about how she deserves better. She may not understand why she's keeping in contact, but I know exactly why. I've been the ex and guess who's dick she just has to suck everytime they fight? It got to the point where I had to cut contact with her because it was obvious I was just her extra penis everytime she feels like it. If not the sex, she's an attention vampire. And yeah they'll get pretty kinky just to keep the attention flow going.

She's doing it for the attention and cheating on some sort of level is just part of the teritory. And let me just put it like this, it's not rocket science... if some dude was with you but texting with his ex, you know exactly what could play out or why it's still playing out. It's not exactly healthy and you know it. It only gets confusing if you yourself and benefiting from the situation, starts making up the excuses to keep an old flame in contact. That might be you and why you're asking this question... just looking for excuses to maintain it. I don't know though, but I know enough that I wouldn't deal with it... you... or where ever it comes from.

Laws-Of-Existence · Accepted Answer

It is unhealthy to be artificially memorizing what behavior is and isn't healthy, as if trying to conceal bad symptoms.  ㅤ

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I think it can be healthy, but it depends heavily on why you're still friends and what that friendship actually looks like.

If you genuinely moved on, there are clear boundaries, and your current partner feels respected and secure, I don't see a problem with it. An ex is still someone who was once important to you, and pretending they never existed just because the relationship ended isn't always necessary.

But if you're constantly texting them, hiding conversations, comparing your partner to them, or turning to your ex for emotional support whenever you're having problems with your relationship, that's where I'd be uncomfortable.

Personally, I'd ask myself one simple question: Would I be comfortable if my partner had exactly the same friendship with their ex that I have with mine? If the honest answer is no, there's probably a boundary that needs to be reconsidered. ❤️

DeeDeeDeVour · Accepted Answer

My husband has met all of my exes.

He doesn't mind that they are still my friends.

However, I have one ex that I wouldn't want anything to do with.

I asked my husband to promise me that if that guy ever tries to come back into my life, he'd break every bone in his body.

My husband gladly agreed.

ohsheeT · Answer

You start out as good friends and when you break up you should try to do it as friends especially if you have kids

But the Loyalty that you once had now gets directed towards the kids

And you have to remember how you interact with each other is also teaching the kids when they get older this is how you handle a breakup peaceful calm still with a little bit of love but you have to get along

And then if one of you gets another partner girlfriend boyfriend whatever there are boundaries that cannot be broken because the new love that you have does not need to play second fiddle or feel that way in any form shape they have to know that you are a parent and your kids come first and that they are the ones in your life you don't need an ex as a friend you have a new friend and that's the way they should be treated always you have to make sure that they know and understand they are number one in your life and not to be made to feel any different

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Do you enjoy giving your new partner a reason to question your motives? Wouldn't you wonder if we was spending time with his pretty ex girlfriend? After a breakup, the only time you should see an ex should be in your rear view mirror (unless you have a child together.)

AviatorTom · Answer

Acquaintances yes. Friends, not so much. It's important that your partner know that they are number one in your life, and staying friends with your ex might make them doubt that.

Staximus · Answer

It has nothing to do with health, it’s just asking for problems. They are an ex for a reason. If somebody can’t close the door and move on from a past relationship, they have no business entering into a new one. It’s not fair to the new person. I’ve never met a woman who was ok with their boyfriend or husband hanging out with his ex, and I’ve never met a man who was ok with his girlfriend or wife hanging out with hers, either. If they say they’re ok with it then they are a liar. If I had a girlfriend and she hung out with her ex or wanted to, I’d tell her to fuck off and don’t ever come back. I would never hang out with an ex if I was in a relationship, that’s one of the most inconsiderate things you could do to somebody you’re in a relationship with.

jshm2 · Answer

Obviously. I still see 7 of my ex's - 4 run businesses that I frequent, and the other 3 are professionals in their fields that I network with occasionally.

I have other ex's that I rarely see, but we get on well.

Your issue is not understanding that two people can want different things further along the path, and move on. But making everything personal and breaking up like a high school drama means you've failed at adulting.

You should not hate people for wanting different things, and clutch onto them until things require breaking up.

RingOfFire · Answer

I've been in a lot of relationships in my live... far too many to my regret... and I have never once from my teens to my current age been in a relationship with a girl who would tolerate my having any contact with my former girlfriends. As to my own feeling about it. Can't say I am crazy about it, but wouldn't want to cut her off from a true friend either. There is a balance there. I have deep feelings for a few of my ex's, but not the same as it was when I was exclusively with them. I've never had a breakup where we had bad feelings towards each other and there are still a couple I keep in touch with. That doesn't mean there is any chance at all of us ever getting back together, just that I still like them and appreciate having someone I shared part of my life with still in my life. I do have a rule though that I will have no contact with a former girlfriend who is married. I wouldn't want my wife to do that and I won't do it to her husband.

Singhaeshwaryakumar · Answer

🧠 My personal take
You can be friends with your ex, but your past relationship shouldn't compete with your present relationship.
Friendship works best when the romantic chapter has genuinely closed, there's no deception, and the current partner's feelings are treated with respect.
A useful question to ask yourself is: If my current partner could see the full nature of my friendship with my ex, would I still feel comfortable with it?
That question can reveal a lot.
❤️ Now, my friend, let me ask you something so I can give you a more meaningful answer.
Are you asking this as a general question, or is there a particular situation where someone is still friends with their ex while dating a new person? The answer can be quite different depending on the circumstances.

MrOracle · Answer

It's fine to be civil, but not okay to be "friends". When a past relationship is over, it needs to be OVER. If it's not, there's no way the new partner can trust you not to leave and go back at any time. in my opinion, it means that you still have unfinished business with your ex.

molonski2 · Answer

I don't know if healthy or otherwise , but I think it is , personally ( this came with age ) I always remain friends where it is possible.

It's a nice feeling , you have been though a lot.

In my 20s/ 30s , I was more black / white , now I regret that.

236color · Answer

Probably not healthy for the new relationship. Women often want the "but we're still friends" title because they think it absolve them of whatever they did in the relationship. Men, if they grant it to you, do so because it means you'll stop pestering them about it and go away.

slatyb · Answer

That depends on the nature of the friendship. Are you still flirting? Wishing to be back together with them? Will it distract you from the new relationship? Yes? Then no, it's not healthy and perhaps you aren't ready for a new relationship. Or have you moved on, some fond memories but knowing that it wouldn't work? The it's ok.

Kassandra1994 · Answer

Hell no my ex fiance and I we would be killing each other. Considering my ex he is a religous church lunatic hell no four eyes.

Yes my ex he is a four eyes looser mommas boy yes my ex mom hated me. My ex has negative toxic energy hell no! I cursed him and his upcoming bloodline.

RavVid · Answer

On either side of the gender fence, it is just as much a mortal sin to give your partner doubts on your fidelity as it is to be unfaithful.

i like the definition of cheating as doing something you don't want your partner to know about. That might be just making salacious comments to a member of the opposite gender or flirtation.

Could staying friends with an ex cause doubts. Certainly.

So you shouldn't do it.

Med_guy1978 · Answer

I think it depends on why you broke up. Usually it's for a bad reason and on bad terms so I think friends afterwards wouldn't work in most cases. I feel when the woman breaks up with the man, she very often puts him in the friends zone and likes to keep him interested. When the man breaks up with the woman, she becomes crazy..

Anonymous · Answer

Healthy is not the issue. Especially for women being friends with an ex it can damage a future relationship. That is if you intend for the relationship to go all the way. Any guy would rightly see you ex who is a friend as a threat to the future of your relationship. A back up guy on your roster. A rivial for your affections waiting for problems in the relationship and even causing them.

NathanDavis · Answer

that really depends on the circumstances... and the context as well what kind of people they all are it's the people involved that make the difference in these situations, lol

Zack-Bann · Answer

Buddies? Sure Best friends and confidants? No that’s toxic. Friendship lives two doors down from relationship. It’s best not keep an ex in such close proximity to that.

lightbulb27 · Answer

probably not. been done before, what's the point.  I do see value if the X can talk openly about challenges he's going to face wtih you and you both can address it early. healthy, doubt that

HighValue · Answer

It is emotional cheating at the very least. Only low quality people would stay friends with or have any contact with an ex. If they have kids with the ex, only a low quality desperate person would want a relationship with them anyway.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

What's healthy is what makes me feeling fine without adverse effects, so if my previous girlfriend and I are at peace, unambiguously, then it's going to be healthy for me

FreyaRed · Answer

No. I think it's the bast way to kill a normal relationship. Of course this can work with if one of the partners has specific fetishes but in normal configuration it won't do.

Nikki1989 · Answer

You should stay friends with those you were once friendly with. That is what civil people do.

genericname85 · Answer

i don't think it's 100% always gonna be a bad thing. maybe there are a few rare exceptions. but in the vast majority of cases, it is a bad idea.

Miristheiss · Answer

Iy is a reason to not commit to that person. If they stay in contact with an ex move on. Do not date them.

Screenwriter · Answer

Totally according to how you broke up and if you remain platonic friends. I don't think most folk can do it.

_Jenny_ · Answer

@karrimurray  Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer" was popularized by the 1974 film The Godfather Part II, spoken by the character Michael Corleone. [1, 2]

dudeinohio · Answer

Definitely not! Disrespectful to the new partner and the relationship.

MrChinaski · Answer

If you can maintain a healthy friendship, then, yes, definitely. Many can not.

Kelly6 · Answer

@karrimurray Yes it is healthy if the break up was in friendly way. It's healthy because it won't create negativity in your next relationship

XXTruthfulOgrexx · Answer

No, neither will fully move on while staying in constant contact.

WhitneySnow · Answer

You can, but the odds are either you or your ex still has feelings. If not, then it’s fine.

Spencer10 · Answer

Not for me to judge... if it works for you why not. Maybe it was afriendly breakup right?

Anonymous · Answer

based on what I have learned my last relationship with my ex boyfriend, anyone who won't cut off their ex is a huge red flag. And it's a deal breaker that I advise everyone should have.

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

I would say id you can stay away that's good one bad fight and you will be going to your ex then the complications start

queenofcardio · Answer

I think at some point it gets too awkward and complicated. I barely talk to any of my exes

NoDecision · Answer

I would say yes, especially if you have kids together.

foxsquirrell · Answer

I would not like it. I would be suspicious. I would think that their still remains something between them.  But wait, healthy in what way and for who healthy?

ktownmax · Answer

It all depends on the situation. If it was an amicable breakup by both parties then it should be fine. If it was a rocky breakup with hurt feelings on either side , it would be a good idea to keep your distance until you can be civil.

KostasKouvalis · Answer

I don't think so. Sounds like trouble waiting to happemed

Blueeyes81 · Answer

It will cause doubt in your partner more often than not. Been there and had her cheat so it's a red flag for me.

MannMitAntworten · Answer

This is best by the someone new. I personally never keep exes around. Done is done.

Danny_dan92 · Answer

See how long this new relationship lasts… that’s your answer

JoshicusBoss88 · Answer

Depends on how close. Friends in that you might seem in a group setting once every blue moon, sure. But you shouldn’t be hanging out with an ex on any regular basis…

Saman_79 · Answer

It depends on you. if you believe in yourself it's fine. you should be in a decision that you won't cheat on ur current boyfriend with ur ex that's fine.

Anonymous · Answer

Mature adults should be able to as long as both know that it's over and want it to be and don't try to rekindle anything.

Likes2drive · Answer

Probably not a good idea unless you had kids with them

Pterodon · Answer

No it isn’t. It prevents one from moving on and causes problems with future relationships

rapfan107 · Answer

You can stay friends with them but kf you're constantly hanging out or talking to them !! Thats a different story

stevenkelly · Answer

It complicates things

happyoldman · Answer

Only if your new partner is comfortable with it

Nicolette1103 · Answer

No unless you have children together. And remand cordial. Cause they be a chance they rekindle their relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

Very unhealthy, and unfair to your current partner.

unreachablee · Answer

yes it's healthy if you don't feel something emotional anymore

Anonymous · Answer

At 35, asking this tells me you need to reevaluate your life. You're too old to be thus dumb

Mark_Est · Answer

It is unhealthy to have an ex as a woman.

DryGermanGuy · Answer

Some people can make that work. 👍

DonaldDarko · Answer

Of course not.

DishLady · Answer

Nope!

FunkyMonkee · Answer

I never had a problem with it.

Chayce · Answer

If you aren't emotionally attached why not

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