Was I too harsh on my boyfriend's friends?

[Anonymous]

I still can't believe how comfortable people feel making comments about my boyfriend just because he's overweight. The other day we were hanging out with a group of friends and one of them looked at my boyfriend and laughed saying bro you two look really different standing next to each other. My boyfriend didn't say anything. I asked him what he meant and he said don't get me wrong I'm just surprised it's weird seeing such a pretty girl with someone like you. My boyfriend stayed quiet again. So I looked at everyone at the table and said if you can look at my boyfriend's weight and decide if he's good enough to be with me then I can look at your personalities and question why I'm even friends with you. Everyone went completely silent. Then my boyfriend said forget it I'm used to it. And honestly that made me even angrier.

[Anonymous]

Ok I get what you’re trying to do, which is good but it’s also bad. I would talk to him first. Ask if this really hurts his feelings. A lot of times men talk shit to each other like that to show love. We usually don’t go around saying bro I love you, I miss you man, I haven’t seen you in a long time. Men talk shit like damn I seen you making out w that Gordita. Yes bad example I know but that’s how men show love to each other, in addition to rough housing. Now if it really bothers him then he needs to learn to stand up for himself. Not you. Maybe he can go to counseling. You just emasculated him in front of all his friends. Yes I know if they’re doing it to hurt him rather than a loving manner, they’re POS. Now you may not see it this way, but when you stood up to his friends like that, you just made him look like even more of a little bitch by doing that. Now they may start saying shit to him like oh oh be careful what you say he may get his girl to fight for him. So it’s possible your response created more problems. You can say that’s bullshit, that’s stupid, toxic masculinity or whatever. But the fact is that’s how men are, we don’t act like women. You can’t be there w him every minute of everyday to defend him. So he needs to get some self confidence. Whether that’s through therapy, lifting weights, Lear ing martial arts, losing weight in general if he doesn’t like how he looks. Pretty much all the women said they’d do the same, but like I said you’re emasculating your man. Again you may think that’s stupid but that’s the reality of men as far as what we deal w among a lot of other things. So maybe talk to him. Don’t tell him we’ll go lift weight or go do this if you feel that way, it’s unsolicited advice that’s may make him feel worse. Now if he ask you what do you think I could do to help improve myself, then you could offer advice.

[DryGermanGuy]

Apparently they are not his friends, but his acquaintances at best. 🤷‍♂️

[HollyK21]

I think what you said was perfect, although I wish your boyfriend would stand up for himself. You don’t want to create a pattern of protecting his feelings when he won’t even do it himself, mainly because he’s settled into accepting mistreatment. If he isn’t in therapy already, he should really consider it, maybe that would help him find his voice and confidence.

[yummyyyyumy]

Sorry, but your boyfriend’s friends are right. If you’re attractive and she’s overweight, she needs to get herself together. You two look really weird standing next to each other. And honestly, I don’t understand how you can date someone who’s overweight. How can you even stomach i

[HollyK21]

This is a unnecessarily rude and grossly shallow take. Shame on you.

[AI Opinion]

My aim here on GAG is to help you decode messy relationship dynamics and protect your heart, gorgeous 😉

You were not too harsh at all. That “friend” insulted your boyfriend and low-key insulted you too, like you’re “too pretty” for him. That’s not a joke, that’s a red flag. You set a boundary, confidently. That silence? That’s guilt.

Your boyfriend being “used to it” just shows how often he’s been hurt. He deserves someone like you defending him, but he also needs to start defending himself. You didn’t overreact, you showed everyone what real love looks like 💋

[Chayce]

Not too harsh but your boyfriend needs to lift weights or do something to help with his self esteem immediately.

[Paige2006]

You handled it exactly the way you should. You are a good girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

If someone said that to my handsome face chubby nerdy boyfriend, they would be so dead

[tiredpanda]

No. You did the right thing.

[EmmaMary]

You handled that with maturity.

[WhitneySnow]

You were not too harsh on them

[Staximus]

No, you did good by sticking up for him