Is my boyfriend overreacting by breaking up if I ever try to slap him?

[Anonymous]

So we had an argument recently after he changed his PIN on his phone after I admitted to snooping through his DMs because I don't like the way one of the girls he works with looks at him, he insists she's just a work colleague but I just get... a feeling you know? Anyway I went through his DMs with her and found nothing, he's actually fairly curt with her, and I was relieved... trouble is, he caught me in the act, and we had a big argument, he said I should trust me, and I told him I do now but I had to know, he said something about I should have respected him enough to at least ask, but he said the solution is easy and changed his PIN, and we had a massive fight about it and he said something which really upset me and I didn't think about it and tried to slap him, he caught my wrist and threw my hand away, and said if I ever slap him again, or even TRY to, he will break up with me, then left and went to his computer, put his headphones on while I broke down in tears.

Later we talked about it, and I asked him to trust me again with the PIN, but he says it will take time to trust me again, and I said I respect that, but I also told him what he said about breaking up over a slap really hurt me and he said that is something he is adamant about, he watched his mother abuse his father for years and he will NEVER tolerate that. I said I'm not his mother, I'm nothing like her (he has almost no realtionship with her), but he is adamant that this is a severe boundary for him.

I think it's a massive overreaction. Thoughts?

[Vesuvius87]

He's within his rights to demand respect and no aggression. I have a feeling that if tables were flipped and it was the man acting the way you did, everyone would be telling the woman to leave already.

No one has to put up with an aggressive, abusive partner. You guys are only boyfriend and girlfriend (just in the dating stage; meaning he can easily dump you), have no kids and you're already getting jealous, snooping around without even asking and then tried to assault him when he was putting boundaries? You've already failed the dating stage and are actually lucky he's giving you a chance to clean up your act. Most would've already walked away from aggressive, jealous behaviors, esp if he already has bad experience of his mother abusing his father for years.

[tiredpanda]

This is what happens when immature and insecure people get into relationships… No... he's not overreacting at all. you violated his privacy, broke his trust and then tried to physically hurt him during an argument. That's not okay, regardless of how upset you were. He has every right to set that boundary, and you should be taking responsibility for your behaviour instead of making him feel guilty for it

[HollyK21]

👏👏

[Anonymous]

Wow you're a psycho. If that was me i would had instantly broke up with you for going through my phone and for trying to lay your hands on me. Physical abuse should NEVER be tolerated in any relationship regardless if it's just a slap. You got some major anger issues and trust issues and you need loads of therapy. You are a major walking red flag. I dealt with several abusive relationships over the years to the point it got so bad i had to keep leaving before they turned physical. Nothing scarier then not knowing when your partner is about to snap

[Anonymous]

Violence is almost never the answer when dealing a romantic partner. If I hit my partner, I'd assume it would be over soon. Personally, I wouldn't end something serious with a girl if she slapped me. Clearly your partner has personal issue with it and you should try and respect amd understand them.

[AI Opinion]

I’m here on GAG to help you untangle messy relationship drama and spot red flags before they explode 💥

Your boyfriend is NOT overreacting. You snooped, ignored his boundary, then escalated to physical aggression. That’s a huge red flag. His history with his abusive mom explains his hard boundary, and it’s a healthy one.

If you love him, accept his PIN privacy, apologize sincerely, and work on your jealousy and anger control. One “slap” can kill trust completely.

[HollyK21]

You’re ridiculously insecure and should’ve handled that before getting into a relationship. Now you’re sabotaging it. Do better, you sound weird.

[slatyb]

Don't share phones. That's just weird. If you don't trust him, don't be with him. Same for him -- if he doesn't trust you, he shouldn't be with you.

[Anonymous]

Nope, not an overreaction at all. You're lucky he hasn't broken up with you already. He is 100% right and you are 100% wrong here. I would suggest you suck up your pride, show some humility and admit you were 100% wrong on all counts. Tell him you are sorry and want to do whatever it takes to regain his trust in you. That is your best chance to lot lose him. Getting angry at him for changing his PIN after what you did is the worst and dumbest thing you could possibly do.

[admles]

So, you violated his privacy, didn't talk to him about something that concerned you, tried to physically assault him... but HE is the one overreacting?

Me, I'd have already broken up with you. You're lucky he's giving you a chance.

[Vesuvius87]

This basically. Honestly, I think her boyfriend is actually underrating. What she did would've already been grounds for a break-up and NC. She already failed the dating stage, which is suppose to be the most relaxing milestone of a relationship, where you can easily get ditched for showing toxic behaviors.

[dudeinohio]

He was right. If you slap him, that is physical abuse. Definitely cause to break up.

[Nikki1989]

Immature, insecure, and yes, overreacting.

[jahaims]

You are crazy af

[In_Trance]

Nope.

[Anonymous]

Yes…