Anytime my boyfriend does something nice, he feels like I owe him...

...Is there a nice way to tell him to stop doing things for me, because I don't want to feel obligated to him?

Like, if we go out with his friends, that's considered "normal," but if we go out with my friends, he thinks that I "owe" him. Same goes if he happens to buy me a gift that I didn't even ask for. It's frustrating.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Tell him flat out you don't owe him anything those are things couples normally do, sometimes you see something nice and think I should get this for my boyfriend and you get it for him. You don't have to buy him something just because he got you something

    • Plus, gifts are meant to be free. Otherwise, it's not a gift, but a contract. Or a trade. Since gifts are ALWAYS one-way and you don't expect anything in return.

    • I agree twilight! It takes away the love and kindness from it

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What Guys Said 3

  • Is he vaguely saying you owe him, or are you always supposed to pay him back the same way?

    • I haven't figured this one out yet. I just recently (past two weeks or so) figured out that he "keeps score" ... but what I do doesn't necessarily count. Ha, ha.

    • My guess is that he doesn't know how to just ask for what he wants, or feels he's not allowed to, so he wants to get you 'in his debt' and then hint at what he wants and hope you deliver.

      Could be anything, but sex might be an obvious thing ...

      If that's what he's doing, its a terrible habit, and you should tell him there's no 'owing'. He goes to things with you because he wants to be with you. And you have tons of sex with him because you want him, and enjoy pleasing him.

    • I don't think its sex, because we have sex all the time. I can't figure out what it is that he wants from me, though. Validation of some kind? Not having to do anything that inconvenient? Freedom to be able to get anything he wants from me at any time?

  • hmm, sounds like he acts like it's a chore and not something he really wants to do unless it benefits himself. Sounds kinda selfish :\

  • Tell him to let you spoil him a bit... check out my question link


What Girls Said 3

  • yeah... next time he makes you feel like that tell him you don't owe him sh*t and he does not owe you sh*t...

    u both are gf-bf... and such things are a natural part of relationships...

    make sure that the one gets your point.. he is your bf..u can be harsh with him once..not a big deal!

  • Wow, he has a huge ego, not going to tell you to dump him because that's not the greatest advice but you need to have a serious talk with him about this.

  • Well I guess it's unhealthy relationship. Better to broke with him and find someone.