My boyfriend seems so unappreciative and takes things including me for granted?

[Anonymous]

I do t know if this is part of a bigger problem but lately he seems moody and not like his old self. We’ve been together a couple of years and living together a while so I do notice the difference.

An example is that I offered to buy him a lovely guitar for Christmas that he originally said he wanted. Then when I said I’d get it he wobbled about a bit and said he changed his mind and didn’t really know what he wanted. I just said ok and decided I’d not make as much effort because I didn’t feel he deserved it and that this was completely ungrateful.

I feel like he’s being the same way with me. I try really hard to keep myself fit and healthy and all he wants to do is eat eat and eat but do no exercise. It’s gotten to the point his health is suffering and he now needs to go to the hospital for an exam. I don’t think it’s wholly related to his lifestyle choices but he isn’t helping himself. When I suggest he joins me or even does a sport he likes he just says I should love him as he is and I do but when we first got together he was willingly exercising and looking after himself.
He’s started picking at me for petty little things like leaving lights on as well. I know it costs money but I don’t do it on purpose and I’m still paying half the bills and I pay for the car we have that he gets to use.

He’s just gone so stubborn and childlike and I don’t know if it’s something I’m doing but I’d really appreciate any help to change my situation.

[Sparkie460]

You need to sit down with him and discuss your concerns. Ask him why he's feeling the way he is. What changed in your relationship? Something is bothering him and you have to find out what it is

[Asker]

Yes there’s no good guessing I have to have it out with him

[Asker]

I’d say we moved into a tiny apartment from the big house we were in to try and save money for a house deposit so we could actually buy. I didn’t want to but I went along with it. He got a new job and he works with some horrible people now and he brings home work problems.
He doesn’t have a bike anymore because he has no money and we live in an apartment

[Sparkie460]

So it seems like all these changes took a toll on him. It seems like he is under a lot of pressure.

[Sparkie460]

I wouldn't " have it out with him ". Just sit down and talk about it calmly. It sounds like he is depressed from all the changes that you had to go through

[Asker]

I’m scared he blames me… I’m doing really well at work atm and getting lots of money which I’ve voluntarily said I’ll put all towards a house deposit for us. I don’t care about that I just want to be happy. Then I feel like he’s not very happy with me and I can’t win 😔

[Sparkie460]

Are you making more money than him

[Asker]

Yes I am

[Asker]

We had a talk and he said he wants his car and bike back that he gave up to move out but wouldn’t have had to give up if he had not gotten himself into debt. He also said that he wanted to not be in the flat we are in anymore which is the place I didn’t want to move to to start with but he did because of his own money troubles! I just feel like he’s never happy.
Then he said he’s worried about us sometimes and drifting apart. I told him all couples go though ups and downs but if he wanted to he could move back to his mothers house and have the car and bike back and we’ll just go back to being a couple that dates but then he said he doesn’t want that either so I don’t know what the hell he does want. It’s incredibly frustrating and tiring for me. Do you have any advice? You seem really knowledgeable and I’d really appreciate it

[Sparkie460]

My wife and I were in a similar situation when we started out. We moved into a small apartment because she was pregnant. I didn't have a great job and she couldn't work because of the pregnancy. I sold the car that I loved so we can manage better and get the stuff we'd need for the baby.
It was rough for the both of us but we got through it because we talked to each other.

How bad is his debt? What happened that he got in such debt?

I think you should keep reassuring him that it won't always be like this. Things will get better over time. You just have to take one step at a time.

Figure out a budget and stay within that budget. Get the debt paid off. Maybe he should look for a different job where he works with better people.

It's not going to be easy but it will lead to a better life and relationship better the two of you. If you love each other then it will all be worth it.

[Asker]

Ah thank you so much that’s really reassuring to hear. The thing is, I’ve encouraged him to look for a new job. I’ve actually even looked for him myself and he made one application and then said why it wouldn’t be any good and he’s going to stick with this one.

I had a little debt when we moved out but I’ve budgeted and got myself out of it. I did us both a budget and he didn’t stick to it and tried to wriggle out of telling me where his money was going. He can be secretive and that’s the problem we have sometimes. I don’t really know how he got into so much debt but I think it’s actually from the motorbike and the car he bought…

[Asker]

I think he owes like £3500 now but he brings home enough to pay off at least £1000 a month

[Sparkie460]

So in 3 and a half months his debt will be paid off if he sticks to a budget. Maybe then you can move to a different place that you both like. It's not all going to happen overnight. You have to take one step at a time.

[Sparkie460]

Thanks for the mho

[boggboss]

Asoeak yo eachother communit your issues

[Asker]

How do I bring up my concerns?

[boggboss]

By just bringing it up not in a accusing Manor but explain how u feel

[Anonymous]

Let another guy appreciate you.