Liking someone who is already taken?

[Seraphine]

I just can't help it, I really like this one guy. He seems to like me as well, but is hesitant because I get the feeling that he does not know the extent to which I like him.

The reasons for my concealment of my feelings are simple enough. He is not single, and I could never fathom taking him away from his relationship unless he decides to get out of it himself. I, however, would not like to be responsible for a breakup so despite me liking him a lot, I just try to stay reserved about what I feel. Plus it's hardly fair for the girl he's dating, isn't it, if I were to just start flirting with her man (have had that happen to me before, so I know how it feels and I would never put someone else through that lol)

I think he has sensed my body language however. I have developed this habit of glancing at my crushes over the years. I really cannot help it; sometimes I do it absentmindedly even while I am thinking of other things.

So yeah. Recently, he has been hovering around me a lot. Once he got so close to me, it seemed as if he was going to make conversation. Naturally, I glanced up, and he smiled, but did not say anything. We kept the eye-contact for a full minute until someone called him from behind, and he sort of turned away and walked off without saying anything.

After this event, he has been VERY reserved and seldom meets my eye. Sometimes, I do catch him glancing at me, though I try not to look that way.

I can't help but feel horribly guilty around his girlfriend, even though I have done nothing but secretly (or not-so-secretly) admire him from afar.

I do not plan on initiating anything with him unless he speaks to me, because I am horribly shy when it comes to men. However, I feel I scared him away. The "staring match" we had; while we were looking at each other, I think he expected me to say something but I couldn't.

Yeah...I suppose my question is...How do I control myself from doing something ridiculously stupid? I really, really like him but I respect his girlfriend a lot so as stated before, I don't want to start flirting with him, "steal him away from her" or even become friends with him because the attraction on my side is there and I'm afraid it'll become too apparent if we start talking.

So, in my shoes, what would you do?

[why-makoto-kun]

Do not do anything. If he really wants you, he will break up with his girlfriend and ask you out. But you need to be respectful of their relationship, or else he won't respect your relationship (if he does leave her for you).

But that's just my personal opinion. I had a crush on a taken guy friend for a while but it went away. These things happen and they pass. Good luck :)

[Seraphine]

I really hope it goes away. I'd rather turn my attentions to someone else than have a breakup on my conscience.

[why-makoto-kun]

Mhm, here's what I did: fantasize about you and him being together like it's real life. Play it out. When you realize how much reality and fantasy contrast, leaving the possibility of being with him being close to zero, you'll get over it. Think about his flaws. Maybe some awkward lulls in conversation that make you feel self-conscious? Maybe his girlfriend is really hot.

Also, if a new guy comes along who peaks your interest MORE, Mr. Hot Guy Friend will be off your radar screen. ;)

[Anonymous]

I'd stay away from him.

Sticking around is only going to complicate the situation. Either I confuse his feelings and make myself look like a homewrecking whore or I get hurt having to be around him and knowing he's not mine.

So why don't you just stay away from him? I'm sure you can find away to not be around him.

[Seraphine]

We go to the same campus, and I have classes with him 4 days a week at least twice everyday. :/ I avoid my glance but I'm always aware and self-conscious when he's there. & to make a point, I am NOT a homewrecking whore. I plan on doing nothing unless HE decides that he wants to leave his girlfriend for me, and the probability of that is 0.01% percent I'm sure.

[Opinion Owner]

well thank you thank you THANK YOU for not being one of those selfish females. We already have enough of them!

[Anonymous]

That's a tough one. He seems to like you, but maybe he is reluctant to leave the relationship he is currently in.

If he talks to you, don't reject him. Just keep things at a friendly level.

[palek]

Thanks for the kind words. Things haven't been going smoothly for she and I of late, so there may yet be hope for us.

[Seraphine]

I beg your pardon?

[palek]

Please don't beg. You're above that.

[Seraphine]

Figure of speech.

[palek]

; - )