Can a guy really stop himself from falling in love?

[Anonymous]

Can a guy really stop himself from falling in love and not have the ability to feel love because he's too afraid of getting hurt, or is that just bullsh*t?

[Justthinkingaloud]

Yes it can be true. I went through a bad break up after being together for about 3 years. This happened a year ago and no matter how hard I try I can't get over her. I still love her and feel as though I may never find another person I care for that much. So I just quite trying. But I do know it can fade with time and things can change. But until then I just hope she's happy and with a good man that will treat her right, and if he don't hell will break loose. But again the feeling "CAN" fade but it all depends on that person and how they felt to begin with. And if your asking cause you don't want to hurt a guy then do what's right for you. People can get very hurt but if you really aren't right for each other then your not right for each other. People should be with someone they love and are happy with. May sound contradicting but things especially love are sometimes.

[zxmmsl]

If the guy has been hurt before, I think he should have the ability to control his emotion. After the first time, most guys would be much stronger and won't be so serious to risk being hurt anymore!

[hayfa]

Yes, so can girls. It's all within our control as intelligent human beings. We won't fall if we prevent it. Unless the other person shows the two most important traits (according to research) that lead one into falling in love, and those are: intelligence and kindness.

[Asker]

My boyfriend broke up with me because he said he doesn't know why he can't fall in love with me but he doesn't feel it. And I know he's been really hurt in the past and worried I was going to leave him when we first started dating. So I can't tell if he just didn't feel anything because he lost attraction or if he's because he prevented himself from falling. But I was good to him and really loved him. His exes treated him like dirt and he seemed to be into that..

[hayfa]

Noone falls in 'love' with someone who treats them like dirt. There are always some underlying reasons behind those scenarios. But I'm not sure in this case because he didn't say he doesn't Want to fall in love with you, he said he doesn't know why he Can't. They're two very different things, so I think you should maybe talk to him about it to have a deeper understanding of what exactly is going on in his mind/heart

[Asker]

We're not speaking at the moment. He just ended it and stopped talking to me :(

[Asker]

His words were "It hasn't happened yet and it's been long enough so it's never going to happen."

[hayfa]

Meaning he hasn't fallen in love yet and it's been long enough so it won't happen? But I don't understand fully..why was he worried you might leave him when you started dating if he hadn't fallen in love with you then?

[Asker]

I guess because he had been dumped by his past girlfriend and he was afraid or something. But yeah that was right when we started dating. And then I started falling for him and told him I loved him half way into the relationship. And he couldn't say it back but we kept dating, but every once in a while I would get upset and try to talk to him about his feelings. And finally he just said "It's never going to happen. Something doesn't feel right" and dumped me. Now I don't know how to get him back

[hayfa]

Why would you want him back now?

[Asker]

I mean, I can't really do anything about how he feels. I guess I just wish he would realize he misses me and want to come back :( but I'm sure it won't happen since he already made up his mind. It just feels like a shame because we always got along really great and had good times. This break up was very sudden and it was after I had been pushing him to express himself. So I blame myself

[hayfa]

There's no point in blaming yourself. Sometimes things are just not meant to be. If it was real, it would have preserved itself, but anyhow, he probably just has his own issues etc that he needs to sort out on his own, sometimes you need to give time to yourself and understand yourself better before being able to appreciate anyone else. And also, it;s a time thing too. Whether you loved him or not doesn't change the fact that he is still an individual in his own right.

[Asker]

Thanks :)

Yeah, the whole thing just sucks...

[brandonlee12]

yes like me, because I just can't be bothered with relationships anymore. I just convince myself reasons not to have a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Yes, that is why the idea of men should do all the approaching is the most ridiculous notion!

[Asker]

Huh?

[Opinion Owner]

Guys put their guards up to, we hurt just as much as women, and it goes by the individual. Some have it easy, because they're just liked by the opposite gender, and others have been treated with cruelty. So the idea of one gender doing all the approaching is just ridiculous!

[KingsOfleon88]

I am that guy. No word of a lie

[Asker]

My boyfriend broke up with me because he said he doesn't know why he can't fall in love with me but he doesn't feel it. And I know he's been really hurt in the past and worried I was going to leave him when we first started dating. So I can't tell if he just didn't feel anything because he lost attraction or if he's because he prevented himself from falling. I guess it doesn't really matter though :(

[Koldhearted]

Yes, it's called building a wall

[Asker]

How does it work though? I've never been able to stop myself from feeling something so this is really interesting to me.

[Koldhearted]

Every cut makes it a little harder to get close to someone. People tend to put their guard up more and more with every heartbreak

[Xx_DRE_xX]

Women seem to do it all the time so why can't men?

[Asker]

So it's not bullsh*t?

[Xx_DRE_xX]

Not really.

[Asker]

I don't know, I've always just fallen in love so I don't know what it feels like to be able to NOT do that

[Xx_DRE_xX]

You'll findout if you ever get crushed by someone you really love.

[Asker]

Yeah, it JUST happened to me. My boyfriend broke up with me because he said he doesn't know why he can't fall in love with me.

[Xx_DRE_xX]

Well I gotta give it to you, your have a positive way of thinking and keep a open-mind.

[Asker]

I'm guessing he just didn't feel attraction strongly enough, I don't know. He has been really hurt in the past and was always irrationally scared I was going to leave

[Xx_DRE_xX]

I mean it happens, there's not much you can do except comfort them for as long as they choose to be.