Why do I find relationships so lame now?

[Anonymous]

Ok so I've been hurt and taken advantage of,unappreciated..yeah all that...

But so have many out there right? But you people still seem to believe in relationships and all...

The thing is now I cannot take the thought of any relationship seriously..I always feel people are just wasting time and stuff...even though I am such an emotional person..yet I still can't manage take these stuff seriously or act interested when a friend of mine talks bout his/her love life...

Is this normal?

[ObscuredBeyond]

At some point, you begin reassessing what it is that you yourself were looking for in the first place. Somehow, you know deep down that relationships are supposed to be about something. But you've lost sight of what that could be. Being hurt over and over again can do that.

I'm always falling head-over-heels for girls who are far too emotionally immature to handle me. The trick has been learning to accept that the girl's fatal flaw should be a deal breaker, and to give someone else a chance sooner. I need a future wife who can raise children, but not be a child herself. I'm finding that maturity comes later and later in life for way too many, so I might be a bag of bones before I find someone who can behave like an adult with me.

On top of that, as much attention as I'm willing to give, I expect a little in return. I find that one side effect of falling for emotionally immature women is that they seem to think one-way-street romance is acceptable. They see no problem in me doing all the work, while they behave passively. That's unacceptable. I require at least a fourth as much attention as I give, and the ladies are tax evaders in that manner.

It's the welfare culture that's developed, I'm convinced. Gals think love is supposed to be a mere commodity, another free handout in an entitlement-obsessed society. It's not. It's a sacred duty, requiring sacrifice and hard work before it can yield its true benefit.

Not sure where you rank on the political spectrum, but Rush Limbaugh probably said it best when commenting on Obama's reelection: "It's very hard to compete with Santa Claus."

Only this time, in reference to Weird Al, it's the gentlemen looking for mature wives that are getting the raw deal.

[Asker]

Ur smart :O

Wow I actually read that with this face on O_O

U say that girls are the ones who think its a one way street,well that's good news for me...I had the absolute opposite idea in mind,I thought giving with no return was the right thing,it is like I was creating love...but now I know that both should always give,bcoz unless you do that,the other person will take advantage of you and never respect what he/she has been given until he/she loses it...

I don't believe in marriage,but I believe..

[Asker]

..In true love...u make it sound a bit as if love should be planned and stuff,I don't agree on that...a few years ago that is what I thought,which lead me to so much heartache...I held on to something that never made me happy for a split second,only bcoz I wanted to prove everyone who said love didn't exist wrong..I thought the secret was patience,I was so wrong and that is absolutely not love,that is torture...I believe a person doesn't fall inlove FOR REAL more than once in a life time..

[Asker]

..That is IF a person is lucky enough to find that special someone...most are too busy collecting money and attending parties and drinking they think that is what life is all about,that's really sad...

Yes you are right with the first few lines you said,that is EXACTLY how I feel,like I don't know who I was back then or what I felt like,its like I was a total diff person I know nothing about,I don't know what my mentality was like...I don't know what made me feel that way...that's so true.

[ObscuredBeyond]

Love should be planned. The question is: whose plan? As I've come to find out, that plan has to come from above. If it's just hers, or just mine, or even hers and mine but not otherwise blessed, it will fail. No matter what I do, it will fail.

So for me, it's about getting a read on intent to see what is and isn't meant to be, before I venture further and become any more invested.

I guess you could say that for me, it's like the stock market. It depends on more factors than just...

[ObscuredBeyond]

...my willingness to invest. Gotta get a read to see if it's meant to be, before committing past the point of no return. And no sex until a final deal is sealed. That policy has spared me a lot of excess heartache. Instead of losing pieces of myself in someone else, I merely become disappointed when an idea I thought was a good one turns out not to be so. Still hurts, but it's fundamentally a better outcome.

[Asker]

Wow I love how you concider you are losing pieces of yourself in someone else when having sex,u give it a spirtual meaning rather than just physical like most guys and girls do nowadays...I respect that...

I just want to fall inlove with the guy who is meant to be mine like you said,but for me I do not concider givin others a try...I believe all this thinkin is not my job,when I see someone who makes my heart pound in my chest and makes me smile by just the thought of him in my head and who makes me ...

[Asker]

..."Dance like a fool forget how to breathe,shine like gold,buzz like a bee,smile like the sun,fall outa bed,sing like a bird,dizzy in my head,spin like a record crazy on a Sunday night..." Like uncle kracker says it...that's when I know I am inlove

[ObscuredBeyond]

I haven't heard much from Kracker in a long time. Should probably hit YouTube and see what's new.

[ObscuredBeyond]

Also, scientists are now finding out that "losing pieces of one's self" isn't just a spiritual reality. Foreign cells you pick up from another can actually get into your bloodstream, and linger there for years. It's now assumed that one reason mother and child are so connected is because through the placenta, some of the baby's cells end up in mom's bloodstream. And can even lodge in her brain. So for mothers, a baby getting hurt is like herself getting hurt.

[ObscuredBeyond]

It's also believed, by some, to be the reason that fathers can be so antagonistic towards daughters who date a man the father can't stand. The more she kisses or holds him, the more his cells and scent get on her. So he instinctively detects the trace presence of the man he hates, causing the subconscious to view his own daughter as a compromised tonsil.

"The two shall become one flesh" is apparently more than just a nice poetic metaphor.

[Asker]

Wow omg ...so your just saying that buy kissing this can happen and by hugging and making out and stuff or only when you have sex all the way?

[ObscuredBeyond]

It can happen through kissing, but sex significantly increases the transfer. The strong bond between a mother and child, however, is because the child transfers cells via the placenta. So pregnancy takes things up quite a few notches from even the cellular transfer that occurs during sex.

[Asker]

Ohh ...what about when you kiss a person but end up hating him and like they mean absolutely nothing to you in the end...does that mean no cells were transfered? Lol just curious...

[ObscuredBeyond]

Not necessarily. It means that whatever else happened, it overrides the physical bond. In that instance, you may still feel a physical bond. However, the physical bond that once energized you has its normal influence poisoned by the new-found lovelessness. When that happens, you feel a loss of enthusiasm for life. Because since the physical bond is still there, you feel defiled by it. Which can lead to self-loathing.

[ObscuredBeyond]

Likewise, romances re-wire your brain and alter its chemistry. Which is why even if you never got physical with a crush, their betrayal can make you sick. And the sight of them causes the brain to produce chemicals associated with them, chemicals in a recipe you've grown to despise because of the betrayal. But because the recipe is still in you, you feel defiled by it.

That's why during breakups, the desire to destroy evidence of a relationship can be extreme.

[ObscuredBeyond]

I took a college class on this stuff. Wasn't sure how often I'd ever get to actually use anything mentioned in class. But I needed the sociology credit. The extra science credit helped my grade too. Murphy's law caught up with me in audio production class a semester before that.

[Asker]

Its amazing how much you know bout this...thank you so much you really got me intrested in knowing more about this stuff...thank you!

[artfullyliving]

People are stressed because of no money no jobs electronic media is confusing, the over population is a bad scene, lack of affordable housing, diseases, cultural differences are at a high, socially people are cut off in their cars and houses, bedroom communities, the streets are vile, there is a lot of danger out there. Its wildly expensive now. Food is toxic and people are on meds and stuff. Its a mess. Nukes and wars and stuff. The air is not good.. Water is filled with junk. The ground is being messed up by petroleum tracking and benzene. The government is a bunch of crooks. Nobody can lead the country and the world doesn't have a leader at all really. etc, etc.

We are an invasive Take-Over Species in a J curve toward extinction. Sorry.

Yes, its not a good idea but sometimes we need people. Usually we do. We always do. So we all go down together. How do you want to be when it all comes down? Alone or with someone?

[Asker]

Wow...u got a special way of thinking right there...

U see I do fall inlove,I ain't heartless.and I do have faith like to the extreme,so much that I believe in fairytales and stuff lol seriously...

But the thing is,I am holding on to my faith,but at the same time I do not believe anything happening around me is real no more...its like I am holding on to my faith just to stay happy,but in reality I do not believe in anything ...

[EvilAngel114]

It is normal...especially if you were just recently hurt. You get to that point thinking you're just so sick of dating people and don't understand why people even bother with relationships and the thought of being tied down to someone is just "crazy!" Most people feel that way after a break up or being hurt, but as time goes by, you heal and somewhat recover from the pain and you'll know when you're ready to move on and date again.

[Asker]

Thank u...that really made perfect sense to me

[EvilAngel114]

You're welcome. It'll be alright :o)

[Asker]

Thx =)

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty jaded when it comes to relationships. I've been hurt so many times that I simply don't believe in relationships anymore. I'm happy for others, but I've reached this point where I can't be bothered to invest feelings, time and effort into some guy who's just going to make me feel really sh*t like all the ones before him have.

[KingsOfleon88]

That's the problem, you think every guy is the same and is either out to hurt you or that is the inevitable outcome. That's like me saying, well just because I've known a few whores out there who cheated, every single one of them will do as well, when that is simply not true because there are some great women out there, just like I'm sure some day you will meet a decent guy. It's all about having some faith.

[Asker]

I'm sorry for what uve been through...sometimes I just don't understand what heartless people really are like from the inside...I always try to give people excuses,but sometimes I'm just left with none,its disgusting how cruel some people can get...

Gdluck and stay strong ...f*** those bastards,they never deserved u...stay faithful though like the dude who commented said,u gotta keep the faith...that's what I'm doin..

[CasaNorba]

BECAUSE YOU ARE LAME YOURSELF!

lol, just kidding! but anyways, I know how you feel. but if you cut your emotions by at least half you would notice that is not that bad. you just gotta have fun and keep looking and the right one will come to you when you least expected. and if the longer he takes to show up the longer you try to have more fun out of life.

but yea, I think the main reason why relationships suck so much ass today is because people don't know how to be themselves now a days. I make post of these topics all the time and that is that maybe people don't know how to be themselves now and make their own life interesting, so they mirror everything they see in these corny shows like jersey shore, keeping up with the kardashians and all. but don't worry, just try to make a difference yourself

[Asker]

Lol O_O hahaha

Yeah...see I still fall inlove (I mean the take one-second to fall for someone) just like before,but the difference is now the feeling easily fades away once I leave the place I'm at,unlike before when it used to take me months to get over my "feelings" for people I knew nothing about...now even those who "love me so much" don't seem to leave a mark much in my heart,even though I still cry over movies like a pathetic mofo lol,but I can't do that in real life no more..

[CasaNorba]

thats normal. that just means that you are more mature now and know what the real deal is

[TheManHimself]

Most girls don't take relationship seriously, it's only the lame guys that do, girl get into relationships and act on the play just because they want to experience the emotions, but deep down girls don't really love anyone, they just want whatever enhance their life experience.

On the other dumb guys do fall in love and have big ass crushes, etc.. Not all the time of course, because if they legitimally like the girl, must likely he will act dumb around her and he won't be able to get her, unless he is mad rich and good looking.

[Asker]

Actually I'm the type who really takes it seriously that it takes decades for me to be in one...

I do not get into relationships just to exprience the emotions,I get into a relationship bcoz I feel I love somebody so much that I want to take care of him and make sure he's happy all the time...

And I would rather call such guys sincere not dumb,its a shame they're very few out there..

And the mad rich and good looking isn't my type,I like the goofy broke type ^^

[TheManHimself]

I doubt you would ever be attracted to a guy that really likes you, it may happen but it is very uncommon among girls. Usually girls fall for guys that may like her to an extend but are not completely in love,usually guys that always have the will power to leave her or find someone else. These same guys may actually like other girls but they can't get them.

[Asker]

U shouldn't be generalizing like that,its wrong..

Just as wrong as me assuming all guys are man whores just bcoz I happened to be with one for years...

Maybe most guys and girls are that shallow today,but not ALL,and definetely not me..

If anything does stop me from falling inlove with somebody who really loves me it would ONLY be my trust issues,if I am able to trust him and believe he loves me then I would literally WORSHIP him...

[TheManHimself]

You don't understand, it has nothing to do with being shallow, if a guy really likes you he is not going to be very cool, even if he is mad cool with other girls, he may not even be able to make the first move, he will say a lot of stupid sh*t, maybe things that make you believe he doesn't like you, a lot of things go wrong when a guy likes you.

On the other hand if a guy thinks you are OK but he is not totally sold on you, then he can be cute around you, make you laugh and do a lot of cool ...

[TheManHimself]

.. stuff that may lead to sex or to a relationship. It is not your fault, you have no power on this, most girls are wired to not like a guy that really likes them. It ios very easy for a girl to end up with a guy that will not respect her and vice versa.

[Asker]

Yeah now I get it...but the only reason I ended up with somebody like that was because I was young,stupid as f**,and naiive...I was young and didn't know what I was doing...wasn't experienced,back then I thought santa was real,lol jk...but ya I was real dumb,and actually he didn't have any moves at all,I just fell for him bcoz I thought he was trustworthy (again,coz I was a total retard and didn't know what trust was) ...but that can never happen again,it would take a miracle for me to trust..

[Asker]

..Another dude again...but the good thing is I believe in miracles lol...and you know how you said they're usually the type of guys who can live without you and find another? Well he has just started suffering ...after months of being apart,he is now dying to get back together,so its not that they can live without us or they can find other girls,its more that they ain't appreciating and don't know what they got until its LONG TIME GONE that's when all the weepin starts...I'm serious..

[TheManHimself]

He sounds like an immature guy just like you, you can't expext that too work just jet, maybe in teh future, you guys are obviously not ready for relationships. Guys usually find hotter women with time and move on, girls find more guys and move on it is all the same.

[Looner]

Cause most relationships are lame. Some people are lucky and have an awesome one with someone who they are very compatible with. But most can be exhausting and reqiure at least some level of sacrifice.

[Asker]

Yeah...I don't mind sacrificing..actually I have sacrificed everything including my own happiness and emotional/physical health for someone who only fell "inlove" with me after I was long gone and sick of his existence...that is if he really did after all...I think sacrificing is beautiful,but only when the other person deserves it,not when your just trying to give everything inorder to turn something in this dead life alive that was never meant to live from the 1st place...

[AshBrown]

Because only MARRIAGE is a relathionship. Yeah, let the down arrows come. Blind will stay blind.

[Asker]

MARRIAGE?! O_O yikes!

Marriage is just signing papers to prove you belong to each other which is just plain weird... O_o

Ppl can still cheat when married,so doesn't really change anything..

[AshBrown]

Cheaters are always loosers. But when you are married, you are cheating on your spouse. When you are not, who are you cheating on? Cheating on your boyfriend or girlfriend ? How will you explain that to God? You are doomed anyway.

[Asker]

lol doomed anyway? Alrighty then...

I respect your religious beliefs and all but totally disagree though..

[AshBrown]

Then I respect the fact that you were respectful in your comment. :)

But seriously... please think about it; for your own sake. No one else's.

[Asker]

Thank you :)

[MakeLoveNotWar]

I haven't been hurt or anything, but I think they're lame too lol

[Asker]

Lool yaay so I ain't the only one ^^