I'm the dumper but I need closure to move on does that make any sense?

[jakalope]

So I broke up with my boyfriend 2 and 1/2 months ago because we were just too different and we've dated for 2 years

I STILL LOVE HIM SO MUCH...and the no contact thing was too hard so I I texted and called him a few times but he ignored it all - does he hate me? did I hurt him that much?

BUT WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND is that prior to the break up I told him to not do certain things that pisses me off and pushes me to the edge...hes very VERY intrusive and always checks my phone with out my permission sometimes which I don't like but I have nothing to hide so I kinda don't care - he also always what to know what I'm up to, where I'm at, who I'm with and etc...So I expect the same in return...

A huge value difference is pot - he's a pot head and I'm NOT but I understand that's how he handles things - fine all I ask is him to tell me when, where, and who he's with before smoking and I'm cool - HE NEVER TELLS ME, I ALWAYS HAVE TO FIGURE IT OUT and it pisses me off EVERY TIME (mind you its been like this for a year) which is a MAJOR reason why I chose to brake up with him - but I still love him and told him that no matter what he'll always have a special place in my heart...

He thought we were soul mates and are meant to be - HE claims he'll change but doesn't YET he loves me and everything certainly acts like it when we were together...he thought I was the most beautiful girl ever, he loves my personality and everything...

its been 2 and a 1/2 months I don't understand why he would piss me off like that in the first place and after I dumped him he acts all pissed about it he said "thanks for fffking wasting my time"...

I fb stalked him only to find that he seems to be seeing another girl already...I am so confused and upset about it all - is this normal? like I'm the dumper shouldn't I feel happy or something? Why am I still holding on? And how can I let go? more importantly I need some closure - why did he do those stuff in the first place? if he cares about trust so much why doesn't he show the same respect and trust to me?

[vanillaz]

Hey girl.

The reason why you are feeling this way is probably because even though you are the dumper, you weren't ready to dump him. That is why you are still checking up on him and feeling upset.

You weren't ready to be single and accept big changes (like him flirting with girls)

You haven't prepared yourself.

It's like you dumped him but hope that he'd be back, that's probably why you cannot handle not contacting him. You still wanna feel connected to him.

You didn't want this to really end don't you?

In any relationship what's most important is loyalty.

When you've figured where, when and who's he's with, did he let you down?

Sometimes you do not have to expect the same in return.

A guy is more protective about his girl.

Thats why he's asking you where you are and who you're with - out of concern for your safety.

By asking him where is he, who is he with and what is he doing before smoking kinda hurts his pride. He's a grown man, he's probably off smoking with his friend. What would his friends think if he has to reply to his girlfriend the location and who he is with before lighting the stick? Constantly asking him, and trying to get a reply and figuring it out where and who is he with is both tiring for both you and him. He needs you to trust him. He'll be upset when you don't trust him. And when he checks your phone, he is probably feeling insecure, because you do not trust him. It's an annoying cycle, why not ditch all that in your next relationship or when you're back with him? When he ask where and what are you doing? Reply, and ask him back. If he replies, good, if he doesn't then he's busy. These are all small details. In any relationship, it either goes on or it ends. Don't let the little things and issues ruin your relationship.

The next time, before you get angry, ask yourself if you voice it out will you be risking your relationship?

Soul mates or not, does it still matter? If it does, do something. If it doesn't move on.

They said time will tell and time will heal.

You control your own time.

Set a deadline, and on the deadline you should feel nothing.

Wake up and move on.

[Anonymous]

It's hard to feel bad for the dumper, but I guess this saying suffices for both parties. "Be careful what you wish for." He may be seeing someone else now but that doesn't mean he will care for her as much as he cared for you. If you want him back, do everything you can since you let him free. If you don't know or the answer is no, just move forward. Exercise helps the body and mind.

[Anonymous]

it makes snese becasue you still had a relationship with him even if you dumped him just try to do stuff that will take your mind off of it.

[Anonymous]

yes, it does make sense, it is not like your feelings just go away because you broke up with him

[Amanda2]

You live and you learn I guess

[Anonymous]

it makes sense, just try to move on