Boyfriend says he wants 'more experience'

[stephyyxo]

Okay so I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now, we have known each other for 4 years though. Our relationship has always been great, we've had our ups and downs but nothing really big has ever happened. Recently, my boyfriend had came out and told me that he feels like he can't be with one sexual partner for the rest of his life (I'm his first) and that he wants more experience...also he said he feels he is not the right guy for me. We talked it out and are trying to find a solution but I honestly don't know what to do and feel like I will totally ruin this relationship. Any advice or comment is appreciated but no disrespect please.

[rocksongwriter]

"Our relationship has always been great, we've had our ups and downs but nothing really big has ever happened"

This new development is pretty big.

Probably "break up" big.

He wants to have sex with different women, multiple different women. I'm guessing this is not what you want and there's also no middle ground here. So you two will have to split.

"also he said he feels he is not the right guy for me."

I think he's saying he wants to break up with you (which would be phase one of his plan of having sex with multiple different women), but he wants to be nice about the break up and he doesn't want to hurt you, so he's laying the foundation for a future break up by saying things like this to kind of prepare you for when the break up does happen.

[stephyyxo]

Well he's always been more open than me, and since dating him I've grown to be more open too, but yeah I'm not comfortable with the thought of him sleeping with other women. I've considered maybe making our relationship more open, but I have some jealousy issues and feel like it would totally just break us...

Thank you for the answer :)

[rocksongwriter]

Remember: there are plenty of guys who would be willing to commit to a monogamous relationship with you!

Good luck.

[stephyyxo]

thats true, thank you :)

[blackkid4]

Call him on it; I don't think the boy means what he says. So let him go and tell him if he makes that choice to never return. Then tell him to take a day and really think about it before he speaks on the matter. If he should attempt to return reject him violently and enforce your autonomy; this line is used by kids who think that they can run around on whomever saying "I don't think ..." and then two months later after the sh*t hits the fan plays the prodigal child and returns, sad and bruised, hoping that you just "forget it all" and realize how much of a fool they were.

Ah, youth.

[rocksongwriter]

I agree, especially with the second half. I think he wants to split with her, but I can totally see him coming back to her with his tail between his legs when his plan blows up in his face. However, if he does come back to her, he will either leave her again in the future, or cheat on her after they get back together. In other words, if he leaves and comes back, and she takes him back, that won't stop him from pursuing his objective of having sex with otrher women.

[stephyyxo]

Well I've been in this position before kind of, so if we ever did break up there's no way I'd take him back

[blackkid4]

So you've been here before, eh? Then just let him go.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the other answerers. It's one thing for him to want to sleep around, but it's another to add on that he "feels he isn't the right guy" for you. It really does sound like he wants to break up but is too big of a puss to do it : /

[stephyyxo]

Yeah I know :/ and today he's saying that he's just saying this stuff because my 'attitude' towards our sex live makes him feel unwanted and replusive... and that he just mentioned getting sex elsewhere cause he wants to feel wanted...which I totally don't understand because I am so affectionate towards him and I totally make him feel wanted...

[Opinion Owner]

Sometimes I feel that way about my boyfriend...that whatever I do to make him feel loved and wanted , he's still going to feel insecure about himself. If it's to the point where he's hurting you, it may very well be best to end it. Even if he didn't mean it, he was still saying it to be hurtful and that's not cool.

[stephyyxo]

yeah exactly

thank you :)

[Opinion Owner]

You're welcome : )

[Anonymous]

i would break up with a boy immidiately if he tells me something like this, and I don't understand why people have such problem wanting to have more sexual partners..

[madhatters4]

unfortunately what he is saying has little to do with you and everything to do with him. he is saying that he wants different sexual experiences. maybe he believes there is some sexual mecca he is goign to stumble upon but it just sounds like for him the relationship has run its course.

I don't think there is a ton you can do. I think a lot of guys and some girls go through this (which is unfortunate). After their first experience becomes a bit routine they feel as though they need more (or better said different) experiences.

you could ask him what it is he hopes to come across in other experiences or if there is a specfic experience he is looking for but be prepared for him to have already mentally checked out. It may be hard but utlimately it isn't your fault

[stephyyxo]

yeah I know :/

[madhatters4]

it's his loss and he'll probably realize it. people can be stupid and believe that the grass is greener not realizing they are standing gold. unfortunately the only thing you can do is sort of let him go out and realize how naive he is being and how much he is taking his relationship for granted...it's one thing to feel like a relationship isn't working but the idea that some fantasy like sex is rigth around teh corner is naive. his loss

[imjustadude]

You're as cute as a button. He is being stupid.

[imjustadude]

It probably isn't just about sex either. That may just be a scapegoat. The key statement he made was "the rest of his life". He just wants to try more flavors of ice cream and doesn't want to commit, although he is a fool if he thinks it is ever going to get that much better than you. Youth is wasted on the ignorant.

[stephyyxo]

awe thank you lol xD and well I don't know he's always trying to convince me into bringing someone else into the bedroom, I think I wouldn't mind but then again I might get jealous...but yeah the grass isn't always greener on the other side ;)

[imjustadude]

He must really have some skills if he thinks he is going to get another hottie like you in the bedroom at the same time. If she isn't as hot as you then what is the point? I think he is living in fantasy land. You would suffer emotional scars for the rest of your relationship if he did do a threesome unless you were into girls too or something.

[stephyyxo]

Well see that's the thing I've always been a little bi curious ha ha ;) but he's trying to use it to his advantage but in a very selfish way :/ and yeah his expectations are a little high sometimes and I feel like I'm always busting my ass to try to please him :/

[imjustadude]

I think every guy may want a harem of girls having sex with him at some point in time, but it probably isn't the best thing for a relationship, and it seems like it would be the last straw in yours.

What if he got the other girl pregnant? What if she had a disease? What if he really wanted to be with her instead of you? What if she was just using you both?

[imjustadude]

I can understand why you might be bi curious. At least you know you have a better chance of orgasm with another girl. A guy may just come and quit. Your guys sounds like one of those guys.

[stephyyxo]

Yeah exactly those questions are always on my mind. Honestly though sex shouldn't be the tie breaker in the relationship. He told me if I can 'improve' our sex lives he'll get over it. But to me our sex lives are great, what more could he want?

[stephyyxo]

And yeah like to me it seems like a woman would understand me better emotionally AND sexually lmao but I wouldn't know because I haven't tried it ;)

[imjustadude]

I wish I was your lesbian lover.

[stephyyxo]

lol! ;)