Its been 3 years ago, the time I had been in the rehab.
Those times, I've got really depressed, I dont deserve to be in the rehab, but I think I should've been worst and put on a mental hospital. But I've been put to be there.
In the rehab
Its so painful to accept that a drug addict did take care of me that time, instead of my parents and family negligence to take care of me when I'm in my weakest point they leave me there to the hands of a drug addict.
That drug addict girl, volunteer to stay in the rehab to be cured as well. But she did took care of me.
What has depression does to me
I've got a really bad attitude, when Im mad Im completely a different scary monstrous person, but I've tried to cure it, with just crying alone. Instead of hating everyone else. I've tried to hold onto my own problems that leads me to depression and out of control with my mind and body.
Its so deep that I've became crazy person for 3 days. My will is strong that helps me cure myself in the rehab for 3 days.
Cure Period
After the rehab. I've been sent back home, but It did take time to get back to my normal self easily. I've got slowmo movements, because of the medicine I was taking, and I my response to people talking also been slowmo, I can't talk easily, most of the time, I'm just listening to peoples around me. It takes me months to stop talking with myself in my mind. I'm cured as not a crazy person, but I tried to stop that habit of talking with myself... I've tried to understand that ,I tried to make stuff and believe it my own self. in my curing process You have to stop believing in things you're mind has made
My psychiatrist is so damn stupid. Her advice to me is she just tell me and my parents that I just need sleep and eat. I think she saw me as an object a scientific biological object. Although I've still thank her she doesn't tell anything to my parents. I've figure out whats wrong with me lately this year, I've tried to research in net, I think she knows that my body excrete to much adrenaline,(thats what those psycho-doctor thinks that it's all science) But I know that Im the one who also made a way also for cure. medicine do help, but its more on emotional and spiritual problems. I tried to be positive in some way and remove all the hatred I had in mind.
After months, my parents send me to school back and start taking college, My parents are too controlling, I want to study multimedia, but I was forced to take Information Technology, I have no choice. I hated it, but I'm still weak that time to cure myself.
IN SCHOOL
I've meet some friends... Im like a dead kido in school, as I talk less,, they help me in the curing process... because of them I've fully recover to my normal lively person as I am. I can joke around again... and be fun... around
THE TRAUMA
This is the hardest part to recover, I've back to my lively normal person as I am, but when I remember the pain that I remember that freaking story of me, I've get miserable. Those trauma does affect me with my personality. I've got anger management issue. In school I've been stressed out because of projects and my groupmates, I can't be stressed, so I tried to get it out by shouting to them. showing that monstrous side of me,.. I can't be stressed, it just brought back the pain I'm feeling the days that I felt so miserable.. Everytime I've get mad, I'd become worster, I'd tried to hurt myself to cure that pain I had been in my past... One time that happen, I'd left home for 2 days because of too much madness in me... I can't control myself to that point of going back to that person crying alone and having my hopes back. I'm so much miserable person when I'm stressed and depressed. But thats the way, I cure the traumas.. I've let it all out. so I won't do anything stupid with myself again.
"I have no time to invest hatred"
My past is so painful for me to invest another hatred in my life. all I have is to forget those trauma and calm myself back to my normal self. I do stupid things to block myself from the trauma, but at the same time. I can't help myself to remember the past I've been with.. All those hatred, all those pain, I can just let them go to finally get over the cure. after 4 years in college, I finally got over the pain,.
I help myself to let go, be more calm, be more acceptful. Be more nice. let go of the hatred. I became more of a person, I had more patience, and more wide mind. I dont want to hate anymore. But to a person who's going through depression, please dont cry alone.
You stop hating, thats why you solve it with cry issues, thats when depression comes, my advice is to help yourself. Dont let yourself cry in the corner, help yourself to still be positive and find a good solution. Let it out somewhere, dont do something stupid. Still find that good person inside because thats the only cure to let go of the pain.
THE MEMORIES
The memories still somewhat painful for me to remember. I could have hate my parents more, when they left me in the rehab with that drug addict who take care of me. But what I can do better today is to show my parents how I got better I am right now, than to show them that miserable person I was yesterday. I can just keep the hatred, but it somehow inspires me. When I remember those painful past I had, I just think of it like a challenge. when I finally get through college and will graduate, I'll show my parents how I got better, they ruined my youth moments. But I manage to cure and become better without their help.
I still should have hated them but I didn't. Cause hating them just gives the pain back in my memories. I tried to love them and those memories just make me pity my old self... I wished that it never happened to me,I wished I never bring them troubles. at the first place, im the one that make them troubles. I give them pain in the back. I deserve to be in the rehab. I had no strength, I am so weak.
If I could be better I am right now, they will be proud of me, even I had a painful past. I've gotten through my worst. And no ever challenge will make me get worster than that.
Im not made to be miserable, I am better I am now, and I can show them that. If I make my life nice. had my own family, I can repay them all those pain they gave in me. If I became a nice parents they can't become. at least I make it through myself. I think thats the best pay back I can have give them.
instead of hating, why just show love and be better.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
you can get over it, I've been depressed and the only thing i did to get over it was believe that i could be happy and start trying to see the positive in everything... i know thats hard when you're depressed but thats what you do