Search Results: crying for no reason

I'm a hot head, But hear me out please,
I had an unstable and abusive upbringing, so that's why I'm a hot headed woman. I'm not violent, I used to be when I was a child but I went to therapy and got exposed to a more peaceful environment as I grew to became a teenager and a young adult so I do not throw things, hit people or become physically abusive in any way.

But I do get upset easily and I raise my voice if I get provoked and defend myself verbally. The reason why I yell when I'm provoked is because it's a way to avoid crying instead, I cover up hurt and sadness through anger, because otherwise I would instead break down and cry in front of people who provoke me or hurt me and I no longer want to do that anymore because I have noticed that when I do cry in situations like that I get taken advantage of, laughed at and I never get taken seriously at all.

But it's a deep rooted habit now, if I find myself in heated debates, disagreements or if I'm hurt by someone verbally I usually express anger and I raise my voice and verbally defend myself. Then I storm off angrily to cry about the situation in secret, I calm down very quickly and then feel absolutely terrible afterwards. Then I come to my senses and then I do my absolute best to resolve things fairly and reasonably, I mean well overall, I am not a hater and I never ever want to hurt anyone in any way. Now I think I'm going to end up alone and single because I'm hot headed woman... So would you get into a relationship with a hot headed woman, like me or no?

Things were going well with this guy, until a particular day. It was a formal work event (we work at a school), and we'd agreed to attend it together and especially be with this one student whose parents usually don't show up to events. We'd talked about taking the family photo together and being there for the kid. But, when the day came, a hundred emotions and thoughts flooded over me, including this being my last day with the kids, and I didn't go to him. He'd also texted me asking where I was, and I didn't notice till later. After all the speeches, I was crying and went to the ladies room to clean up before seeing him. But when I got back, he was gone. I found him at his work desk, working. We exchanged very few words. Eventually, he went home. The other day, I dug deep into why I'd acted that way, and I figured out it links back to my childhood- my dad left. On grad day, I had this image in my head of my crush, the kid and I taking pictures together. But the kid's trashy dad showed up unexpectedly. I think this was one reason I avoided my crush- our plans to take the family photo together was destroyed. A few days ago, before I started reflecting on all this, I tried to ask him out but he said he just started seeing someone. At first I confessed my feelings via text and then tried to say goodbye, but he asked to stay friends. I said no. Later I changed my mind and apologized for being dramatic, because he's work partners with one of my mentors since high school, and I don't want my issues to affect their partnership. He said we were cool. Two nights ago, I watched a movie he would also like, so I texted him about it as an attempt to smooth things out as friends, since we used to talk about movies. He isn't replying. I don't know if I should give him space or talk to him about graduation day. All I know is we can't move forward in any direction if he's still upset. If we were to never see each other again, this wouldn't be so bad but we probably will.