Search Results: controlling boyfriend girlfriend

So, I'm quite sensitive when it comes to touch & my boyfriend of more than 2 years is more on the other end of the spectrum. When he's sober, we arrange this well & are both happy, except for the occasional reminder for him to not break my neck when bear hugging me.

I want to clarify, he is a very kind soul, just clumsy, so it's always good intentions from him! But sometimes he accidently hurts me, which annoys me if it's too frequent & that's case when he's drunk. The more drunk/drugged, the worse it gets, as you simply loose control over your body. He tries super hard to give me my space & be veeery careful touching me then, but it's just not working. I'm kind of conditioned at this point that when he comes close to me drunk, he'll likely step on my foot/squeeze me too hard/poke his nose in my eye/get his fingers stuck in my hair, so I tense up as soon as he comes near me in that state. The worst part is that he's especially vulnerable & affectionate when drunk, but I just have to defend my space & tell him off & he can tell I'm not fond of him, which hurts him a lot.

I tried to avoid his drunk/drugged persona (he knows all of this, we communicate about it), but I also don't wanna miss all fun evenings with our friends. Moreover, it's a part of him (which he does not want to give up in this part of his life) and so I sometimes want to be with him in that state too. But it often ends in him being hurt & in a bad mood the next day, trying to recover from the rejections of the previous night and then he's the one needing his space, so I can't hug or kiss him to show him affection then, or to say sorry.

I know the most obvious solution is for me to avoid him in that state. But I wonder if anyone else made such experiences & whether you think this makes us a bad match/myself kind of a bad girlfriend, at least for him, that I can't deal with this? It hurts me a lot to hurt him and I hate myself in those moments for being so mean, I just don't know another way.

Last summer my "boyfriend" made a joke about my weight. He apologized and claimed he loves and accepts me. This summer, a few days ago, he made a comment about how I'm eating on webcam. Then today I said I wanted to order wings and pizza or burgers and he suggests that I order a chicken salad. So I'm convinced he doesn't want me as a girlfriend and gets upset when I suggest that we break up. Or maybe he wants me to break up with him.

Obviously both are liars and scams, using deception to get what they want. Though would say you baby-trapping a man is worse than strining along (giving them false promises of marriage and kids) women?

Male method: He's been living with his girlfriend for 8 years and he already knows from the longest that he won't ever marry her. Yet he doesn't see the relationship as that bad, just that he sees her as a good girlfriend but not enough to be a wife. So he keeps with sweet talks and false hopes. The woman continues believing him but gets depressed the relationship isn't progressing. She's not happy. Or he proposes with a cheaper ring and keeps her as a fiancee just to give her false hope and keep her from leaving but never plans a wedding date. By wasting her time, he's taking away her fertile years.

Female method: She's been living her with boyfriend for some years but is fed up with the situation. So she elaborates a plan to pretend to be on birth control or secretly sabotage it. Sometimes the woman already knows the guy isn't the type to bail out and is against abortion or she does this to someone that believes a child should be raised with marriage. Knowing that, she got what she wanted; a short-cut to a proposal and then marriage. She might even take that secret to the grave. The man ends up believing the birth of his child as an accident or miracle from god if he's religious.

This is how a baby-trapping (this woman got marriage out of that deception and the man never found out) story looks like:

https://www.city-data.com/forum/relationships/3427335-my-20-year-old-lie-secret.html#google_vignette

Both were about satisfying their own desires and needs; selfishness. Even though both are doing despicable acts (deception is already bad), would you say baby-trapping is worse? The reason I think it's worse is because an innocent baby (a small, living human) is used as part of the deception, scam. I think that's worse than even using someone for sex or money.