I triggered my girlfriend’s eating disorder and I feel like a terrible boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend is 21. I’m a year younger, and I have realized I have been neglecting her. Whenever she would try and talk to me about her day, or her problems, I would ignore her and talk about games I was excited to play. I know it’s wrong, but sometimes I just can’t control it. She has had an eating disorder (anorexia) for a year, and she was in recovery. I was helping her a lot along with therapy and other things, but last night things escalated quickly.

I came back from work late and when she tried to talk to me about how much she missed me, I completely ignored her to talk about the new GTA game. It was stupid, but I can’t control myself. She got so upset she had a meltdown, and later that night I found out she binged all sweets we have in the house and forced herself to throw up.

She’s so upset she can’t eat and when she does she throws up.

I feel terrible to have triggered her disorder this way and I have no idea what to do. I don’t know what I can do to give her more attention cause I feel like I ruined my relationship because I neglected her. What do I do to save it?

[AaronKrieger]

What do you mean that you can't control yourself?

if it is out of your control, then I think you shouldn't date her. You clearly cannot meet her needs and need to work on yourself. This being out of your control would mean it'd take a lot of time to improve.

If this is actually in your control, then change in order to stop being very toxic. It's a choice to do this.

By the way, when I mean by control is that it can be improved through either breaking habits, therapy, or anything like that. If it is due to a condition you have through how you were born or a brain injury, then that is something out of your control. That means it could improve in time maybe, but it takes longer.

[slatyb]

You were selfish and uncaring, but her eating disorder is her problem. If she's using it to control you by making you feel guilty, that's emotional blackmai. I hope she's getting professional help. You should keep sweets out of your home

Relationship counseling could help if you can afford it. You need to learn to communicate your needs and desires to each other in a productive way.

[bededazzle]

i mean, just try to listen to her a bit more, but i don't think you really neglected her based on what you shared. talk to her and ask her what she needs