Search Results: saying no to a guy

I met a guy named Brad back in Nov 2023. We were dating long distance until March-June when we began living together and got engaged in May. I was in school at the time and got dismissed, so when my family found out, they sent my sister to move me back home. My sister met Brad for the first time because I hadn't told them I was with anyone until then. She immediately didn't like him because he doesn't make much money and his house looked very run down. She basically said I had no choice but to come home because my mom wasn't doing well, and we all left the same day so Brad could meet my family. Me and Brad promised each other I would leave that day to be with him.

While I watched him interact with my family and heard their concerns, i thought it would be best for me to be at home for the time being since my mom just got a pacemaker placed and needed me to care for her. Brad threatened to end the relationship then, but decided later that he will wait because my family said they'd throw a small party and I'd move in back with him after that in Sept. He kept saying how me staying with family wasn't right the whole time, and how he didn't want to do the party anymore. I did not know what to do because we all agreed that the party was fine.

Now, it's been a day that he blocked my number and Instagram so there's no way for me to contact him. I do want to be with him in marriage because I care about him and don't understand why he can't do the party. Everyone is telling me varied things but do you think I did the right thing by staying with family and waiting for the party? Or do you think I should've just left to be with him by now? I thought what my family was doing was fair considering that me and brad are from different cultures and he didn't ask for my hand in marriage prior to the engagement either. Plus I had gotten dismissed from my program so I needed time to figure out a new career path too.

So probably some if you are gonna say “hey yeah women ask me out awesome 😃 I don’t have to do anything…”

They just come up to me. Let’s gooooo 🥳 but.. that is not how it works.

You may like someone. You may be uncertain if they like you. They may be really shy. They may take a long time to get to asking you out. They may play games. They may assume you don’t like them…You.. may be in limbo for months. & yeah, you can just move on but___how often have you REALLY been interested in someone and then just said OK I’ll just move on because you know, ‘they’re not saying anything’🫤

It’s normal and healthy to go after what you want within reason. and even if you have someone out and they say no, there’s a satisfaction in that there’s dignity and knowing that you made an effort, you did what you could you tried your best and now you haven’t answer and you can move on and get on with your life.

That is an entirely different feeling to just kind of waiting around and seeing nothing really happening. You’re not sure but you’re pretty sure.. it’s almost like you’re pretty much sure…finally you just kind of fade off into the future, without closure, Knowing you did nothing.

Maybe your dream girl will ask you out. Maybe she’ll do it fast, maybe not 🤷🏻‍♀️ the point is you relinquish agency to her.

Getting a yes, is absolutely the best thing but no is a very close. Second nothing or confusion is the absolute worst.

So I’m not asking you how would you enjoy being asked out—I’m saying how would you feel if it was socially unacceptable for you to ask women out. That maybe they will, maybe they won’t but you can’t do anything on your own or you can but then people will think you’re a loser and women won't date you because they think you’re weak or Desperate bc you ashes them out.

How would you feel in the situation? Try to be honest. You might like it but think about it realistically… the pros, the cons etc and tell me how you feel.

Thank you.