Search Results: guy uses excuses

I've known this one guy since HS, I was a freshman & he was a junior (14 years ago). We went to neighbor high schools but were friends on FB. We were really close or so I felt. He was there for me for my first heartbreak my senior year. During that relationship he confessed his feelings for me. After I graduated we hung out a few times at his place never even kissed but we would cuddle. I liked what we had bc I was afraid if we got into a relationship & we didn't workout then I would lose him as a friend too. He meant a lot to me. 3 years passed & I got into another relationship, this one was toxic & I couldnt talk to him much but when my ex & I got into fights I would reach out to him again. I spent the night at his place once too again nothing happened. Then when I was 2 months pregnant I was in a domestic violence situation with my ex & I had nowhere to go so I reached out to him to stay at his place but this time he said no. he was very cold with me. I was so hurt I removed him from socials and didn't speak to him for years. Another 3 years passed & I moved an hour away. He reached out to me wanting to know about my life & if BD was in the picture. He is not. This time he was in a 2y long relationship. I told him I was hurt because he didn't help me when I needed him. he said it was because he was mad at me for being with someone else & having their baby. I mentioned to him I was moving out of state soon so he suggested we meet one last time & said he could drive the hour to me. I said no & used the excuse that we were still freshly into the pandemic. He added me on social media again & then about a year later removed me. I don't know why. So I messaged him & asked if what I posted had offended him, he said no & that was it. But actually it wasn't I figured since that was the end of our friendship I told him I had had feelings for him previously & the reason I never spoke up about it, that I also felt he was all wishy washy with me. (Continued below)

I find it so frustrating to live in a world where saying want you do not mean is expected to the point where being direct su “weird” and being honest is invariably misconstrued.

It is not as if I do not have sense of humor, I can joke etc (sometimes it is difficult for me to distinguish between sarcasm and bluntness coming from others, tho I think this may have more to do with people using jokes to say what they actually mean…)

Anyhow, if I’m communicating, I have no reason to not be direct and while I know some people try to gain leverage by not being direct, I just do not understand why other people go along with games to the point where it is cultural default. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just to be clear, I am not referring to being an a hole- using honesty as an excuse. Being direct doesn’t mean you say everything in your head. You can say you do not want to talk about something or just say nothing. Being direct just mean not using language to jerk people around in my opinion.

🙄 WHY IS THIS AUTOMATICALLY PUT IN “GUYS BEHAVIOR” I’m not a dude. 👀

29F and I can’t help but feel like I must want a relationship if I tend to go periods where I install and uninstall the apps. Oddly enough, I feel like my experience with the types of guys I’ve encountered on these apps has kind of improved compared to in my early twenties, as in I tend to attract at least physically the kind of guys I’d actually consider. I look the same compared to back then but now I also feel like I can vet out who’s messing around earlier on & end it right away, the apps are still garbage but I think it’s more a matter of how I’ve changed too. So…I think I’m attracted to them based off their profile & I haven’t been catfished but a lot of the time, I end up not liking them. There’s been cases where yes it’s 50/50 and it’s mutual on both ends regarding lack of interest. I just have this expectation of them when meeting and don’t have a desire to see them again. And when we’re at the point where it’s close to meeting in person and they initiate, I chicken out or try to find an excuse. It’s a combination of apathy + feeling like eh it’s not gonna work so just let it slow fade. I just know I’ll be disappointed & being as old as I am without a LTR, it seems kind of not worth pursuing at this point. Ever since I was in my teens I’ve just never understood the desire to be boy crazy or just consumed with boys like every other girl I knew, this indifference has been lingering since but this gnawing pressure is also at the back of my mind to try in case of FOMO. Does that make sense? This applies sexually too, a lot of people wanted to experiment & fuck around but I have no desire to be sexually active/self pleasure. But I always wonder if this right person that everyone talks about will change that for me…I’m so conflicted.