Search Results: she was raised not to show her love

For me that feels like it is the case despite being one and the same body. Basically it goes like this.

Me: I love girls, they are so nice.

Brain: They want your money!

Me: Shut up brain! It's not true and you know it.

Brain: It's not my fault you kept watching so many gold digger videos. I am reflecting what you were doing.

Me: (raises both palms before my head) OK, fair enough, there's no denying in that. But please enough is enough already. Besides there were girls, who weren't impressed by expensive cars and gifts and they kept being with the same guy.

Brain: Hah! We'll see about that. Get a girlfriend and prove me wrong. Then maybe I will give it a rest.

Me: 😓 If only it was so easy and you're driving a hard bargain.

Brain: It's a fair deal. Just think about it and get motivated. Show me they're not interested in your money and i will reconsider what I'll give you as random thoughts.

So yeah, obviously i will not tell girls nor a girlfriend, that this is what goes on in my head. It will scare them away, they'll think, that i think, that they are gold diggers and that will just make them fume of anger and it's generally not nice to hear about it. I'm better than that. Unless she's really open minded, understanding, very curious and/or a psychotherapist. I'm probably a bit crazy but aren't we all?

my mom was and still is a pretty toxic person. she divorced my dad when I was 3 and took me away from him and then decided to poisoned my head by telling me that it was his fault, that supposedly he never loved me and left me for her to raise me on her own.

I dont even know where to start on all the things she used to do to me while growing up. she used to

• take out all of her everyday stress and frustration out on me
• she used to scorn me whenever I stood up for myself
• always compared/contrast me with my cousins and kids of her friends who supposedly did things better than I did
• limit my friends
• limit my hobbies
• used to take off and leave me behind with relatives and other friends of hers

but it obviously couldnt just end there, as I got older she used to

• treat me like I always her husband
• was obligated to get a job and help out with spending (even though my stepdad made enough)
• pressure me to move out and "get out of her life" literally on a daily basis
• always looked for an excuse to pick fights with me and then acted like a victim when I would retaliate

and the list goes on. After High School I've become a toxic cunt magnet myself, in fact I have 2 older brothers who were in and out of toxic relationships as I grew up. I used to watch them go through all that hell that I promised myself that I will stay single because I dont want to be like them. but again whenever I break this promise the women I show interest or show interest in me always end up showing their true colors later on and end up repulsing to me.

till then I was always told that us humans will always be bound to attract or be attracted to people like our parents. Celebrities like Eminem are a prime example of this as well. so I was wondering should we children of toxic parents just remain single forever? is this our only antidote for peace?