Search Results: do guys back off

29F and I can’t help but feel like I must want a relationship if I tend to go periods where I install and uninstall the apps. Oddly enough, I feel like my experience with the types of guys I’ve encountered on these apps has kind of improved compared to in my early twenties, as in I tend to attract at least physically the kind of guys I’d actually consider. I look the same compared to back then but now I also feel like I can vet out who’s messing around earlier on & end it right away, the apps are still garbage but I think it’s more a matter of how I’ve changed too. So…I think I’m attracted to them based off their profile & I haven’t been catfished but a lot of the time, I end up not liking them. There’s been cases where yes it’s 50/50 and it’s mutual on both ends regarding lack of interest. I just have this expectation of them when meeting and don’t have a desire to see them again. And when we’re at the point where it’s close to meeting in person and they initiate, I chicken out or try to find an excuse. It’s a combination of apathy + feeling like eh it’s not gonna work so just let it slow fade. I just know I’ll be disappointed & being as old as I am without a LTR, it seems kind of not worth pursuing at this point. Ever since I was in my teens I’ve just never understood the desire to be boy crazy or just consumed with boys like every other girl I knew, this indifference has been lingering since but this gnawing pressure is also at the back of my mind to try in case of FOMO. Does that make sense? This applies sexually too, a lot of people wanted to experiment & fuck around but I have no desire to be sexually active/self pleasure. But I always wonder if this right person that everyone talks about will change that for me…I’m so conflicted.

I met a really nice guy on the train coming back from the Edinburgh fringe on Wednesday , we talked for the whole hour and made each other giggle the whole way, we had so much in common i swear he was my twin. When it came to his stop i literally had to get him to go and when he walked past i felt him staring. Even at the door i felt he didn't want to get off. he's not my usual type with a beard but then maybe im becoming more fluent as i get older. We didn't swap any name or social s but we know where we both live and he said what his job is etc i said when he got off he could find me online if he tried hard enough, I've tried to find him but its proving difficult. Can't seem to stop thinking about him its crazy