Search Results: being friends again

I'm hurting right now and very upset. My suspicious were confirmed just 2 days ago when my husband left his FB messenger open. It was messages between him and my SIL (sister-in-law). He admitted to her that he always loved his ex girlfriend Olivia from his much younger years. They met as 9 year-olds playmates, then dated for a short time in their Sophomore year of HS, she broke up the next year and met someone else.

The woman is married but still has him on his FB contact list as friends. He admitted to my SIL that he still loves her more than me. He loves me but I'm not really his first option. He would've wanted to have kids with her. He also said it was true what he once told me while drunk when we were just dating. Then this was the hurting part for me, the SIL asked if he would leave me if Olivia were to get divorced now and she reciprocated his feelings and he reply was a ''Yes, unfortunately I would leave (my name) but that'll never happen. I have to accept being in Olivia's forever friendzone''.

Flashback to the time we were just boyfriend and girlfriend:

We were drinking and while making love, he called me by her name. He literally said ''Oh Olivia, I love you... yeah''. Then tried to fix it right away when I got upset immediately. He called it a stupid drunken mistake and how we would never get drunk like that ever again and even reconfirmed me a bunch of times that he got over her already. I stupidly believed him.

Is this fair? We have a 7 year-old son and he's still obsessing over her? He never got over her and just got with me as second best.

I met him in high school. I had a crush and we were friends but he didn’t seem interested. Then suddenly, randomly one day he did, I don't know what happened. He invited me to his prom, he was super chivalrous. We went on a few dates (this started towards the end of us being in high school and carried on into the first year of being in college) he treated me well but I didn’t feel a spark. He paid for our food or whatever we did, and I enjoyed his company but didn’t see it going anywhere. I didn’t wanna hurt his feelings but I couldn’t keep seeing him, especially with him paying I wouldn’t wanna take advantage of him. Anyways I got to the point I just made excuses when he asked to do something cause I was afraid to hurt his feelings even though I probably did regardless. Eventually he stopped messaging me and we haven’t talked since. I’m s few years wiser now. I can look back and see he treated me MUCH better than the guys I’ve been with since. I knew at the time he was such a good guy and I was so mad at myself for not being in love with him, I should be. Any girl would be lucky to be with him. Anyways, I wanna reach out and at least apologize and maybe give it a another chance, if he would even give me the time of day. I’m nervous too though, and I’m nervous to give it another shot and still just not feel any thing and potentially hurt him again, although this time around I would give him an explanation instead of just ghosting. Should I give it a shot or leave it alien?