Search Results: being honest in a relationship

I spent 2 years with a guy who initially said he didn’t want a relationship, but we eventually fell in love. He treated me like his girlfriend—introducing me to friends and family, celebrating birthdays with surprises, traveling together, being deeply intimate, and talking every day. He listened to my problems and helped me through tough times. I truly believed we had something real, and from the outside, it seemed like the perfect relationship.

But over time, he started pulling away, prioritizing friends and family over me. He bluntly told me, “I won’t marry you,” and then left for Iraq, saying he’d been honest from the start about going back to his country. When I asked about trying long-distance, he called me a burden, criticized me for my family issues, and even said he had to tell me what to do about a cockroach in my condo. He claimed I should have understood when he said he wouldn’t marry me. I begged him to reconsider, but he quickly moved on, even saying we could still be “friends on Facebook.”

He’s already back on dating apps, seemingly unaffected by our breakup. Now I’m wondering—was I being used? Was I wrong to think we had something real? What kind of person moves on so easily?

So I was kicked out of a group for exposing a man and people felt that I was “bitter” and called me “crazy” for speaking my truth on this man. It was a very invalidating experience.

Let me be clear on why I’m exposing him…

1. He did not respect my boundaries when it came to having sex and ended trying to use manipulation. I made it clear to him before we exchanged numbers that I wasn’t in a space to have sex or be in a relationship. He kind of wanted to know why etc and he wasn’t pushy.. but he said things he felt I NEEDED to hear… and at first I’m thinking wow maybe he is genuine and understanding. Looking back it was hard to see his “coercive behavior…” to get what he wanted and wanted to gain my trust. Even saying how can I make you feel safe

2. Subtle changes in behavior after telling him that I wanted to take things slow with him and gaslighting.. I did end up liking him and when I said that… that’s when it started taking hours for him to respond and then it went to days… only to get a “sorry really busy”…. But it kept happening and I confronted him and he tried to say that I needed to “heal”….. but it was strange behavior coming from a man who was trying to make me feel “safe” initially…

3. Disrespect… (devalue/discard) everything was cool on the date at first but then he became disrespectful and rude… he started asking when I last had sex, dildos, negging behavior and some insults.

4. Not being honest about his real name even on the date.. I asked him if “Craig” was his real name and he said yes… I get you want to protect yourself but he really did not want to tell me his name and seemed annoyed when I asked. It was very fishy

5. After the “date” i tried finding a “gf”…. Bc i felt like he was talking to someone.. he has no social media presence and keeps things private

6. He is possibly bisexual or closeted based on some things I found

I recently entered the talking phase with t 29 and he’s very much his way or the highway type of man and very rarely is open to other opinions I myself am 23 and if I had to be put into a category I would say I’m head strong and similar to the my way or the highway type of thinking so we’ve been butting heads a lot we said are hard limits and what we both want out of this relationship one of the tougher conversations was we both can hold a conversation with just about anybody which is fine just the boundaries were crossed it was stated that we do not entertain people the way we do with each other I was honest and told him I didn’t and he said the same thing yet today I heard a woman say “you were saying tell me you love me on the phone” which for a lot of reasons made me upset I’m not a very over emotional person but my feelings were hurt and he chose to ignore that and call me out about the way I talk to people instead of asking why I was having that reaction I was overthinking so I went out for fresh air and he was ignoring me and my calls I again kept overthinking and felt like how I felt in my old relationship that I was overly emotional and I couldn’t help it cause I was a woman are the type of things said to me and I feel like this situation is pulling me back into the shell I was once in I know t didn’t say those words to me but not being heard or listened to is just putting me in a dark headspace like a doll no thoughts no emotions no nothing yes sir no sir is where my mind is going and I blame myself I blame myself for being so quick to fall back and back burner my feelings like they don’t matter and questioning myself for being emotional im sorry if this sounds like a bunch of nonsense I can’t get the right words of how I’m feeling besides low and unwanted Sorry again for this long post