How do I end this friendship, respectfully?

[Anonymous]

I’m really struggling with a tough decision, and I need some advice. I know some of y’all might ridicule me since this is about an online friendship but anyways…. I’ve been friends with this guy online for over four years now we both same age, since I was 16. I’m turning 21 next year, so I’ve grown a lot since we first met. Our friendship has always been a ‘no strings attached’ kind of thing so we would be sexting from time to time, but it’s not only sexual we talk about everything we had deep FaceTime calls conversations about life and were really supportive towards each-other as friends. But over time, I’ve realized that this doesn’t work for me anymore because I’ve developed feelings for him. And we’re basically in a relationship but without the labels. (So my feelings hurt at this point 😖)

The problem is, we live far apart, so we can’t actually be together. Plus, because of my personal beliefs and values, I feel like I can’t stay in this kind of friendship and still stay true to myself.

He hasn’t done anything wrong, and I still care about him a lot, which makes this so much harder. I know I need to move on, but I don’t want to ghost him—that would be rude, and I’d hate if someone did that to me. How can I end this friendship respectfully while making it clear that it’s about me needing to move on for my own well-being? Also extra advice while moving on should we remove each other from all socials like zero contact or something else… thanks I’d appreciate any honest advice:)

Updates

1 y

Not that anyone cares lol but I did it lol in Jan it was hard at first but the friendship is now over

[ohsheeT]

You just answered it for yourself right there
Like you said you have to let him know that it's not anything that he's done wrong it's you you're growing as a person and you need to express and explore

And since you guys live so far away and you're being honest and you're being truthful and you're being loyal I mean he couldn't ask for a better friend than you because there's nobody in this planet would do what you're doing.

You know what I mean I mean there is but you know what I mean you could just blow him off ghost him go do your thing but your heart isn't that way you do have morals values and ethics and that's a cool thing to have at your age in these times and days yes

I don't know if you should remove him I think that's up to you you know you started out as friends you can end it as friends and every once in awhile you can get in contact or whatever I know that would probably be hard to do.
Especially if you're breaking it off and then you have communication with him again he might think that you want to start something again so I mean that's a hard thing right there but I mean I would leave it open and go from there


But like you said you've grown a lot you've learned a lot you've had good times together and you need to thank him for that you need to let him know what you really truly think of him as a person and that you will always probably love him you know you guys started out at 16 I mean that's a bond right there you don't need to go into full detail on what you need because I'm sure he'll figure that out and that's the last thing a guy wants to hear about the girl that he loves is she wants to go out and do her thing so I wouldn't put that part in there

That I can tell you right now no matter what you say no matter what you do you have a hold on it you have it together you're very kind with a very beautiful heart and I say just be honest just be yourself and he'll understand it I mean he knows you well so he'll understand it and if he truly truly loves you he will set you free it will hurt him for a little bit but who knows maybe he wants to do the same thing maybe he has done the same thing who knows I think it's cool you are who you are and I think it's cool that you didn't take the wrong path and do what 80% of most people would do and that's just go do your thing and ghost him and say see you I think you're a good person

But I mean you don't have to tell him that you want to end it respectfully just say it's time to grow you know you're not ending anything you're going for a new start and he will understand that because I'm sure that he thought about it too it's very very hard to be in long distance relationship and not be able to hold each other or touch each other or looking through each other's eyes so I said good luck I think you'll do fine just be yourself and be honest

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. You’re absolutely right! I appreciate your advice and kind words :)

[ohsheeT]

You are very welcome you are wiser than all the days that you've been here on this planet that's for sure and you have a beautiful heart I think it's going to be a little bit rough for him just because of those things but you need to reassure him that it's not the end of something it's a start of something for the both of you
Everything in this life happens for a reason and you have to let him know that the time that you've had with him what it meant to you what you have learned what you love and appreciate and how it has made you grow because when I see what I feel through your energy is just a very very good person through you a very wise confident person that wants to. Take everything that you have learned and now experience it in real life and there's nothing wrong with that because it is a very beautiful thing and that goes the same for him he needs to do the same
But you're at a point in life to where things have just kind of stopped and now it's time to go to another level because there's many of them I mean many of them to get to where we're going our destinies we have to experience whether it's a physical or an energy experience they're both quite different and both beautiful but it's that time probably

[Asker]

That is so truee! & thanks for being very encouraging, I’ll need it 😭

[ohsheeT]

I don't know I think you'll do fine probably I think you have a certain confidence to you I can feel it through your energy

[ohsheeT]

Are you ok.

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw man, that's a really tough situation you're in, girl. I totally get why you're feeling conflicted about this friendship, especially with the feelings you've developed. It's never easy to end a close connection, even when you know it's the right thing to do.

The most important thing is that you're being true to yourself and your values. Even though this friendship has meant a lot to you, it's not serving you anymore if it's causing you pain. You gotta put your own well-being first, you know?

When it comes to ending things respectfully, I'd suggest having an open and honest conversation with him. Let him know that you care about him deeply, but that the dynamic of your friendship has shifted in a way that's no longer working for you. Be clear that this is about your own personal needs, and not anything he's done wrong.

Reassure him that you still value him as a person, but that you need to create some distance for your own mental health. Suggest taking a break from regular contact, at least for a little while, so you can work on moving on. Offer to stay in touch periodically, but make it clear that the sexual/intimate parts of your friendship need to stop.

As for social media, I'd probably recommend unfollowing or even unfriending him for now. That way you can focus on healing without constantly being reminded of him. You could even explain that to him, so he understands it's not personal, it's just what you need to do.

The most important thing is being honest and upfront. Don't ghost him or leave him wondering - that'll only make things harder in the long run. Just be compassionate but firm about your boundaries and your need to move on.

I know it's not going to be easy, but you've got this, girl. You're doing the right thing by prioritizing your own wellbeing. With time and space, those feelings will start to heal. You deserve so much happiness, and I know you're gonna find it, even if it's not with this guy.

Sending you lots of love and support during this transition. Let me know if you need anything else!

[Asker]

Thanks, that’s really helpful advice! Also, I checked out your page, and you give some really thoughtful advice to people. It’s much appreciated 😁

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw, thanks so much! I really appreciate the kind words. I'm just trying my best to provide thoughtful, empathetic advice to help people navigate tricky situations. It means a lot that you've found my responses helpful.

And I totally get what a difficult decision this is for you. Ending any close relationship, even an online one, is never easy. But you're being super mature and responsible about it, which is awesome.

Just remember to be gentle with yourself too. Transitions like this can be really emotionally draining, even when you know it's the right thing to do. Don't be afraid to reach out to your other support systems if you need to process all of this.

I believe in you, girl. You've got the wisdom and strength to handle this with grace. Wishing you all the best as you have that tough conversation and start this new chapter. You've got this!

[Asker]

thanks!

[WhitneySnow]

Just be straight up with him. Tell him why you’re doing this and that it’s not him. Give him the chance to declare his feelings for you if he has any. If he doesn’t, go zero contact, but don’t block him unless he gets really annoying. That way at least there’s a path back in the future if you change your mind.

[Nikki1989]

Express gratitude for the good times and the support you've shared. This can soften the blow and show that you value the friendship, even if it's ending. I know it is not easy, but you will feel better later for it.

[Asker]

So true!

[Anonymous]

You should talk to him. Tell him you think that the relationship needs to change. I don't think you should throw away the entire relationship which isn't only sexual without telling him and seeing if he's willing to be platonic friends.

[Asker]

See we have tried being delusional and telling ourselves we’re just platonic friends but clearly we can’t do that cuz it’s always flirty :/

[Anonymous]

Generally speaking. Ending things in a way that makes the other person comfortable, is not important. The importance is that you got out of it. You had to do what’s best for you whether they understand or not - it’s also not up to you to help them justify it the way you have. It’s your life! You’ll never get to your best self or your goals if you wait around seeing what others feel about it.
Get! Go! Do your thing!!

[Crazzyyworld]

All men are thief they are just stealing sex from you. You need to $$charge him some $$

[Asker]

😭😭

[Anonymous]

Be honest.
Simple.