Search Results: staying friends with ex

My friend called me this week saying that I say unnecessary things & those things take jabs at her. She's a "girl's girl" & some things sound like I'm competing
She gave me 2 examples out of many
1. She said someone was talking to us about shoes & I said I got them 1st (i specifically dont remember that moment, but I'll give it to her because people don't remember things unless it's attached to a filtering emotion)
2. She mentioned how her ex talked & hugged her & I said he does that with everybody
(That I explained as protection cuz they broken up twice & I've had my own breakup in which my ex liked me physically but didn't want to be with me
I know her ex is not extreme like that but I didn't want her to get her hopes up on something he does to everybody
She should look for other signs.) She still said I shouldn't say it like that
I could understand what she means however while we're in conversation I thought that phrase was precise & got my point across quickly & she never brought it up to me until now
How was I suppose to know she didn't like it & how am I suppose to hold a conversation & know which comments are unnecessary
In general conversations are unnecessary unless you need something from the other person (health/businesswise) Then she said she's upset that she keeps having to find out information from my ex in terms of my dad being sick or me being sick (my ex only knows because we still work together & when he ask wya, i tell him) but her schedule is random I don't know when she's sleep, on the road, etc so it's up to her. When I did reach out, it was at the wrong time, so I got tired of doing it. Also when I told her I was sick, specifically what I was going through, it felt like she forgot or didn't look up what's happening to me for herself. And when we went on outings/convos when my sickness played a role in our interaction, empathy wasn't present, so why tell her? Should I let her know or let it fade?

I've known this one guy since HS, I was a freshman & he was a junior (14 years ago). We went to neighbor high schools but were friends on FB. We were really close or so I felt. He was there for me for my first heartbreak my senior year. During that relationship he confessed his feelings for me. After I graduated we hung out a few times at his place never even kissed but we would cuddle. I liked what we had bc I was afraid if we got into a relationship & we didn't workout then I would lose him as a friend too. He meant a lot to me. 3 years passed & I got into another relationship, this one was toxic & I couldnt talk to him much but when my ex & I got into fights I would reach out to him again. I spent the night at his place once too again nothing happened. Then when I was 2 months pregnant I was in a domestic violence situation with my ex & I had nowhere to go so I reached out to him to stay at his place but this time he said no. he was very cold with me. I was so hurt I removed him from socials and didn't speak to him for years. Another 3 years passed & I moved an hour away. He reached out to me wanting to know about my life & if BD was in the picture. He is not. This time he was in a 2y long relationship. I told him I was hurt because he didn't help me when I needed him. he said it was because he was mad at me for being with someone else & having their baby. I mentioned to him I was moving out of state soon so he suggested we meet one last time & said he could drive the hour to me. I said no & used the excuse that we were still freshly into the pandemic. He added me on social media again & then about a year later removed me. I don't know why. So I messaged him & asked if what I posted had offended him, he said no & that was it. But actually it wasn't I figured since that was the end of our friendship I told him I had had feelings for him previously & the reason I never spoke up about it, that I also felt he was all wishy washy with me. (Continued below)