Search Results: never felt anything like this

30F and I wonder if most women get where I’m coming from. I’ve never been in a real relationship, saw someone very briefly in my early twenties. Haven’t had sex either since then and don’t feel the need to, masturbating doesn’t do anything for me. Also doesn’t help that I’m not the friendliest, the only way I’ve met up with guys over the years were on dating apps. I get attention on them but it just feels off in a way, I’ve always felt like I am going to end up alone. I don’t want kids but like the idea of getting married, over the years people have justified my single status to being picky or shy etc. Those are excuses or cop outs, I feel like compared to the average woman though I likely get less attention from guys in person.

Literally the only attention I’ve gotten from guys I find attractive are on dating apps, in person maybe someone I was outside with would tell me that this guy looked at me etc (on and off throughout the years). But they never make it known to me directly, it makes me second guess things. It’s like I always wonder why I never have a boyfriend if I’m told I’m attractive, I also hear about a lot of introverted/socially awkward women that are in long term relationships. I really wonder if finding the right person is the answer to all my issues, I’ve spoken to guys in the past and tend to find ways to get out of it before I determine if they’re a good fit or not. Something about guys has always felt…different. Since I was in my teens, never got the craze with being boy crazy etc.

I know i likely am, and i genuinely dont think he's interested or anything, and even if he was it would be illegal, but I've developed a big crush on the IT guy at college (he does exams aswell) . I've been there part time since last September (although I've been doing online courses before) at night class and now daytime for one day. My room at night class was on the same corridor as his office, and actually even when i first met him/seen him then i teased him about the last time i did an exam cos he took forever to get the password right 😂😂i actually thought he was a bit odd, bit of a dork at first, like he isn't even remotely attractive but still there seems to be something for me to be attracted to him, which is why im struggling with this/being around him. We spent a lot of time on our own organizing my exam and i need a specific chair for my health (back/tinnitus) and so i would have ventured into his room a lot, he never cared or said i wasn't allowed (im not allowed there in the other campus) there was an actual pinpoint of where it started i guess i seen him in a different light, im sure he was just doing his job but he told me something about my daytime course from his diary that he shouldn't have, gave me his chair for my exam to sit on and just generally been nice to me even though most people are sick of me😂😂

Anyway it was the last night of the course (2 days before my exam) and i was stood near the doorway of the room and there's a little bit of the room that has another door inbetween (there's a printer) and of course i only turned my head for a split second as he's walking past (and no, didn't even know he was there) u can guess it, im convinced there was an eye contact of some sort😂😂 and yet i know deep down it likely wasn't. My teacher pushed me to go see him regarding my exam and it actually felt so awkward and later im literally staring at him and getting distracted 😂😂

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