I’M BAAAAACK!! 👋 In Vegas that is…

RECAP OF 2019 VISIT TO VEGAS
- Flew with Spirit whose pilot was cool af and got us to Vegas an hour early despite the flight having the most uncomfortable seats ever
- Experienced 117 degree west coast heat which is surprisingly more comfortable than 80 degree heat here in the south
- Stayed in a beautiful panoramic suite at the Delano (now renamed The W)
- Also stayed in a beautiful seductive dungeon vibe suite at the Cromwell which had the best mid strip access

- Fell out with my boyfriend at the time, so we never got to enjoy the strip together and instead explored it separately
- Rode the High Roller alone which was awkward, filled with about 20 other guests that mostly consisted of screaming children, and contained a horrible view of the strip since the hotels were too tall to see anything else
- Visited the Michael Jackson Mandalay Bay store, Britney Spears Planet Hollywood store, and Beatles Mirage store

- Enjoyed the pool complex of Mandalay Bay where badass children taunted me by constantly splashing water in my face in the lazy river. I among others were nearly swept away and drowned in the wave pool that these idiots built on top of concrete which scratched us up dearly
- Had some of the nastiest food ever (Citizens, Sugar Factory, Michael Mina Pub 1842, MB Burger Bar, District Donuts, etc) but enjoyed Shake Shack and the humongous ribs at Virgil’s BBQ
- Ordered an oversized goblet souvenir cup at the Fashion Show Mall’s Sugar Factory and had the bartender fill it with soda instead of alcohol lol… I did the same at MB Fat Tuesday with the tall hour glass shaped cup. What can I say? I don’t drink 🤷♀️

- Walked so far that I couldnt feel my feet even after a month of being back home
- Wore heels for the first time in a long time and fell in the middle of traffic where even a cop nearly ran me over
- Went to my first and only club ever (Omnia at Caesars) where I was uncomfortably sandwiched between drunk dancing lesbians and men old enough to be my father… the stage DJ also blew some weird smoke in my face… and then I lost my glasses and crawled around like Velma in Scooby Doo searching for them

- Barely gambled but blew over $5k on shopping and then nearly got robbed in the Luxor parking lot
- Kept missing the Bellagio fountain show that played every 15 minutes
- Visited the Shark Reef Aquarium at Mandalay Bay which contained fake gators and dead sharks in the tank

EXPERIENCE THIS TIME IN 2025
- Fasted 20:4 for 5 weeks prior to the trip to get in shape for this killer walk on the strip (and lost 30 pounds so far!) but thankfully the walk wasn’t as far nor as bad this time around
- Flew with Breeze Airways who I never heard of but took a chance on anyways. These bastards charged $75 for having an oversized wallet and $75 again for having a shopping bag (because I was already carrying a carry on and purse). I was forced to check 1 of my “4 bags” and they took poor care of my belongings which spilled out all over baggage claim… embarrassing af to see my “time of the month” products scattered everywhere on the baggage ramp in front of a crowd of people

- My boyfriends Frontier flight got delayed by a day so I spent the first day alone. Our itinerary got set back so we didn’t get to do everything we wanted. But at least he actually attended Vegas with me unlike the 2019 ex
- Found Vegas even more overrated than before but the weather was better and only a sunny 60 something degrees each day

- Stayed in MGM Grand which was lovely but like a huge confusing maze. I had a view of the airport instead of the strip but hey the rooms were free/complimentary because I gambled my ass off back home and earned it lol. I also wasn’t charged for early checkin! (11am instead of 3pm). Plus room service delivered complimentary balloons and candy to my room by surprise FOR MY BIRTHDAY.
- Also experienced long ass elevator wait lines since its apparently renovation year.
- Couldn’t enjoy the lazy river pool complex at MGM since its not pool season yet it was still in my daily resort fee

The one day I spent alone in Vegas before my boyfriend arrived was horrible. First the airport security followed me around flirting and asking if he could keep me company since my boyfriend wasn't around. And then I took my first taxi (that the security recommended since he didn't trust uber) but man I felt scammed by the prices. I damn near got scammed into a hotel timeshare as well when a “strip security” took my ID and tried to sign me up for shit.
And then I pissed off Knuckles when he tried to force me to pay him for a snapshot that Sonic offered to take. Knuckles chased me down the strip and was crazy aggressive. Once my boyfriend arrived, he had me walk him to them where it was funny seeing ole boy shaking in his suit once he got confronted by another guy


- Food on the strip still sucked— Nacho Daddy (great wings, horrible queso), Vanderpump a Paris (great beignets, horrible chocolate tower), Daves Hot Chicken (tasted like nasty hot cheeto covered chicken tenders), Dirt dog (awful pimento like cheese on my dogfood-looking chili dog), Virgils BBQ (rib size shrunk and the cereal covered creamy mac was still horrible), Qbistro (great heat/spice on the Korean Fried Chicken but horrible sauce flavors), In N Out (horrible and actually made McDonalds seem delicious), Rock N Potato (great birria tacos but awful consomne), Brew Dog (great wings but pesky birds harassing us on the bar rooftop)etc.

- Couldn’t eat at Buddy Vs, Crack Shack, Nellies (Jonas Brothers), Black Tap, and other places I wanted to try due to too many recent bad or food poisoning reviews…
- Wish I got to try Lucianos Pizza/Cheeseteaks as well as the Korean beef braised ribs at Soyo Flamingo or Daeho.

- I barely touched my food but my boyfriend became a hover vaacum and gulped it all down. He’s lucky to have a fast metabolism
- Some guys at the sports bar talked about their networking connections and offered to put in a good word for my boyfriend with the Kansas City Chiefs. But my idiot of a boyfriend turned it down and told them “Nah i rather play college football instead of joining a team who sucked in the latest superbowl.” Like omg such an idiot to turn down that opportunity… 🤦♀️ We’re Philadelphia Eagles fans but he should’ve been more grateful
- I don’t often drink but I tried white wine Moscato and even with that I was a light weight. I spent the night giggling nonstop and even cut my hand open when it got slit against the damn sharpass Vanderpump to go gift bag. My hand was spirting blood in the hotel lobby and my boyfriend and other guests freaked out and ran around gathering towels and bandages lol

- I almost beat down a showgirl looking hooker who couldnt take no for an answer when my boyfriend refused to take a picture with her. She started rubbing all over him calling him “muscle man” and kept asking me to give him “the greenlight”/a hall pass for the night. She just doesn’t know, I’d run over her ass like I do the hookers in GTA lol
- Got smacked on the ass with a paddle when passing by some female stripper who was trying to lure us into her club. And my boyfriend got thrown some beads by some gay Magic Mike lookin stripper. I had to hold him back from fighting the man 😭🤣


- I totally gambled (slots) and won like fck! My boyfriend doesn't gamble but i talked him into playing anyways. he totally sucked and lost a lot of my money but i made it back by tripling it lol

- Finally got to see the Bellagio Fountains and it was overrated af lol
- Wanted to see the jabawockeez perform but my boyfriend wasn’t into it so he put on a private dance show in the room instead lol. I was shocked by how good of a dancer he was. Must be the African in em 🤷♀️
- Was sad Planet Hollywood took away the best Urban Outfitters EVER. And I didn't get to go to this oversized Harley dealership
- So my bfs flight back also got delayed and I almost missed my flight home because we were too busy fcking lmao. Shit I wasn’t gonna pass up being busted in repeatedly. I waited forever for this moment 😆🤣Interestingly enough, I’m finally dating a guy who isn’t into PDA other than like handholding. Thats pretty hard for a public freak like myself. But i’d say I turned him out a bit considering he facefcked me in the hotel hallway one night 😩🤣 We got caught and took off running like the immature idiots we are then slammed the door in the guys face. I had to spend the next day struggling to walk down the strip because my cooch was so sore lol. I know I know, Sorry I just couldnt keep this mytake PG.

- I was shocked by how many people asked if we were a married couple as we walked down the strip and one guy even said we looked great together and HAD to be at least 5 years into marriage though he said we looked to be in our early 20s. And one old man even randomly gave him the “when you’re a father one day” talk lol. Awkward but he seemed to appreciate it. He thinks the guy saw the hickeys all over our necks and felt the need to give us a pep talk lmao
- I still didn't get to ride the old coaster at NYNY that shakes the entire building.
- I returned to the M&M store but was sad to see they removed the nascar jackets

- It was also sad to see that there are no more moving cloud ceilings at most hotels nor the caesars forum shops.
- The botanical garden conservatory at Bellagio was beautiful as was the setup at Venetian.
- Funny no longer seeing the volcano at Mirage but that shit was overrated anyways.
- The Venetian gondolas were pretty but not worth paying for.
- The Arte Museum at Aria was cool but not long enough to be worth the pay

I don’t intend to visit Vegas for a third time…
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