Society & Politics

Do You Need a Hug?

Hugging another person can be endearing, emotional, awkward, loving, or downright funny. Some people love giving hugs, while others recoil at the mere thought of human touch. There are several types of hugs, which ones do you like? Which ones do you give and recieve?


1. The Standard Hug


Do You Need a Hug?
Two people approach one another, extend their arms and embrace for under 5 seconds. This can be done with people who are familiar with one another or random strangers (with permission of course).


2. The Bro Hug


Do You Need a Hug?
The number one rule of the bro hug is, "thou shalt not touch dicks." Two men approach each other and extend their arms in a handshake. The handshake is then lifted to chest level and the two come in closer to one another at chest level moving forward, while butts extending away from one another so as to leave at least a good 6-12 inches of clearance space between each others dicks. The arms not involved in hand shaking are used to pat the back of the other 2-3 times before quick release and seperation from one another. A man does not linger in this hug. It is understood that this hug is to be used to show some sort of something or other towards the other man, but let's you know, never talk about it.


3. The Ultimate Girl Hug


Do You Need a Hug?
This hug can be used by two men, or between a man and a woman, but 99 percent of the time, it is used exclusively by two women. There, look, across the way from 100 ft off, two women spot each other. Their eyes grow large as saucers. They begin screetching at ear splitting volumes and shaking uncontrollably with excitement. They run towards each other manically, bags and purses knocking all others in the path aside. They reach each other at the same time, and embrace enthusiastically, their screetches growing louder by the second. They hug and shake from side to side, or jump up and down in a hug, or twirl around each other in a hug speaking in a form of excited gibberish only known to them whilst everyone else gives side eye or looks to see what all the noise is about. This hug is mainly used by two women who are family or friends who have not seen each other in quite some time.


4. The Bear Hug


Do You Need a Hug?
Because of the feats of strength required for this hug, it is usually employed by large portly, surly, and/or inappropriate men named Bubba or Cousin Dan with the drinking problem, or those over 6'3. The hugger spots his target, the huggee, usually smaller and weaker. The huggee knows what's coming. It's happened before and they try their best to curl up in some form of protective ball, but it is too late. Their feet are off the ground as the hugger lifts them a good 2 feet by locking their entire body around the huggee, their arms making a tighly locked circle around their prey, I mean, person they're hugging. The hug does more in a minute than a chiropractor can in an hour cracking every bone in the huggees body. If the hug is mercilessly tight, the huggee may have trouble breathing which will probably (definitely) go unnoticed by the hugger squeeze the life out of them like a Python. You can try to run from this hug, but the hugger will always find you either now or later and find their hug hillarious as you wipe up the blood from your lungs from the ground.


5. The Feels Hug


Do You Need a Hug?
This is a hug employed by someone you are usually very familiar with or in times of trauma. The hugger knows this is the type of hug you need to help repair what may feel broken inside you. It is employed best by parents, partners, children, caregivers, and best friends. The hugger embraces the huggee a bit tighter then they would in the standard. There is no room or space left out in this type of hug. Whilst in the hug embrace, the hugger then takes one hand and gently and soothingly rubs the back of the huggee several times. The hug lasts much longer than the standard. The huggee may proceed to ugly cry, vent frustrations, or just accept the hug in reserved silence. This hug is only released when the hugger feels the huggee feels a little better or has gotten it all out, or the huggee indicates that they really needed that and lets go on their own.


6: The Side Hug


Do You Need a Hug?
Are you a teacher, have a jealous boyfriend or girlfriend, not really wanting to smell like Grandma's perfume, employ the side hug. Can be done by any combination of sexes. Approach someone, in a sitting position or standing position, and stand parallel to them, and just lightly reach your hand across their shoulder and give one or two light squeezes only making hip to hip or rib to rib contact or leaving more space if neccessary to keep your job. Quickly right yourself back up and move to safe distance. If you are familiar with the person, side hug can last a bit longer. Hug can also be used instead of bro hug between two men with ultimate assurace of no dicks touching.


7: Not Going to Happen Shoulder Grip Hug


Do You Need a Hug?
Does someone have bad B.O? Is this a hug that's trying to be given by the known perv in the office? Is this someone you don't want to touch you in anyway shape or form? This hug applies to any combination of the sexes. This is for the person who insists on hugging you even though no sure as hell still means no. They approach, but rather then be surprised by yet another sweaty, distrubingly handsy, or awkward hug, you come prepared. When they approach you, stick your foot pointedly in between you two on the floor slighting turning your foot inward creating a nice road block barrier between you and them getting any closer than you feel you need to on any planet. Then stick your hand out and grip one of their shoulders firmly. Lean in a fraction of an inch while maintaining said firm grip and foot block, and then with the opposite hand, give exactly 2 emotionless pats to their opposite shoulder and then pull back and release wide and retreat to a safe distance. If they try and go in for a closer hug, you have to be prepared to bound off like a hunted gazelle.


8. Lovers Hugs


Do You Need a Hug?
These types of hugs should only be employed by people in relationships or you may risk being arressted. In the first, your lover comes up from behind you, and hugs and embraces you from behind creating close body contact. For what should be obvious reaons, employing this type of intimate hug on a perfect stranger is inadvisable. The other type is the run and jump. Usually the woman or smaller of the two, in the relationship will run and jump up into her lovers arms wrapping their legs around their partners waist for an intimate hug usually coupled with passionate kisses that makes any onlooker who happens to be watching this throw up just a little in their mouth.


Right place, right time, right situation, many of the hugs can apply to anyone as long as the two people in the hug feel comfortable doing it and it is between two people in an appropriate situation.


Can you think of any other types of hugs...

Do You Need a Hug?
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