A different reason to NOT slutshame!

[ThisDudeHere]

At this point we have all read and re-read the myTakes and posts and what not on how it's bad to slutshame and etc. And it is...just to put it out there. So I'm not going to repeat for the upteenth time what has already been said. Instead, I'm proposing an idea for the people, douchebags in particular, who think ill of 'sluts'. This goes for all the guys who make it a habit to point out how "sluts are bad" and "women who sleep around don't deserve anyone" etc.

Now I'm not going to try and list all of the reasons why people slutshame, that has been done to death as well, but to continue on with my point, I'll state three excuses that slutshamers use:

• 
  

  Men are naturally predisposed to spread their seed while women should be more chaste.

  
  


• 
  

  Sleeping around involves greater risks for women than for men, like an increased chance of STD's as well as pregnancy.

  
  


• 
  

  Promiscuous women have damaged psyches in the long run, unlike men who aren't affected from sleeping around at all.

  
  

Now I want to pay attention to the last one because the first two are just a nope for me. Not going to go there right now.

First things first, personally I kind of agree with the last statement. :O It has been shown time and time again that there indeed are far more grave psychological aftereffects on promiscuous women as opposed to men.

The reason it probably is so is precisely because of slutshaming (duh)! Women wouldn't be as "fucked up", as slutshaming people tend to say, if it weren't for the act of slutshaming to begin with.

TL;DR: My alternate reason to not slutshame

1. Stop slutshaming.


2. Notice how women aren't as stigmatized as they were before(although women-slutshamers still remain).


3. Unstigmatized 'sluts' are now more free and are easier to spot. They don't have to hide anything.


4. Now, if you don't like them so much, you can just avoid them and let them do their thing in peace.


5. ???


6. Profit.

Since they don't have to hide anything, and can act more freely, and are easier to spot - you can avoid them. The chances that you'll find a woman who seemed innocent, lured you into marriage and then surprise, surprise, turned out to be an uber-slut in disguise (somehow this is a thing that I read on here all the time) will be lessened since they won't feel like they have to hide anything.
Slutshamers would be doing themselves a service by stopping slutshaming. Sure, it's not THE solution. Not even close. But it makes the world a slightly better place - both for sluts, and for the people who don't much like sluts. To some arguable extent.

Peace out, dudes and dudettes.

[becca123]

I'll repeat my stance on this. To each her own. If you are happy living a promiscuous lifestyle, do it and be well. There may be consequences to this lifestyle as she gets a little older, however, and no amount of justifying the lifestyle will make someone accept it if they aren't promiscuous as well. That being said, live your life according to your own rules and just be safe. Everyone else should mind their own business. If you choose to avoid promiscuity, do it quietly. If you choose to be promiscuous, accept that there are people don't agree with it and do as you please.

I could care less who does what as long as it does not involve me.

[ThisDudeHere]

Well said.

[nemer26]

Very well put.

[SilenRose]

Do you mind if I reqoute this?

[becca123]

@SilenRose of course not :)

[front2back]

I'm not going to attack a girl for sleeping around but I sure won't date one that does. I hold myself to that standard and expect my partner too also.

[ThisDudeHere]

The same goes for me. I wouldn't date one, but I don't need to attack one either.

[Frost_Byt3]

There is one problem with your theory: If we stop slut shaming, it will encourage more girls to become sluts because they think its acceptable. Sure, it'll be easier to spot them and avoid them... but there will be many, many more of them. All we will be doing is decreasing our dating pool (for us guys who aren't willing to date promiscuous women).

HOWEVER, if we all continue to slut shame, we will continue to discourage potential sluts from becoming sluts, so be it at the cost of said sluts trying to hide it. Though, when you think about it, there are plenty of indications someone has sexual experience. And if you fail to see it, then you're just an idiot. I'm astounded by the number of cases in which guys are lured into marriage by a slut who they thought was pure. Have they ever seen how they dress? Have they heard the phrase "i get along with men much better, so i have a lot of guy friends", have they not noticed how well she does in bed without having to teach her anything? Come on now!

I'm not saying that i do slut shame girls, i just wanted to point out the flaw in your reasoning.

[ThisDudeHere]

Somehow I think that most girls wouldn't want to be sluts, even if they were free to do so. That was what I was keeping in mind when I wrote this. But yea you may have a point though.

[TheGuyFromMiddleEast]

One soft point in your argument is that you base your argument that sluts actually care what other people think about them, and that makes them hide their true self.

Well, even though i'm not inclined to disagree, i don't think your suggestion would work in favor of men who are likely to be tricked into a marriage with a slut.

Think of it this way, the reason leading to the reason that those men can't tell their future wife has a promiscous lifestyle is not because sluts in general tend to hide their true self. It's because they want to get married with that specific man, so they act like they're innocent butterflies to that specific husband candidate. Even though sluts weren't shamed, they still would wear the special innocent butterfly mask around potential husbands, because they are not that stupid to think "oh if noone is saying something about it, they must be okay with it".

This probably was one of my worst explained arguements. I simply couldn't get it together, I hope you understand what i'm talking about.

[ThisDudeHere]

No I completely understand and you do have a point there.

[RationalMale]

Disagree.

Firstly, this is part of a social push we see today to remove any and all inhibitions on female sexuality, while restricting men as much as possible. We tell women it's great for them to live it up, show their sexuality with Magic Mike or 50 Shades...

while at the same time, we push for idiocy laws like "yes means yes" and we lambast men for even having sexual video game characters.

For two, women decide whether promiscious men are attractive mates or not. Thing is, despite common sense decreeing otherwise, women are attracted to men who have been vaginally approved by other men. I have no doubt that women who date players are setting themselves up for trouble, the same way companies don't like hiring people who are jobhoppers--habits form.

We men don't get anything from the knowledge that 10 dicks have been in a girl, except instinctive knowledge that she's a bad prospect for a relationship/marriage. Sex is different for women. Women are on the alpha fucks, beta bucks programming.

Who wants to be the sap that a woman decides to settle down with because he'll make a decent father and she's "tired of the bad boys?" Who wants to be that guy she's NOT fantasizing about during sex?

We slut shame girls, because it's literally for the best, if girls don't slut it up.

[Bandit74]

"Since they don't have to hide anything, and can act more freely, and are easier to spot - you can avoid them."

Even if guys didn't insult them, the sluts would still have a motive to lie. If they know a large percentage if guys wouldn't marry them based on their past, they would still have an uncentive to lie. It doesn't matter if guys litteraly shane/insult them. The only way they'd truly be open would be if they felt guys considered them to be equally as desirable for marriage as the women who didn't sleep around.

Just like short guys and guys with low income are conventionally considered less desirable, the same goes for women with high partner counts. People lie when they think it will benefit them. Just like guys lie about their height and yearly salary in order to appear more desirable, women do the same with their past.

[Bandit74]

incentive*

[ThisDudeHere]

You do have a point. I merely presumed that there would simply be more sluts out in the open, not that they wouldn't lie at all. That they'd still unfortunately do tho.

[ALittleBlondeGirl]

They can lie all they want, but just by looking at her lady bits, you can tell she's lying..

[Bandit74]

@ALittleBlondeGirl
not really :/

[ALittleBlondeGirl]

Heh, YES really. Unless of course, the damage has been done by masturbation..

[rjroy3]

The reason it's a good idea to stop slut shaming that wasn't even mentioned is that girls who aren't slots won't have a fear of being looked at as a slut if they do sleep with you on the first date.
Majority of the time a girl is less likely to do something sexual for the sole fear of being looked at as a slut. Every other reason comes second to this.

[rjroy3]

Aren't sluts*

[ThisDudeHere]

Good point.

[coldpieceofpizza]

I don't understand why some people think "hey, could you please not do that, because it hurts people's feelings." is not good enough of an excuse to stop doing something.

[ThisDudeHere]

Well yea but that's only wishful thinking unfortunately.

[dartmaul15]

@coldpieceofpizza because that'd put you in a "kant's categorical imperative".

Your goal is to never hurt anyone, or do anything wrong. Then what do you do in a situation where you have two choices; either hurt person one, or person two? let's say they're both about to fall off a bridge, and while saving one, the other will die. According to said imperative you'll just walk away and do nothing, because by not directly interfeering you did no wrong. It is the only way to follow the imperative, and never cause anyone harm with your direct interference.

Sometimes you face decissions which will hurt peple no matter what. And in those cases, ideals stand to fall.

Your ideal works when it does not involve hurting someone else in the process, and in those cases it is a great ideal to follow. The problem is just that you must be ready to abandon it in favor of other ideals, when put in situations where a categorical imperative is the case. can you do that?

[brocha]

Yeah fair take.

I reckon it's fine to be as sexually wild as you want to be. Make sure you enjoy and feel comfortable in yourself and with the other (or multiple lol) person (s).

Only thing is people behaving slutty and stopping you meeting ppl? Can u help me on mine pls? www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1836476-can-you-explain-this-fantasies-of-a-female-acquaintance-bit-long-but

it's about such a person.

[Rawrzz]

That bear looks like a dog. I wonder if bears are related to dogs. Having a bear as a dog would be pretty awesome. I would name him Mr. Tedsworth, and he would be mine, and I would love him, and he would tear my enemies to ribbons. Except he'd be asleep all winter... I always wondered why cats got lions and tigers and leopards and cheetahs and fucking panthers. Come on. All the cool, deadly animals are cats. Why aren't there any lion-like dogs? Cats get the king of the jungle, and dogs get mangey coyotes. Oh, there's wolves. Who do you think would win in a fight a lion or a wolf? I'm pretty sure it'd be the lion... Well, I guess the wolf is sorta like the lion of dogs. They're definitely cool and awesome, but they're not *lions*. But what about the panther of dogs, huh? AND THEY'VE GOT THE FASTEST LAND ANIMAL! Cheetahs. What do dogs have? Fucking pomerainians. No wonder cats are so stuck up.

[Nuqood]

"Sleeping around involves greater risks for women than for men, like an increased chance of STD's as well as pregnancy."

Why is this a nope for you, exactly? 1 in 4 women have herpes vs 1 in 8 men. Vaginas have like 4 times the smegma a penis does (smegma is the reason for people justifying circumcision with the bullshit 'reduction of std contraction because of removing a bacterial breeding ground'). I mean, it's a shit reason to slut shame I'll agree, but they aren't wrong about it. I feel like the only way to completely eliminate the spread of STDs is to invent a vaccine for uninfected women.

[LoveLikeRockets]

I don't believe in slut shaming but I'll be fucking wankered if I ever date a woman that has slept around. Women can sleep around all they like I just hope those women stay away from me because I sure as hell do not want them.

[wom727]

bull shit.. so a woman that was raped and only had 1 sexual partner in her 32 years of life.. is she a slut? you're messed up and this guy was suppose to marry me but he is bad so now i am healing myself and hope to find a nice guy

[LoveLikeRockets]

@wom727 For the love of sweet Jesus, I never called you a slut. Please learn how to read!

[DocRim]

That's completely normal and I agree with you. It's just like I wouldn't want a man who slept around as well.

To each their preference, I'm sure some guys don't mind being with "promiscuous" women.

[LoveLikeRockets]

@DocRim I know it is and yet when I post this I get branded sexist and people get offended. I'm a virgin and yet I've apparently contributed in making women sluts and then shaming them, I mean dafuq is this? :')

People have their preferences, there are plenty of men who will accept a woman that has slept around, so I cannot understand why these women are getting their knickers in a twist.

[VampireEmpress]

because u didn't mention before that u have no partners too. people will assume you're a hypocrite... although all u have is upvotes

[ALittleBlondeGirl]

Slut shaming is why I refuse to lose my virginity. I do not ever want to be considered "used goods" or "leftovers". I'm considered fresh and I'm going to keep it that way. Being pure makes me more desirable and for some reason, people base their worth off of other people's opinions. I wish it didn't have to be that way, but that's how our twisted society is. I long for the day we can all be considered equal. But alas, humans still make everything a competition.

[VampireEmpress]

fyi, once you hit mid twenties, guys won't believe u are still a virgin. girls have posted on here before, about how badly they were insulted by guys when they told them they still had their v cards. the guys thought the girls were insulting them by messing with them.

but I think @ your age its good u have it. highschool boys can be really immature.

[ALittleBlondeGirl]

@VampireEmpress Why would someone lie about being a virgin at that age? I'd believe someone in their 20's is a virgin.

[VampireEmpress]

because most people have had sex by then... I don't think anyone deserves to be insulted, but I think most people wouldn't believe it if someone had their v card by that age.

[ALittleBlondeGirl]

@VampireEmpress I'd believe it. =P I actually know quite a few people who are 20+ and haven't lost their virginity. Hehe, if you hadn't noticed my user name, I gave myself that name because I look quite young. I've been told I can pass for 12. I don't physically age. Therefore, due to my young looks, people would have a hard time not believing I'm a virgin. xD

[VampireEmpress]

yep, you're lucky to look young! good luck with everything.

[ALittleBlondeGirl]

@VampireEmpress Looking 12 makes me lucky? You wish you looked that age?

[VampireEmpress]

I saw your comments. about how you wouldn't want to date a promiscuous girl, even if u don't shame or insult slutty girls... you're still saying they're not attractive to you. how are you all that different from a slut shamer at the core? at least the people who insult are open about how they feel.

[LoveLikeRockets]

Stop being overly sensitive and accept that women who sleep around are not entitled to men who do not sleep around and prefer being in relationships.

[VampireEmpress]

@LoveLikeRockets fyi, more women are supporting men financially than ever before now. your opinion that men have the ultimate choice is silly.

[VampireEmpress]

oh, I read too fast and thought u meant marriage. for relationships women do have the ultimate choice, so who cares about 10% of guys not being interested?

[LoveLikeRockets]

Men do have the ultimate choice pal, it's called enjoying the single life. If I had to choose between remaining single for the rest of my life and being with a woman who has slept around, I'd choose the former every single time.

[LoveLikeRockets]

Women who sleep around are not worthy of me; it's as simple as that. I'm better than they are. Superior in every way!

[VampireEmpress]

@LoveLikeRockets if u need to think so. I enjoy my life too.

[LoveLikeRockets]

I'm glad.

[LoveLikeRockets]

@wom727 WTF?

[wom727]

and he is calling rape victims sluts - what a f face !!

[wom727]

@LoveLikeRockets you're F'd up !! and insane.. how many sexual partners did your mother have !! do think about it !! and if ur mother got raped. would she be a slut?

[LoveLikeRockets]

@wom727 What are on you about?

[wom727]

men like you - get into a woman's pant promising marriage and then other men like you dump her for having slept with someone.. men create sluts and shame them !!

[LoveLikeRockets]

@wom727 Well that's not me mate. So you're barking up the wrong tree here.

[VampireEmpress]

@wom727 there's no real reason to insult anyone on here. these guys are hard headed but it's because they don't have gfs of their own. you'll probably get reported yourself for attacking people on here. keep the insults on your post.

[LoveLikeRockets]

I am not offended by her comments, she's dealt with a lot in her life and I feel for her, so I am not going to take offence and you're right I don't have a girlfriend you're right but that has nothing to do with me not wanting to be with a woman that has slept around. I don't want a woman that has slept around, it's as simple as that, no in depth psychological analysis's are needed.

[ThisDudeHere]

I'm different in that I don't have to be offensive towards them if I don't agree with them or their way of conduct.

[VampireEmpress]

@LoveLikeRockets u still didn't deserve any insults, and I was half joking about the girlfriend part. I just wanted to see if you'd reply honestly.

[LoveLikeRockets]

Oh you baited me? Well aren't you a clever clogs. :')

[VampireEmpress]

@mytake owner I think guys should only feel that way if they have a < partner count too...

[ThisDudeHere]

What do you mean if I have a < count?

Look, it's very simple. Most guys do not like a woman with a big count. The problem is that most guys also shame women with a big count.
The point of my take was that you don't have to shame in order to not like. I myself would prefer a woman that has not slept around. But that does not mean that I would ridicule women that have. It means that I simply do not prefer them as partners.

[VampireEmpress]

I meant a small number of partners too... but most men aren't picky @ all. women have tons of options fyi. and lots of them can support men now anyway.

[GirlsLie]

I don't know why so many people were so offended by this, even if I don't necessarily agree with you, it was definitely an interesting read.

[ThisDudeHere]

Thank you. What is it that you didn't agree with?

[GirlsLie]

Well it seems like you're sort of shaming sluts a little, while saying we shouldn't.

I actually agree with your point though, I think most women (not all) are more emotional, it's just the way we are so I think sleeping around has a more negative impact on women than men. I don't shame sluts, I honestly feel sorry for them more than anything and I question if they're doing it because they actually enjoy sex with multiple men or if they're just putting a band aid on deeper issues.

[loofah]

Erm, well, if a dude isn't promiscuous and wants a girl who isn't promiscuous... seems completely legit. It confuses me when a promiscuous guy slutshames though. I had a friend like that. He was a hypocrite in many ways though. It takes two to tango, how are they expecting to sleep around if women won't sleep with him? I'm a virgin myself and wouldn't care how much sex a man has had before me.

[ArtDent]

Because women like men who have proven themselves successful with women. That's the double standard.

[loofah]

@ArtDent Sometimes true, but not as much as men want a girl who isn't promiscuous. Besides, it's often men who praise other men for sleeping around. By that logic, I can turn a lot of things around. Women want men taller than them? Well men prefer women to be shorter than them. Men want women to be younger than them? Well women want men to be older than them. Women want a big penis? Well men want a tight vagina. I was referring to imbalanced situations anyways.

[ArtDent]

Yes, it is possible to look at things from more than one point of view.

Women like to complain about the 'slut' double standard to which I like to point out that women are free to intentify and avoid promiscuous men. Then there wouldn't be a double standard.

[loofah]

@ArtDent the slut double standard isn't just a double standard. It affects how many women are treated and is exaggerated (hence why it's debated... how much is considered slutty), that's why they complain. Seems like a legit reason to complain. Speaking for myself, I'm American but come from a conservative culture where me having sex could be considered social suicide in marriage prospects whereas a male doing the same isn't treated the same.

[ArtDent]

So I wouldn't treat someone poorly and don't encourage name calling or bullying and I am far from a virgin, however, I want to know how a potential mate views sex, I want to know if they are the kind of person who prefers sex in a committed monogamous relationship or if the find or have found ONS sex satisfying AT ALL in the past before I make the decision on the level of emotional attachement. I do NOT want to be 'shamed' into not trying to find out. I have my well thought out reasons and my experiences to inform me that one way of approaching intimacy is preferrable than the other, for me.

I don't see this whole anti-slutshaming movement as a way to prevent women from being mistreated as I see it a way to prevent men from being able to make an informed decision about the kind of person they are getting involved with.

[loofah]

@ArtDent Well that's good dude, if you're not name calling or looking down upon a person... doesn't sound like shaming. Go ahead and talk sexual experience with women. If you think she is allowed to judge you for your sexual experience, seems fair. Slut shaming is not all about being anti-men. Far from it. Not sure why men on this website always turn things around to be about them =/ It's about women not wanting to be looked down upon for being sexually active, that's all.

[Anonymous]

Be a slut. I don't care. Just don't shame ME for not wanting to marry you.

[ThisDudeHere]

Precisely, dude. And I dunno who downvoted you.

[wom727]

who the fuck is a slut - please define !! a woman that had one sexual partner and was partially raped? she is a slut?

[Opinion Owner]

@wom727 no. Someone who sleeps around casually and indiscriminately.

[ThePostMan]

This is another perfect example of the double standard in this country.
When people use the genetic drive, I like to remind them that our ability reason separates us from the wild animals that act on instinct and impulse. So if you can't control your impulses, you are closer to an animal than the rest of us.

Sometime else to remember is that this shaming comes from imposing judeo christian believes and values on others.

[ThisDudeHere]

May you elaborate as to what double standard you're referring to?

[ThePostMan]

Wow, did you read the article. Men can sleep around, women can't. That's a double standard.

[ThisDudeHere]

I did read, it's just that you were vague as to what you were referring to.

[TheGuyFromMiddleEast]

Whole concept of premarital sex, heck the whole concept of sex is about primitive instincts and impulses. You're not making any sense saying "Okay, don't let your impulses work in this scenario, while the scenario is itself all about impulses."

[ThePostMan]

@TheGuyFromMiddleEast - When you are hungry, the impulse is to eat. But you don't take out food everywhere do you? When you are thirsty, the impulse is to drink. But you don't pick up the closest water hose and start drinking do you? When someone hurts you, there is a fight or flight response. It's primal. But when you are hurt, are these the only two options available to you?
Once again, we have the ability to control our impulses.

[TheGuyFromMiddleEast]

Okay, I couldn't make it clear. Here's the thing, we're telling people to not slutshame, because they're human and they can fight their impulses, right. If this is not what you're to say, don't read further. Maybe i don't understand.

But, i'm saying, "okay, let's tell sluts to fight their impulses and urges and keep their pants on."

Why are we asking slutshamer to stop in the name of being able to control their behaviour against their impulses, when we can just as well ask sluts to stop sleeping around, in the name of controlling their impulses.

[ThePostMan]

@TheGuyFromMiddleEast - The problem with slut shaming is just because a women has slept with more men than you have, doesn't make her a slut.

[TheGuyFromMiddleEast]

Put it like that and i don't have anything to say. I was just trying point out the couble standard in your original comment.

[Anonymous]

I don't slüt shame but I do call people sluts, not because they sleep around, (I've actually never called a person who sleeps around a slut) just because it sounds great as an insult. It just rolls off the tongue. Boy OR girls that sleep around, I have a different name for. Fuck boi's and fuck gurls. I respect them as a person, but that doesn't mean I have to respect what they do boy OR girl. I have met multiple people who have slept around, VERY promiscuously, I'm talking 3 people a week most of the time not even the same people. Now I don't know about you, but only one of those dozen (maybe more) of them have been a genuinely nice person. 1. So if that doesn't tell me (or you) something, I don't know what does. I still don't judge a person on what they do, like for example sleeping around, but it has made me more cautious around the people who do do that

[takumii]

I can see how your point is different , but I disagree.

Let me state it this way,
Slut Shaming is NECESSARY.

Because as we know, being promiscuous isn't illegal, so the only thing keeping it from becoming acceptable, is when society shames such behavior , if it doesn't.. imagine what will happen?
People will think it's acceptable, and more people will engage in promiscuous behavior , and this world will be overrun by gold digging whores. No man wants their wives, sisters, mothers sleeping around do they?

[ThisDudeHere]

Thank you for your opinion but I honestly don't think that more people will do it once it's free. Man, every one who WOULD do it IS ALREADY doing it. The only difference between my scenario and what we have now is that they'd be out in the open, thus it would only seem that there's more when it's not so. There wouldn't be more of sluts, it's just that those that already are, as I said, would be in the open. The same goes for drug abusers. Many if not most drugs are illegal yet drug abusers still use them. If drugs were fully legal, there wouldn't be an increase in users. There would be an increase in reported users, but again that's only because they would not have the need to hide. I'm assuming you don't use drugs. If someone gave to meth, would you use it? Considering it's illegal? What if someone gave you it when it's free? Would you use it then? I wouldn't. Just because it's free, doesn't mean my brain turned off and I don't have the mind to decide what's good for me and what's no.

[Aud_Queen]

Replace "people" with "women". Guys can already sleep around all they want without being shamed

[takumii]

@Aud_Queen Boys are not slut shamed, it's a double standard, and if boys were slut shamed, they would had been more faithful.

@myTakeOwner If I want to do a thing, there are 2 things necessary,
1. If I can do it
2. If I want to do it.
If anyone is negative the better chances are that I won't do that thing. Druggies and promiscuous people are those whose 2nd condition overrides the first.

But if the first was competely removed, there would be no stopping them, as many people want to do it, because it's sex, the most basic instinct of a human.

[ArtDent]

People have a right to not get involved with promiscuous people.

Trying to discern whether a potential date/mate is promiscuous isn't 'slutshaming'

[pavlove]

what i got from this is that you have a penchant for having zoo animals make your thesis statement points for you